Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road...?

2010-10-17T19:30:00.000-07:00

LAST MINUTES WITH ODEN

2010-09-22T16:46:00.001-07:00

2010-08-18T21:28:00.001-07:00

CHRIST, WHAT DOES A RUBBER FIST HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING...?!?

2010-06-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

Hey, happy summertime Bitches! I don't know about you, but this is the time of year I try to keep the secret missions protecting National security to a minimum; and just enjoy a delicious martini on the beaches of Monte Carlo while I soak my balls in cocoa butter. You guys are probably doing some similar stuff. If not, you should. I mean, now is the time of year to be adventurous. Seriously. Just try random, crazy stuff to make the most of this beautiful weather. For example, last week I just crapped my pants. On purpose. I was walking out of the grocery store and thought, 'I'm gonna shit myself and see what happens.' Know what? It did lead to a fun adventure... but I'm gonna have to clear some stuff with my lawyers before I'm able to tell the story. Stay tuned...

More shit that makes me wanna strangle George Lucas

If you click here you'll never get the next 30 minutes back.

Pffft... I already knew about 20-30% of this stuff anyway...

The phone number is (310) 358-1703.

In my Ninja Army, this dude would be a General.

Where was all this good advice when I was thirtyse.... uh.... fourteen?

These are standard issue when you join Awesome.

Ninja Army. General #2.

I wish I had known about this a week before Father's Day.

Dinner with the President.

HI FIVES, LIGHT SABERS, AND REALLY REALLY WHITE PEOPLE

2010-06-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

Whew! The last two weeks have been nuts man. I mean literally nuts: I had a vasectomy; and went on a tour of the Blue Diamond Almond plant in Sacramento, California. Same day too... so what now? Everyone has their own idea of what constitutes a vacation. Anyway, lots of coolness floating through the ether since I posted last: the utter destruction of the Gulf of Mexico, Star Wars, bacon, white people, alternative energy, and hi-fives. Jesus Christ... I can barely wrap my mind around all this shit.

Welcome to real life everybody.

Remember the horror of Star Wars I, II, and III? Here's four minutes that make me silently weep at what could have been....

Oh yeah, it's happening.

A fun little graphic to contemplate (while BP dumps 1 trillion gallons of oil into the Gulf daily)

I haven't been this speechless since I mistook that string of pearls for anal beads...

As advertised.

THAT'S JUST F-ING GREAT

2010-05-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

WHOA, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE...???

2010-05-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Two weeks. That's how long it's been since my last entry. Now, I'm sure most of you have been worried sick as to my whereabouts and well-being; but, as usual, I can't get into specifics. I can report that the oil leak in the Gulf will soon be completely under control; and that China's recent support of European currency will continue to have a soothing effect on world markets. Now, on to more important issues. The last few weeks on these here intertubes have yielded a wealth of information ranging from the smoking habits of toddlers to fun new sex positions. I'm sure those two things are related somehow but I'm so high right now I can't figure it out.... little help.... little help..

Weekend's here - freak her shit out with the Pterodactyl

I'm sure this will have zero negative effect on cognitive development

I'm white and this sounds 1000% right to me

Discount drugs. Yes.

A little tip for BP

Awesome animation

Someone clone this dude because we need him in every elected position ever invented

Expand your motherf*cking mind Craphead

POTPOURRI FROM HELL

2010-05-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

In the last few days I've collected a bunch of random crap that could all be their own post; but instead of stringing you bitches along I thought I'd just say 'f*ck it' and put them all up at once. Just to make it frigging fun, I'm going to be a little vague with labeling them. My clever innuendo and deft wit-ittude should make it way more fun and enjoyable. I'm so excited I'm in the process of crapping my pants.

Lady Gaga can suck it.

This is so fucked up it's cool.

Something for the ladies.

The next candidate to be drafted into my ninja army.

I fancy myself a "leg up" man. And you?

Pure awesomeness.

PS - Meat Loaf has a new album out this week called "Hang Cool Teddy Bear." Long live the Loaf.

FIRST SANTA CLAUS, NOW THIS...

2010-05-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

Remember how it was to find out that Santa Claus isn't real. Well, get ready for deja-vu Bitches...

THE COOLEST GUYS IN THE WORLD

2010-05-04T21:03:00.001-07:00

At any given time, I'm usually considered one of the coolest people in the immediate - if not extended - area. A few years ago there was a rare occasion where my karate wasn't the strongest around. It happened when... well... let's just say burritos and hot tubs don't mix. But that was like 15 years ago. Anyway, I ran across this video a few days ago which has some dudes being way cooler than I've been recently. And since it's captured on tape I guess I'm permanently #2 cool. These guys are now the official "coolest guys in the world." That's only until someone else does something even cooler and puts it on video. I'm not a big fan of being videotaped myself (I'm like the Indians and am pretty sure that shit steals your soul). BUT, I don't think these characters are going to hold the 'cool guy' title for very long. Why? Well, four words: Larry. King. Is. Single. ... Now what Bitches?

THE RAVEN

2010-05-02T19:06:00.001-07:00

Man, is it me or do Sunday's have a tint of melancholy at the end of them; with the big, ugly work week looming just a few hours away. Fortunately, I've come up with a fool-proof formula that helps ease the transition from the sweet, sweet chillaxing that is the weekend to grinding it out for the man for the next five days. First, strip down to your underwear. Then throw on some Eminem. Next, dig into a bag of gummy bears until you're so disgusted that you want to punch yourself in the mouth. ... What does all this have to do with tonight's post? Absolutely nothing. But since I'm the Captain of this little ship I can pretty much do whatever I want. It's kinda like being Jesus except without all the annoying hippies following you around waiting for a hand out or a miracle or some crap like that. Anyway, tonight's feature is a little, independent sci-fi film. I think some studio already picked it up and has paid this random dude like $40 million to stretch it out to ninety minutes... probably in 3D too. It's so exciting it's all I can do to keep from squealing like a 14 year old cheerleader... or something.

THE ONE I LOVE IS GONE

2010-04-29T19:02:00.000-07:00

R.E.M. was an annoying band. Self-righteous and sanctimonious come to mind when I think of their front man Michael Stipe. Rage Against The Machine, on the other hand, was ahead-of-it's-time awesome. If these two bands got in a fight RATM would've absolutely beat down R.E.M. like the sissies that they were. So it only makes sense that if you mix the two bands together the result is Rage's total awesomeness overwhelming R.E.M.'s pansy beats. It's nice that things in life sometimes work out the way they should, for the love of the sweet baby Jesus...

TIME TO OPEN YOUR HEARTS YOU MANIACS

2010-04-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

The Bug has been elusive this week. He'd mentioned something about a mission involving tossing salads but was otherwise woefully short on details. But that's ok because it's not important how he gets his insight onto these enigmatic affairs of the heart; it's only important that he shares them with us - his lambs of love, if you will. So put up yer nickels kids, here's some springtime birds-and-bees advice from Uncle Junebug.

When is it cool to blow smoke in a woman's face?

and

Sometimes I spritz my balls with cologne before a big date. Cool? Premature? Creepy?

What kind of pubic hair-cut do men prefer?

Anal beads: friend or foe?

I'm thinking about sticking my nuts up some chick's ass. Good idea?

I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE

2010-04-25T17:15:00.000-07:00

I'm not really a dog person. They're great animals, don't get me wrong. I'm just a selfish bastard and couldn't be bothered to go for walks, scoop poops, or any of the other indignities that come with caring for them. But if you are one of those people then great. You're a better person than I am. I can see how some people get attached to their dogs though. Especially the ones that carry the barrel filled with whiskey around their neck. Or any of those dogs in the painting playing poker. They seem cooler than shit. Or Lassie. ... Or Scooby Doo. ... Or Rin Tin Tin. I guess I'm a big fan of dogs who get shit done. Anyway, dog lover or not, this little movie should tear your heart out of your ass. Enjoy!

Last Minutes with ODEN from phos pictures on Vimeo.

JUNEBUG'S BACK... and more retards

2010-04-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

No, that's not a picture of the Junebug. That's Abby from "Dear Abby" fame. The Junebug does look a little like her though... the shifty eyes. Anyway, it's time for another installment of Junebug answering your love questions. It's been a few weeks since we've done this so I imagine all you lovelorn fuckers out there have a ton of romantic issues that need attention, like hemorrhoids in polyester pants on a hot summer day. Get the picture? SO, post your hunka hunka burnin' love quandaries in the comments section of this post and we'll be back in a few days with Junebug's sage advice. ... In other news, I had a reader make an offhand comment about mashing-up my last two posts (the National Anthem and retards). Since I'm in the business of making dreams come true, here ya go - a retard singing the National Anthem. Enjoy! Or, if you speak fluent retard-ese: Enjdootdootdootdaoy! (PS - I don't feel so bad about my going to hell for all the retard humor lately because I know each and every one of you will watch this video).

WILL EVERYONE PLEASE RISE...

2010-04-18T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for a good singing of our National Anthem. I've posted renditions before (here and here) but here's another awesome version, sung by a seven year old girl. I'm kinda hoping this partially redeems me for the retard post from yesterday, even though I still think it's highly goddam hilarious.

ANGRY RETARDS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT

2010-04-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

Hey. It's Saturday. I'm tired. And I don't really care who I might offend. I mean, I'm usually sensitive as hell... charming too. Just ask my mother. This being said, I'm posting a funny picture of an angry retard and a crazy mash-up song of Lady Gaga and Metallica. Why? Because irate retards are funny and some mash-ups are cool. There. I said it. Yeah, I'm going to hell - especially if God is a big, fat, googley-eyed retard. Never thought of that, did ya?

***

PS - If you're into the whole mash-up thing, follow "Mixes & Mashups" on Facebook. Some dude cranks out about four a day, all of which you can download. No, no thanks are necessary. Your undying devotion is more than enough.

A CALL TO ARMS

2010-04-14T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's time to mobilize the WTCCTR Army (that's you) for a mission of trivial proportions. The local paper here is hosting an on-line "Best Of..." poll for local goods and services; and, you guessed it, one of the categories is "Favorite Local Website." Well, I wanna pull off the upset. Right now the front runner is probably fridaypuppy.com, which features dogs, people taking walks, recipes, and other normal random bland crapola which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'd like to usurp the title from fridaypuppy and let people know that sometimes, just sometimes, monkey porn, nirvana covers and midget lesbianism win out over orzo recipes and free t-shirts. So lace up your jack boots - here's your assignment:

1. go to THIS page and scroll half-way down the page.
2. click the box that says "Vote for Capital Region's Best."
3. you DON'T have to answer every question... skip forward until the progress bar at the top is at 75% complete.
4. you should be on the section that asks for your favorite local website.
5. enter this web address: WWW.WTCCTR.COM
6. tell a friend to repeat steps 1-5. I want to kill this thing.

I'll let you know the results as they become available. Listen... we pull this off... well, let me just say... the beer will flow like wine while spunky little nymphs cup our balls and whisper where we can find buried treasure. In the meantime, here's your combat pay for today.

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #1

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #2

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #3

THE GIFT

2010-04-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

So I stumbled across this gnarly little short film today that was pretty righteous. Most of the time these short films that litter the internet are beyond awful; and I rarely get past the first five seconds. The web site funnyordie.com is like this. Everything they do is so un-funny it actually has the opposite of it's intended effect; and I'll walk away so aggravated that I'll have to call a complete stranger and say, "Hey, the shit is in the bag," and hang up, just to relieve some tension ... Anyway, back to this flick. It has something to do with robots and unicorns and some little brat by the river but beyond that your guess is as good as mine. It's still pretty spiffy. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.... remember these?

2010-04-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Heyde Ho chicken fans! So many of you are probably thinking, 'Well, it's about friggin' time. Your last post was a week ago!' Yup. It was. And the reason it was is due to the fact that the internet is becoming like cable tv - a billion channels and nothing on. There hasn't been one gosh golly dang interesting or unique thing on this series of tubes we call the internet all week. It's all been Tiger Woods and a bunch of geeky shit (e.g., iPad shit, why it's o.k. for vegans to eat oysters, etc.). I'm talking total bullshit. And, trust me, I looked. Anyways, a buddy of mine suggested I resurrect the "Beer, Babe, and a Tune" post that I used to do every Friday. All the international recognition and acclaim doesn't mean I'm not still in touch with the people. So here goes.

Chips ahoy boys! This is Charlie Christine. There wasn't much information on her but here's her web page anyway. So if she doesn't care then I guess I don't care. And I really don't. Unless it has to do with her skills as a french maid; I really, really don't give two craps what her favorite flavor of ice cream in high school was.

Tonight I had a few Sam Adams Black Lager's. It's a little bit heavy but had a nice flavor that really goes down good while showering. Just trust me on this. Beer Advocate rates the suds as a B+ ... "very good." Yeah, ok. Very good. I love it when a plan comes together.

The Dropkick Murphys are a Celtic punk/hardcore band from Quincy, Massassachussets. I'm putting their tune up tonight because I felt like hearing some bagpipes again. I'm still in the St. Patrick's day mode I suppose; and bagpipes are my cowbell - more bagpipes bitches!

As usual, I'll go the extra mile for you maniacs and deliver a little bonus pic of tonight's babe. What now wiseguy?

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

2010-04-02T19:31:00.000-07:00

Easter is almost here so I'm celebrating the resurrection of Jesus with a movie preview. But not just any movie. It's a preview for a horror flick called "The Human Centipede," which is about a gnarly doctor who surgically attaches people together in a chain - mouth to anus (or asshole, for those of you non-aristocrats out there). I've been telling people about this movie for a few months but everyone thinks I'm making it up; so here's video proof I haven't gone completely batshit insane. Fingers crossed they're going to release a 3D version.

SMELLS LIKE... FRIGGIN' AWESOME

2010-03-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Kurt Cobain was a genius. I base this on the fact that he wrote the song "Smells Like Teen Spirit." And his genius isn't because it's a generation-defining song. He's a genius because you can mix that beat and guitar riff with anything and make it sound good. So, today, when I came across another mash-up of the song - this time with Timbaland - I decided to go through my music files just to check on something; and I found that I've become quite the collector of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" covers, mash-ups, and techno infusions. Seventeen different versions to be exact. That's a lot of Teen Spirit. I mean, the last time I had this much teen spirit I ruined a perfectly good pair of underwear and had three days after-school detention. But, hey, that's rock 'n roll.

7 Nation Teen Spirit - White Stripes vs. Nirvana.... so it's gay vs. cool.

Punk cover by Blanks77... kinda ass smokin.

Techno version by Mighty Mike. You heard me.

Another techno joint: Daft Punk vs. Nirvana... I'm up for a rave...

Mash-up with Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love"... proves my theory.

Mash-up with Rick Ashley. Never gonna... be cooler than this.

Warp Brothers version. The one I listen to when I time travel.

A cover by .... uhh... I have no idea who.

"The Floor Version." .... ookay.

That hack Fatboy Slim takes a shot at it. Dope.

Cover by Flyleaf. Just ok.

The vagina house dub remix. Sooo... Smells Like Vagina?

Wild cherry mash-up. Cool.

More techno but with a Rob Halford flair. Thumbs up.

Cover version by Mig Ayesa. Short and sweet.

Smells like Timbaland!

Type O Negative live cover. This is nuts.

DRUNK HISTORY

2010-03-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

Everyone likes history. Everyone likes being shit-assed drunk. So, mix the two together and you've got yourself a really fun learning experience. And because the awesomeness of WTCCTR is so intense that it eminates from my ball pouch, tonight's feature is exactly that - Drunk History! How it works is that some dude gets drunk and his buddies have him explain an historical event while the cameras roll. It's a whole series on YouTube; and they usually get some pretty high-calibur actors to do the dramatizations. For example, in the clip below about Nicola Tesla, Crispin Glover plays Thomas Edison and John C. Reilly is Tesla himself. Marty McFly's dad and Cal Naughton Jr. aren't bad 'get's' for some five minute film featuring a drunk dude. Oh, and trust me... the drunk guy is the main attraction. If you watch it all the way through good old Duncan seems to get more and more inebriated as the clip goes on - and then goes out with an awesome pineapple-flavored bang. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go smoke a spliff and do math. I love you.

WHAT'S UP DOC?

2010-03-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you out there caught the news, but a tucked-away article on the internets today said that our Federal government passed some kind of health care legislation yesterday. Funny how these thinks kinda sneak up on you. .... Yeah. There seems to be a lot of people yelling and screaming at each other who don't have any idea what they're yelling and screaming about. But you can't blame them. I barely had time to read the ten questions on my census form never mind over two thousand pages of legal-e's explaining health care reform. The most useful thing I've found that even begins to explain where and how much my next prostate exam is going to be is from the New York Times. Click after the picture of the hot nurse to check it out.

How health care reform affects you .

Uhhh... just for the record, I don't think she's a real nurse... but it's fun to pretend sometimes. ... SO, now that the whole health care debate is over and done with; and we're not going to hear another news story or debate about it because the whole issue is pretty much settled - I thought I'd put an exclamation point on the past year's display of legislative efficiency, bipartisanship and mutual respect with a video of a guy getting punched in the face. I think everyone in government should take two of these and call me in the morning. Stay regular.

F*CKED IN THE FANDANGO

2010-03-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

Fandango is a web site and iPhone application that lets you order movie tickets from wherever you are and then pick them up at the theater. Ok, great. So about a year ago I order tickets using their service only to find out later that they add on an additional charge of about $1 per ticket. So since that was like having a turd shoved in my face I resolved not to use them again. Fast forward to this week. A weird charge shows up on my credit card for "Reservation Rewards" in the amount of $12.00. I usually don't question these type of service fees because my credit card company bills my card fees under "Credit Rewards" or "Refund Rewards"... stuff like that... so I figured that's what it was. But I thought I'd call just to make sure. After a wicked journey through the phone tree from hell I got Habib; and he and I figured out that it wasn't a charge from them. But, it was a monthly charge coming from somewhere and it's been going on monthly for about a year. (You see where this is going right?) Hmmm... I thought that was odd. The nice Indian gave me the phone number of the company charging me for "Reservation Rewards." I call and, sure enough, it's Fandango. When I used them a year ago they tacked on a $12 monthly fee for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and kept it going for a year! If I hadn't caught it by chance a few days ago they'd still be billing me for who knows how long. Oh, and they decided to cleverly disguise it as one of my regular credit card fees. ... The moral of the story? DON'T FUCKING USE FUCKING FANDANGO BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING ASSHOLE FUCKING FUCKS WHO WILL RIP YOU OFF ON EACH MOVIE TICKET PURCHASE AND THEN STICK THEIR CROOKED DILDO UP YOUR ASS FOR A YEAR AND SUCK OUT $136 WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT!!! ... ahem... In conclusion, I'd like to bring a little closure to my relationship with Fandango with a sweet little tune from Lilly Allen. Enjoy. ... Unless you work for Fandango or are affiliated with them in any way, in which case I hope you die by fire. Shalom.

THE DAY OF ST. PATRICK

2010-03-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

Dia duit you filthy maniacs. That's traditional Irish speak for "God to you you filthy maniacs." Because that's how we roll here at WTCCTR on this holy holy day honoring good old St. Patrick - who brought Christianity to Ireland and pretty much made beer drinking an international holiday. I mean, the Christianity thing is ok but any dude who gets your boss to give you the day off so you can swill black beers with enough calories to kill an elephant ... now that's a miracle worker. So grab a glass lads and tip your cup to the man of the hour. Meanwhile, I'll round out this holiday with some bagpipes and a hot Irish chick... a little combo I like to call 'pipes and poon'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stick a shamrock up my nose and slap myself silly with a wet cabbage leaf.

TIME FOR A DUB

2010-03-10T20:27:00.000-08:00

We haven't done one of these in a while. This is a recent bit from Jabooody Dubs but here's my question: how is Billy Mays still doing info-mercials? I mean, the dude died almost a year ago. So what's the deal?? Is someone pulling a "Weekend At Bernies" with his corpse? If they are they're doing a spiffy job because he looks great for having croaked last June. I guess that when all your nourishment comes from OxyClean and cocaine some alchemical process takes over to keep your tissues from rotting. ... Ok, that settles it... I'm going to seal up all my holes with Mighty Putty and wrap myself in Zorbees just to see what the f*ck is up. Hey, you never know. I once had an uncle who swallowed a dime and, afterwards, was able to stick spoons to his chest. True story.

THE WRAITH

2010-03-09T21:02:00.000-08:00

My inbox is constantly filled with emails from people asking what they can do for me, how they can send money to me, the random person offering up their body; or things to otherwise ingratiate themselves to me and further the WTCCTR cause. Normally my magnanimous nature prohibits me from accepting such offers but I just saw a video for the new limited edition Confederate Wraith and... well... SOMEONE GET ME THIS F*CKING BIKE!!! Now, don't let the price tag deter you. I promise that seeing the joy it brings to my heart will be worth every penny. In fact, I pledge to whisper 95,000 'thank you's for every dollar spent on this sweet little mama cita... as I'm riding around looking f*cking awesome.

I GOT NOTHIN

2010-03-07T18:28:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately, Sunday nights are a low energy period in the Universe when the weight of the work week sucks at your nuts and you really can't feel the joy that would usually cup your sack like a warm washcloth. So, basically, what I'm trying to say is that I got nothin' for you tonight. A few lame photos I've collected that scored about a 4 out of 10 on my amusing scale. Yeah, hopefully things pick up this week. St. Patrick's Day is coming up quick so maybe that will turn things around. I think I'm going to go have a bowl of Lucky Charms right now... just to get the positive vibe going. Serious man. I'm the real deal.

BUG'S BACK

2010-03-06T05:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, I know you've been waiting with bated breath all week to hear Junebug's responses to your questions of love; so today is your money shot. I would have had them posted yesterday but I ended up getting into it with a bottle of triple distilled Smirnoff vodka, and the Smirnoff won. Boy did it win. Anyway, let's get ready for love.

I scream my head off when I'm having an orgasm. My girlfriend hates it and doesn't want me to do it anymore, but it intensifies my orgasm a lot and I don't want to stop. What about that?

My girlfriend doesn't enjoy "The Shocker." How can I convince her that taking the a-train is fun and enjoyable for all riders?

What do you do if your woman be steppin' out on you?

FIRE

2010-03-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight's post really isn't relevant to anything except I've been watching a lot of these videos lately and thought I'd share, because I'm a goddam swell dude. There's some cool video mixed in with the slide show. Typically what I do - and my suggestion - is to watch this video three or four times then go driving around your neighborhood screaming out the window and punching the roof with both fists while steering with your knees. It feels good and your neighbors will thank you. Maybe not right away but they will when they realize your naked from the waist down. Stay strong.

PS - remember to keep posting your love questions to the Junebug this week.

MORE LOVE ADVICE... JUNEBUG STYLE

2010-03-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

The Junebug post from a few weeks ago was mildly successful so we're back baby! The slightly dystonic, middle-aged, born again virgin with a WoW account plays the Mav to your Goose in affairs of the heart. I thought I'd lead in to the question portion of our show with a recent poll done by the highly reputable onepoll.com; which asked women what qualities their perfect man would have. I'll spare you the polling methodology and go right to the results. Here's the perfect man according to women:

- a guy with stubble or some kind of facial hair
- a slightly geeky personality
- has a hairy chest
- someone who reads and who cries at chick flicks
- grey hair, glasses, and is a big fan of a sports team
- "soft and cuddly" versus "toned and muscly"
- someone with flaws over a dude who is "perfect"

Ok all you Lonley Hearts, the time has come pony up to the bar of broken love with your questions, submit them in the comment section, and Junebug will be back later this week with his audio replies. ... Hey, know what? I just realized that Junebug pretty much has every one of those qualities in that list up there. ... Huh... I might have just out-sarcastic-ed myself.

LET'S LIVE TO 100?

2010-02-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

Life is pretty awesome. Working, paying bills, dealing with f-holes who get sadistic pleasure out of jerking off your day, the random hemorrhoid... pfft... why wouldn't you want to live as long as possible? That's why I'm featuring an info-graphic tonight on how to live to be 100. Pretty motivating stuff though I question the veracity of some of the "tips" they give. Like eating nuts and flossing. That sounds a little witch-doctor-ey to me. I mean, you just gotta use some common sense too. I guess I'm not too trusting of the medical profession ever since I had that optometrist who made me take my pants off when he was fitting me for eye glasses. Though I have to admit: those bastards fit like a charm.

(Click the image if you want to actually read it)

NAKED YOGA

2010-02-26T19:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's hard figuring out what topic I'm going to go with for these posts. Like tonight, it was a toss up between some funny random photos I'd found (dull) or a personal jet pack that's going to be available to the public later this year (cool but still kinda 'meh'). Then I found this funny little video that was like a hug from baby Jesus while having my nipples worked over by an unemployed fry cook; and my decision was made. ... See that chick on the left there? If you don't already know who she is, she's Sara Jean Underwood - Playboy Playmate of the Year in 2007. I don't know about you, but I've never even thought about doing naked yoga before. But Ms. Underwood has definitely inspired me. Mountain pose to forward bend and gorilla pose here I come! I'm betting that this naked yoga is way harder with a raging erection. I'm just saying.

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED

2010-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

File this under "fun facts." In last week's Science magazine researchers reported on a study they did which found that your movement and location are predictable 93% of the time based on cell phone data. So that's pretty relaxing. The article went on to say how this data would be used to predict traffic patterns or help improve cell phone service. ... Yeah right! That's a giant load of crapola! Know where all that data is going? A giant, central government computer so that a bunch of elite military personnel wearing black jumpsuits and packing nitrous-filled, black-hole-energy tasering guns can pounce all over you the minute you forget to report $9000 of income for three consecutive years. Don't even get me started on what'll happen when they get SkyNet up and running. It's 'game over' then man. Luckily, I have the solution: walkie-talkies. Yup. Totally can't be tracked. Plus, you get to say things like 'roger' and '10-4,' combined with 'good buddy.' ... Cripes, all this conspiracy theorizing has my pucker factor dialed up to a nine. Let's chill things back out with a prank call from the Jerky Boys. Yeah, monitor this SkyNet.

TOM GREEN DROPS BOMBS

2010-02-22T21:26:00.000-08:00

Tom Green, for those of you who remember him; saw his career peak in the early 2000's. Since then he's kinda dropped off the face of the Earth. And let's face it, some of his work at the end there was pretty goddam awful (e.g., Freddy Got Fingered). But he had some high points along the way. For me, I think his best bit was done early on in his Mtv show....

Nowadays Tom films his show out of his living room, does some live tours, and maintains a web page (here). He still has flashes of brilliance though, which is why I still follow him. I mean, I don't want to miss another crap-on-the-microphone moment. My monk-like patience paid off recently when he had the rapper Xzibit on. What basically happened was that the white guy from Ontario, Canada made the black rapper from Detroit look stupid. Those of us from the street call it "dropping bombs." Tonight I'll be extending some of my street cred to all the loyal readers out there and give permission to use that term in your everyday lives. That's how we livin' here at WTCCTR. We be rollin'. They be hatin'. The end.

SUNDAY SKANKS

2010-02-21T21:52:00.000-08:00

Between the Sunday morning news programs, the Olympics, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition re-runs I caught some brief but insightful analysis about a neglected topic in today's fast-paced, 24 hour news cycle society - skanks. I mean, they're so ubiquitous we often don't think about them that much. But skanks are undergoing a media assault right now by reality shows like 'Jersey Shore' and 'Flava of Love.' Are these shows creating an unrealistic standard for them or are they really giving strength to skanks? That's the debate. Let's go to the panel...

THE FRIDAY KICK ASS

2010-02-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

Ok, enough of the boring financial data of the past few days. We're going to start the weekend right. Here's the deal: a few years ago a comic came out entitled 'Kick-Ass' about a high school kid, with no power or special abilities whatsoever, who tries to become a superhero in real life. Sounds dumb but funny thing... the comic mixes in enough gratuitous violence and humor to be pretty cool. Fast forward to now. Someone in Hollywood actually made a movie based on it that's set to be released in April. And what's awesome is that it looks like they kept all the gratuitous violence in there. So that's a win. Plus, as a bonus, McLovin plays the character Red Mist. Another win. But I saved the best for last... Yeah, the greatest actor of our generation - Mr. Nicholas Cage - guest shots as the character Big Daddy. Maximum win! ... I got my grubby little hands on the latest international red-band trailer for you and posted it below. Yeah, you're welcome. ... So now that the weekend is here I want everyone to tap into their inner Nicholas Cage and have a kick ass weekend. Stay strong - Nicholas Cage Strong.

ps - I'd watch the preview in full-screen mode, just to maximize the kick-ass-ed-ness-ess.

pss - minor programming note - you can now reach this fucking outstanding web page with the simpler site address: wtcctr.com

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... PART 2

2010-02-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

Hey, remember a few days ago I put up a post outlining how the good old U. S. of A is circling the drain financially? Yeah. Well, today I saw how NBC copied me and did a story on it. Pfft... just reinforces my initial suspicions that I'm three days ahead of the curve. You're probably thinking, What's that supposed to mean? Two words: Pablo Escobar. Right out of high school I'd infiltrated his Medellin drug cartel on a dare. Anyway, long story short - if I had left just 3 days later than I did, I woulda been on a long car ride in the desert with his personal bodyguard Mr. Lemons... if you catch my drift. It's ironic though because we sure could use some of his drug money now. At the height of his power Escobar, or "Pabs" as I used to call him, was the seventh richest man in the world; with an estimated net worth of $25 billion. That's some serious cheese.

ROLLING THE DICE

2010-02-16T21:14:00.001-08:00

Feel like playing a little Russian roulette with your computer? If you do, there's a new web site you should try called chatroulette.com. Once you sign on you're randomly connected to other people via web cam. It's an interesting ride. I mean, if you don't mind seeing the random penis or a vapid stare from some WOW nerd you'll get to view some overweight Asian guys wearing flowered bras or dudes with paper-mache horse heads. But that's not the best part. Nope. The best part is that you get to chat with them. Yeah. I know. I had to pinch myself too. So now the people you cross the street to avoid you can have a face-to-face conversation with in the comfort of your living room. The 17 year old kid who came up with the site has already probably made more money off it than I will in my entire lifetime of working like an organ grinder monkey. Thanks Jesus! Stay strong.

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... AND A FUN LITTLE TUNE.

2010-02-14T17:53:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda tired of watching democrats and republicans snipe at each other on cable news programs about everything from health care to who's responsible for Bin Laden having skid marks in his underwear. I heard one guy describe it as two men swimming in the ocean and arguing about who is going to drown first. So I want to give some context, a backdrop if you will, to the rhetorical masturbation that has Washington in a death grip lately.

Current federal debt is $12 trillion dollars (and rising fast)
Total debt (personal, business, local governments, etc) is $54 trillion dollars ($679,000 for every US family)
The Federal budget for this year is $3.55 trillion... Of that...
Social Security is the largest single budget item at $695 billion
Medicare and Medicaid (health care) is at $793 billion
Defense counts for $663 billion
Interest on the debt is $164 billion (4% of 2010 budget)
"Earmarks" account for 1-2% of annual federal spending according to the GAO
If nothing changes, in 2020 the US debt will be $20 TRILLION dollars. The interest on this debt will consume 80% of the annual federal budget.

Numbers don't lie Bitches. And these numbers are telling us that by 2020 we're going to be working in factories for $0.12 per hour making Nike sneakers for some kids in China. So while we're waiting for our inevitable servitude to descend, let's listen to some free mash-up music. Stay strong.

THE JUNEBUG RESPONDS

2010-02-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

Ok, so all you lonely hearts who posted questions a few days ago for my man the Junebug ... tonight is the payoff. However, like myself, Junebug finds most of his time monopolized with matters of national security or trying to unravel the mysteries of coral reefs - so he's only able to answer a few select questions. If yous wasn't one answered tonight, don't lose hope. He'll be back in a few weeks to take on more of your sorry-assed matters of the heart. Until then, stay strong.

My girlfriend is too nice and it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?

Vaginosis... here to stay?

Lately I've been having a lot of dreams about either Cookie Monster or Big Bird and waking up with an enormous erection. My girlfriend has started to notice. I don't want to freak her out. Should I tell her about my Sesame Street fetish?

I used to have funky spunk. Lately I've been eating more fruit. Now the shits delicious! No question. Just thought I'd share.

FURIOUS FUCHSIA

2010-02-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

See that color there to the left? Yeah, in real life it's pink. And it basically sums up why American car companies are going down the tubes faster than shit through a goose. Dodge recently came out with a revamp of a classic muscle car called the Challenger; and some rocket surgeon decided that 400 of them are going to be pink. Oh, they're not calling it that. Officially it's a "furious fuchsia;" which is an oxymoron if you ask me. Seriously. What straight guy would buy a pink muscle car? But maybe that's the point. Some genius over there at Dodge figured there were at least 400 'fabulous' dudes out there - if you know what I mean - who would want to drive around a 425 horse powered pile of pink homosexuality. Good job guys. Why not throw some dildos onto the backs of the seats in the minivans so the kids have something to play with on those long road trips. ... Dopes.

Just to make sure we're all still playing for Team Hetero, here's my version of "furious fuchsia." For God's sake, someone had to do something...

ASK THE JUNEBUG

2010-02-06T20:37:00.000-08:00

In keeping with the Valentine's Day theme we've got going here I'm trying a new feature tonight called "Ask The Junebug." While my own prowess with the females of the opposite sex is well documented (mostly by me), I'm really not really able to communicate the "IT" factor through which I make the magic happen. However, I got this friend. The Junebug is a swarthy bachelor who's had his share of ups and down in the romance department; and yet he's confidently striding into middle-age with the sureness of a man who knows where he's been but has absolutely no idea where he's headed. Plus, he has zero formal training whatsoever in couples counseling or giving sound relationship advice. So I though he'd be perfect to host the WTCCTR forum for those seeking guidance in matters of the heart. Here's how it will work: post your questions in the comment section of this post. Please keep them confined to relationships, sex, dating, sexuality, romance; or anything else surrounding to your wangage/trouser bagels. I'll then have the Junebug pick one or two of the best questions and record his responses. Then, in a week, I'll post his audio replies. Oh, and just to give you a little perspective on who you'll be dealing with.... I was in a strip club with the Junebug a few years back; and when the hottest young French Canadian stripper had just gotten finished stripping down to her birthday suit for his lap dance he deftly leaned in and asked, 'Aren't you cold?' True story. ... Anyway... I'm not sure why but it seems like I should finish this post with a video of a monkey playing the cymbals. So here you go. Stay strong.

THE DARK DAY OF VALENTINE DESCENDS UPON US

2010-02-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

When I’m not out solving crimes or diffusing bombs for the Department of Agriculture, most of my time involves romancing righteous babes and bedding them when they least expect it (usually on some kind of porcelain surface). So I’d like to take this opportunity, now that Valentine’s Day is beginning to creep over the land like some horrid heart-shaped swamp gas; to offer a few guideposts that could help my Brothers navigate the dangers lying less than two weeks on the horizon. Buckle in. Here we go.

1. Anal. Don’t try it. Unless the sixth time is a charm, women do not appreciate you attempting any kind of buggery (i.e., fudge packing) on Valentine’s Day. Trust me on this. Of course, this supports my theory that women just don’t understand the deep and mysterious sensitivities of young mens’ hearts.

2. Foreigners. Get one. If at all possible, have a foreign woman as your Valentine. And I’m not talking Canada here. I mean a real foreigner. Like a chick from Guatemala or North Korea or something. This will simplify gift giving by a factor of ten. The entire day is going to be absolutely destroyed if you’re with an American woman and you try to give her a live chicken or swatch of random fabric you bought at Wal*Mart. But if you’re with a broad from... say... Belize and you break out a can of kidney beans with a big red bow slapped on it... well... get ready to be king for a day Mister.

3. Last, and most important: when it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Stay strong you loquacious bastards.

THANKS!

2010-01-29T19:18:00.001-08:00

So remember that call to arms I put out on Tuesday asking people to recommend WTCCTR to some friends...? Well, you f*ckers really came through! On Wednesday we had over three hundred visitors for the day; and we've had over a hundred each day after that. Which is awesome. I actually started to tear up this afternoon when I was looking at the numbers. Not really out of joy but more because I've still only made $14.23. But, hey, you guys are getting the word out and it really gives me a warm, swollen feeling in my penile region. Truly. To celebrate our success I'm going to give you guys a gift... the gift of knowledge. Below the picture of the hot chick is a link to a quiz which will tell you how many baboons you could take in a fight armed only with a giant dildo. I scored a 30. I think if I had the black dildo I woulda done way better. Stay strong.

How many baboons can you kill using a giant dildo?

WANNA GO TO WAR WITH A NAKED CANNIBAL?

2010-01-28T16:33:00.000-08:00

I bet you'd never guess by looking at Miss Liberia (pictured on left) what kind of country she's representing. I mean, really, who's ever even heard of Liberia; much less knows anything about it. But, basically, it's a little country on the west coast of Africa with a population of about three million people. Ok. Great... So what Mr. Funny Chicken Man? Well, some guys with a camera crew heard wacky little stories about what goes on there and ended up going over to check it out. I don't know about you but I'll end up wanting to go somewhere after hearing about what great beaches it has, or how friendly the natives are, or the deftness with which they massage your balls. The guys who went to Liberia heard stories about a country with no power grid, a corrupt dictator suffering from agoraphobia; and where murderous tribes - led by guys with names like General Butt-Naked (I'm not kidding) run roughshod over the countryside killing people and eating them. Oh, and I almost forgot: 70% of the female population have been raped; young children are used as human sacrifices and then have their organs eaten; AIDS and malaria get passed around like a bad joke; and there's no plumbing. That plumbing thing there is just the cherry on top because people in Liberia use the beach as a toilet. Yup. Finding some space to set up those surf chairs and have junior make a sand castle... damn near impossible. Unless you don't mind other people's shit. ... So there's eight short videos of their trip. I posted the first one below, just to get you started. I don't have time to put up the rest. I gotta get on the horn with my travel agent immediately and lock in some rates. Stay strong.

CALLLING ALL CHICKENS

2010-01-26T19:46:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were a kid, and if you got caught doing something wrong; you wouldn't get in as much trouble in a group than if you did it alone? I do. That's why WTCCTR is asking for your help to grow our ranks. If you like this site's sublime ability to dip our toe into the more dynamic aspects of social analysis, righteous babes, humor, and cash money baby; then please recommend us to just one of your friends. Everyone who does will have my sincere thanks and help move us along to doubling - maybe even tripling - the cash this site has generated so far. As of this morning that total was a respectable $14.23. We make it to $28.46 and everyone get's a piece of the action! ... Actually, I'll probably just end up keeping it for myself. But I'll be thinking about all of you. And that's even better because who wants to handle all that dirty money. It's ca-ca paper. Ptooey!

VAN HALEN AND A HOT CHICK

2010-01-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

Whoa. So surfin' the internets this week looking for something interesting has been about as successful as cruising the local bingo parlors looking for good sphincter control. Then, yesterday, we get hit with a spiffy supreme court decision that lets corporations sponsor their favorite politicians; which isn't really a change from the way things already work except, now, they can F you in the A in broad daylight. I mean, we've all had an ex-girlfriend slit our tires; but it's usually at night. It's kinda balls-ey for her to carve up your Goodyears while you're actually standing in the driveway holding a limp Eggo and your favorite Crystal Gale cd. ... You know what I'm saying. Anyway, the point is: it's time to lighten the mood a little. Let's get this weekend started right with a classic little Van Halen tune covered in Diamond Dave's crazy Jewish chest hair; and a righteous hot chick that'll have you tuggin' at the old trouser taffy faster than you can say, 'I know why *this* chicken is crossing the road...!' Stay strong.

DEATH METAL ROOSTER.

2010-01-17T19:52:00.000-08:00

The utter and complete awesomeness of this has me at a total loss for words.

UH OH.

2010-01-16T21:20:00.000-08:00

Dammit! The goddam SpaghettiO's guy is freakin' dead! Man! That a big crap stain for the start of 2010. There are few things in life that are non-offensive to everyone and have a universal appeal. And SpaghettiO's was one of those things. I mean, they're like puppies and free money. Who wouldn't be down for a bowl of those fun little processed treats at any given time? I'm freaking overcome with grief right now. I don't think I can even finish this post. Seriously dudes. What are we supposed to do now?

MY SONG

2010-01-12T21:12:00.001-08:00

Remember Alice In Chains? By most accounts they were a pretty awesome band that kinda smoked everyone's ass in the 1990's. Then, in 2002, their lead singer, Layne Stanley, took enough heroin to topple a rhinoceros and died. As it turns out, he wasn't the only talented one in the group. The other guy who started AIC with him was the real brains behind the operation. His name is Jerry Cantrell and he's talented as hell - but has no clue as to how to be a rock star. I mean, he doesn't even drink. Criminey Jerry! ... that ain't no way to be playin no rock music. Even when I was lead ukulele for The Hum-dingers we'd go out after a show, down a bottle of Robitussin and get our balls waxed. You can't get much more rock and roll than that. Anyway, after Layne offed himself Jerry came out with a few solo albums that were pretty much ignored. I'm going to try and rectum that tonight by putting up a nifty little tunage off his debut solo album Boggy Depot called "My Song." So pour yourself a drink and enjoy! ... (that goes for you too Jerry).

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE

2010-01-07T16:22:00.000-08:00

I know I don't really come across as a self-help kind of guy but I'm all for self-improvement. I wish more people were into improving themselves; especially since a solid 72% of people are massive f-holes. Seriously. That's a real statistic from Psychology Today or Popular Mechanics or something. The only problem with that self-help stuff is all the warm and fuzzy crap you have to wade through to get to the real information. Foreplay like that is annoying. Just gimme the money shot Deepak Chopra, you zany bastard. But tonight's post is cool because it avoids all that and get's right to it. So, if you're a man, and you're into the whole being happy thing; here are five things you can do to suck the joy. Yeah, suckin' the joy...

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other
Signed,
Tiger Woods

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTIONS

2010-01-04T15:48:00.000-08:00

In yesterday's post I'd started my list of New Year's resolutions. Well, tonight I'm going to finish the job. To be honest, I was having a little trouble thinking of worthwhile and attainable goals that I could commit to for a whole year; so I went online to see what some other people were doing. That's when I ran across Squeezy. I watched his resolutions for the new year and decided to adopt every single one of them. Yup. After watching him outline all eight, and the reason for each, I thought, 'Wow, here's a guy who's just like me.' So get a pen and paper and watch because these are more than revolutions... reso... uh... yeah... resolutions... they're life rules - guide posts to redemption for all of us traveling on this manic highway known as the human condition. Thank you Squeezy... and godspeed.

CRASHING INTO 2010!

2010-01-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Hey, welcome to the New Year everyone! I'm just getting back on my feet after a New Year's celebration that included live pig wrasslin' and runnin' from the law like some kinda tough guy. Still, when I head into a new year, I always like to look back at the last one. The ups. The downs. The laughs. The sadness. The trumped up legal charges. The false paternity claims... and just the general zaniness that goes on. So, tonight, I'm featuring a little video in the spirit of "looking back." So now I'll move on to making my 2010 New Year's resolutions. I don't have the full list yet, but I can tell you what's number ONE: more cowbell. Stay strong in '10.

YEAH, SHEAR THAT ASS.. er... SHEEP!

2009-12-28T21:17:00.000-08:00

New year is almost here and what better way to get ready for it than with a little sheep shearing. Funny thing, I feel the same way the sheep in the video does, except it happens to me when I when I watch my car's oil being changed. So far I've been banned from 4 Jiffy Lubes, beaten up twice, and offered a free tire rotation. Man, there are some weird people out there.

LET'S HOOP IT UP!

2009-12-26T20:07:00.000-08:00

Hey, happy post-Coitus.... er... Christmas everyone! There's nothing I like better following a raucous Christmas filled with huffing gasoline and playing 'hide the sausage' than hooping it up. So, tonight, I'm featuring a simple flash game where you're shooting baskets against about 1000 other people on-line and in real time. You're probably thinking, Pfft... big deal. Hm. Ok, wiseguy. I'll bet you all your Christmas fruitcake that if you play this game twice you'll wind up sucked to your computer screen for the next hour... at least. I think the developer somehow figured out how to embed a cocaine derivative in the code. I mean, so far I've played the stupid thing about 8 days straight and have woken up more than a few times after a black out and with my belt cinched down around my arm. That'll raise a flash game's rating from 'good' to 'super-nifty' in my book. For real Holmes.

click here for Basketball

JUMPING TO YOUR DEATH... IN HD

2009-12-23T20:49:00.000-08:00

I'm kinda intrigued by people who skydive, base-jump, bungee jump, or otherwise look death in the face and say, 'Hey bud, let's party.' Even cooler than that is doing it in HD. So this is a video of some guy in Norway with a high-def camera strapped to his head jumping off a mountain. Well, I'm guessing it's a mountain. Judging from the sheer height and the terrain it looks like their jumping off the surface of the freaking moon for chrissakes! It's pretty spectacular to watch. I mean, when a video makes you ruin a perfectly good pair of underwear in the comfort of your own home... now that's saying something. I suggest clicking on the video and watching it in full screen to get the maxium... uhhh... stainage.

I'M TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN

2009-12-21T17:12:00.000-08:00

It's a funny thing. I thought the movie "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" wasn't that great, as a whole; but when I watch individual scenes I think it rates right up there with "Citizen Kane" for best movie of all time. It's got this kind of reverse-synergy going on. I've featured some of the PSA's from the movie in previous posts (here) and... well... what can you say. Funny is funny man. I think I find it so humorous because there are so many parallels between the movie and my own life: heroic race car driver with loyal yet dumb-witted side-kick overcome adversity to uphold American greatness. ... Actually, that isn't anything like my life. ... Except for the side-kick. I had a side-kick once. Then it kind of lost it's novelty when he got a restraining order. Anyway, the clip below has one of the best lines of dialogue from a film since Casablanca. Yeah, I'm saying it.

THE EDGE OF TIME

2009-12-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

Whoa. It's been awhile. I've been down in our 51st state, Puerto Rico, taking out a drug smuggling ring. It's kind of a tradition with me. Every Christmas I volunteer my time to the FBI to help them crack a tough case. Oh, I know it's thankless but they let me carry a gun; and I usually get to meet with the President afterwards... so it's all Cool and The Gang. Anyways, I thought I'd post this little flick that takes you an a trip from Planet Earth to the edge of the known Universe, and back again. I don't know how anyone could watch something like this and insist we're the only life out there. I mean, I'm not gonna try and talk anyone into believing other life exists in the Universe. But let's just say that a flash of bright light and one anal probe later has made me a believer.

PS - I suggest clicking on the video and watching it in full screen.

FIVE ADDITIONAL RANDOM PHOTOS

2009-12-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

Mr. ET. I ain't got no time fo' no jibba-jabba when I'm phonin' home... fool!

If you have a lack of infrastructure say 'hooo'

Well, that's one way to look at it.

He put that truck up there... using only his chest hair.

I'll give you 3 guesses... you awesome bitch.

DON'T JERK OFF TO THIS

2009-12-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

A recent study done by some Canadian researchers found that all men look at porn. Not 99% of men. ALL men. 100% of them. So, it's pretty obvious why men watch porn. I mean, that's not a mystery. What's funny is that, faced with an absence of porn, men will turn just about anything into rub out material. It's biological or something. Seriously. One time in boy scouts, after 2 weeks in the woods, I went after my junk like a bare knuckle boxer goes after a bartender because I liked the sexy curve of the handle on my stew pot. To this day I'll get a little butterfly in my stomach when I see a nice piece of cookware. Ahhh, memories. ... Uhhh... you'll have to excuse me a moment ::tear::

BLACK SUPREMACISTS?

2009-12-03T17:27:00.000-08:00

We've all seen those white supremacists on cable tv, carrying their swastika flags and chanting "white power." They'd be entertaining if they weren't so stupid... and armed. As it is, they're just annoying. But I figured that was pretty much the end of it. Ok, some dumb white people with no cable tv decided black people done did them wrong; so they're going to go walk around yelling at everyone. Fine. End of story. Right? Nope. Just like matter has it's anti-matter; or 'up' has 'down' - now there are some black people, just as dumb and bored as the white supremacists, who decided to be black supremacists. What's a black supremacist, you ask? I've got the answer for you right here. You can thank me later.

AN INTERVIEW WITH SASHA GREY

2009-11-30T21:02:00.000-08:00

Sasha Grey is a porn actress who seems to be breaking into the mainstream. She recently did an interview to promote her new, non-porn film called "The Girlfriend Experience," directed by Steven Soderberg (the guy who directed "Ocean's Eleven"). Anyway, it's always interesting to hear porn stars give normal interviews about stuff; they always seem to come across as pretty well adjusted and normal. I guess I'm expecting them to rip their clothes off midway through the interview and start jamming stuff into their orifices. So when that doesn't happen I'm a little bit surprised. The reality is that they're probably so whacked out on prozac, cocaine, and muscle relaxers they don't know which friggin' end is up. I mean, who the hell are we kidding. You have to have some kind of major screw loose to be cramming some stranger's filthy genitals into your mouth and anus on camera. Watching porn is a different story however. You can watch thousands upon thousands of hours of porn and still be completely normal. Trust me on this one.

I'M GLAD WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT

2009-11-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

Once in a while I'll see a news story that highlights why things are so f-ed in the "a" in America, and the world in general. This week, I found two articles like that. The first one is here. It's about Goldman Sach's. One of those pinky in the air Wall Street banks that got TEN BILLION DOLLARS in bailout money... YOUR money. Yeah, well, the interest rate for that cash has been dropped to 1%. I don't know about you, but none of my loans have a 1% interest rate. Oh, yeah, did I mention that Goldman Sachs paid out $10.9 billion in employee compensation and benefits last year. Funny how they couldn't pay off more of that loan huh?

The second article, link here, goes into detail about how the United States is handing out millions of dollars - again, YOUR money - to farmers in Afghanistan not to grow poppies for heroin. Yup. Unfuckingbelievalbe. I know. If the government was half as creative in trying to balance the budget as they are in figuring out ways to completely piss away taxpayer money I'm sure there wouldn't be any goddam government debt. ... Criminey.

In other news, the plumber who unclogged my sewer pipe took a few extra minutes to explain the difference between regular solid waste and "shit paper." Thanks Mr. Rooter! ... See, a happy ending! Was that so hard?

HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!

2009-11-25T21:32:00.000-08:00

With Thanksgiving just around the corner I thought it'd be a good time to post some hockey footage because, you know, they go together like... ummm... parachutes and toilet brushes. Anyway, this goalie in the video is kicking ass in warm-ups, when one of his teammates has enough of his awesomeness; and reminds him that he's just the goalie. I mean, the defensive guys on any team always take the backseat to the offensive guys. It's like that in life too kiddies. So as soon as my pinky toe hits the floor in the morning I'm hitting slap shots, throwing touchdowns and swinging for the fences... and that's before I even leave the bathroom. Stay strong.

PROGRAMMING NOTE AND BOSTON VS. HOUSE OF PAIN

2009-11-20T21:08:00.000-08:00

A minor programming note tonight, and then we'll test out the toys. Ok, so the programming note is that WTCCTR will now be broadcast to you in crisp, clear, THX sound-quality. Yup. So now all those awesome fart videos and shotgun pranks will be even more ass-blasting. Then, to celebrate the introduction of THX to the site, I'm posting a mash-up tune of Boston and House of Pain. You're on your own after that. Stay strong.

And now....

Boston vs. House of Pain

PISSING AWAY MONEY

2009-11-19T11:03:00.000-08:00

Health care. It's a big debate lately. I can't speak for anyone but I think a lot of the anxiety comes in with the cost. Spending money we don't have. To illustrate the point: I don't think there would be much of an issue if we could wave a magic wand and have a Medicare type plan that covered 100% of the US population for free - $0.oo. BUT, The current Senate plan will cost $848 BILLION over 10 years (or $84 BILLION each year). That's a lot of ice packs and gauze pads. At least, I thought that was a lot until I read **this** article on CNN.com the other day. It basically says that last year alone there was $98 BILLION in improper or fraudulent payments made by the US government for health care costs. Ok, so, I'm not a mathologist but wouldn't cutting out the waste, fraud, and abuse in the current system basically pay for every one's health care? We wouldn't even have to cut out all the fraud, just about 85% of it would cover the bill. Wouldn't it be worthwhile/cost-effective to have about 1% of the bailout money go to hiring people who police this type of thing? How about moving some IRS agents to Medicare fraud enforcement? Those bastards will destroy your grandmother for a $20 capital gains tax. For those of you still hanging in there, here's a hot nurse. Stay healthy.

FIVE MORE RANDOM PHOTOS

2009-11-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

Here are some random photos I found while surfing this wonderful place called the world wide web. Oh, plus I'm playing around with a new font tonight, because I'm a borderline maniac; and that's how I roll on a Saturday night. In fact, right after I'm done with this I'm gonna try and kick myself in the nuts.

The Church of the Immaculate Dirty Harry

Prom photo. Someone is going to regret something in the morning.

Enlarge to enjoy the sarcasm in it's entirety.

Goddam Bill. Ever consider decaf?

Best. Advice. Ever.

DESTROYING THE DRUMS

2009-11-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

Hey. Ever see anyone absolutely destroy the drums? If you haven't, you're going to now. Tonight I'm posting a video of Travis Barker setting down the drum track to a tune called "Forever" by a dude called Drake. ... I know, but it's a cool video. The catch is that the song was made about 1000% cooler when it was mashed up with Eminem. Despite the mix-up fanciness, it's still Mr. Barker attacking the drums on the track, and it's awesome. The last time I went at something like that it was all you can eat Swiss Colony Beef Log at Pepperidge Farm.

VETERANS DAY.

2009-11-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been around in a while. It's been a crazy few weeks involving international intrigue, malicious espionage, nefarious subterfuge, pancakes made with breast milk, and a wicked case of the chafies. So, anyway, I thought I'd ease back into this with a tribute to all our veterans. Thank you. Without you, retards with a wise mouth like myself, would be one of the first slated for castration in the public square. And that would really f-up my sublime singing voice. **Ahem... Doe - a deer - a female deer...**

CRUSH THE CASTLE

2009-10-22T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of those on-line flash games. They're kind of like electronic masturbation but without the happy ending... and genitals. But I started playing Crush The Castle a few days ago and haven't stopped since. I'm not going to get into explaining it here. It's pretty easy to figure out. Once you take out the first castle it'll be like time travelling: the next time you become self-aware it'll be two days later and you'll be wallowing in a puddle of your own excrement. Yeah, it's that good. Click below for the link. Pip pip cheerio!

CRUSH THE CASTLE

I THOUGHT WE WERE WAY COOLER THAN THIS

2009-10-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when America looks stupid. But then I watched this video and realized that I'm swimming against the tide big time in wanting Americans to appear smart and sophisticated to the rest of the world. So I'm just gonna kick back with a pork rind and my blue jean cutoffs and breathe deep the sweet musty odor of mediocrity. Join me won't you? By the way, the music for this video is perfect.

SAMBOOOOOO DEE... OK...?

2009-10-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

The Dow is over 10000 this week. Gas in Afghanistan is $400 a gallon. People are too f*cked up to buy their sixers. And there's another cool mash-up of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." But that's not what I'm writing about tonight. Nope. I'm writing about a prank call to a Chinese restaurant, because I have no sense of priority whatsoever; and politically incorrect humor is awesome. Oh, that reminds me... did you hear the one about the Muslim terrorist, the gay priest, and the aborted fetus who were protesting for a public health care option...? Nah, me either. But wouldn't it be awesome if there really was a joke that started like that?

AND YOU'RE NEXT KATO...!

2009-10-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this video is all over the internet right now. I usually skip the low hanging fruit but it's mildly amusing. The video is a practical joke on a guy where they make it look like everyone in the room is being shot by a sniper. So that's funny right? I guess so... unless you're the guy who looks like he shits his pants about 1000 times. I don't know what all the anxiety is about. I mean, aren't all adult Japanese males ninjas anyway? Karate chop the bullet bro. Sheesh. By the way, I'm still in the process of building my ninja army. If you know any good ones send 'em my way. Hiya!

HOT ELECTRIC TOXICITY

2009-10-13T20:28:00.001-07:00

Hot chicks make everything better. Now, combine that with electric instruments and some shredded tunage. That, my friends, is a recipe for awesome. It's not too often that you get all three mixed together. Oh, you might get one or two at a time; but all three at once is a big win. If you want to up the ante with a bare nipple or two, a few whammy bars, and a song about dragons... then I'm in. I'm in in a big big way Buster. Pfft... I just summarized the entire 1980's.

LETS START THE WEEKEND!

2009-10-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the best way to start a weekend is with a popsicle.... a motherfu*king popsicle.

LIGHTSABER VS. SUPERMAN

2009-10-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

I fancy myself as being pretty spiffy with this whole Internet thing. I got my finger on it's digital pulse so to speak. So, I can say unequivocally that there hasn't been dick of interest going on in cyberspace lately. I mean, there's the usual fart video, a some free mashed-up tunes, and people being outraged by [insert controversial political issue here]; but nothing unique. Still, I wanted to throw a post against the wall to let you - the WTCCTR Army - know that we still march on. Lack of content will not hold us back. But I gotta post something and all I could find was this crappy article about what would happen if you hit Superman with a light saber. Check out the piece of crap here. Yeah... I know... I got nothin.

HELL'S COMIN' WITH ME!

2009-10-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

I was channel surfing tonight when I came across an old flick that probably has the best pwnage scene in modern movie history. The movie is "Tombstone;" and the scene shows Wyatt Earp declaring war on the Cowboy gang - who have just killed his youngest brother. If I live to be a million years old I'll never say anything half as cool as this. I mean, there was that one time I got pissed off at the post office and, while I was yelling at Mr. I-Want-Extra-Postage, I broke out into a mini scat/beatbox interlude - and then went right back into my tirade. That was pretty cool. I think I was channeling Biggie Smalls or some other dead rapper... or I have early onset tourettes syndrome. One of the two... umm... now that I'm thinking COCKHEAD about it, it's probably SHITHEEL the second FISTUALA one. Stay strong ASSHAT brothers.

YOUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY SEX TAPE?

2009-10-02T17:22:00.000-07:00

You know, Webster was a great show. It was on from 1983 to 1987 and was just a nice, wholesome sitcom starring Emmanuel Lewis. But it's been over 20 years since the show left the air and some people might wonder, Hmmm... I wonder if Emmanuel Lewis ever ended up doing a sex tape? Well, now you can find out. A site called Dazereader has a page that lists out all the celebrities who may have put out some celluloid of themselves banging their genitals against someone... or something. Unfortunately, it won't link you to the video if they did leak a tape. But that's ok because who really wants to see Mini Me (Verne Troyer) humping on someone? Christ on a cracker... it's like playing Russian Roulette with your libido. No thanks man. But just in case you're feeling lucky, you can check out the site here. And if you want to get that Mini Me image out of your head, here's a short clip of Jessica Simpson in a bikini. OH, but before I forget, we have a winner for the best news headline of 2009: Ted Willaims frozen head was placed on an empty tuna can and beaten with a monkey wrench at a cryogenics lab. Yeah. Really. ... And now, on to the bikini!

PLEASE HELP US FIND THE CRIMINAL RODNEY STENGER.

2009-09-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

There's a special place in hell for people who abuse children and animals. So, when we have a chance to catch one of these depraved bastards, I think everyone should do a little extra to try and bring the person to justice. Tonight is one of those times. Please watch the brief video below. Get a good look at the accused child abductor Rodney Stenger. If you see him skulking around your neighborhood call someone with a uniform and have this SOB brought to justice. I want hard time. That means no running wheel... er... exercise yard either. Just 24 hour lock down. Food pellets... er.. bread and water. And that's it.

THE HEALING OF AMERICA

2009-09-22T19:31:00.001-07:00

This guy to the left here is T.R. Reid. He's a reporter who traveled all over the world looking at their health care systems, and then wrote a nifty little book. But since reading sucks he gave a seminar summarizing his findings. The link to the video is here. Heads up to everyone: it's over 1 hour long. The first half hour is very worth watching because he objectively compares our system to almost every other industrialized country - and puts the current debate playing out on tv everyday into some kind of context. The second half hour is his basically advocating for a public system followed by a question/answer period. The question/answer part is pretty interesting too. Agree or disagree, this dude knows his health care; and he does a good job of summarizing the whole issue in plain English. But, if all that sounds like a needle in the eye, you have my blessing to skip it all and just check out this hot nurse. Can I get an amen?

REDNECK NINJA

2009-09-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm still trying to build a ninja army. With the economy the way it is you'd think there'd be a lot of them looking for work, but I'll take a Chinese star to the eye if I can find any. I mean, how am I supposed to implement Operation Finger Bang without some stealthy Asians? ... What's Operation Finger Bang? you ask... Well, if you're not female and between the ages of 24 and 77 you really don't have to worry about it. If you are, just know that it takes ninjas. Lots of ninjas. And not the ass-clown kind like the guy below.

2001 - A SPACE SUCKOLOGY

2009-09-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

I'm not very musical. In fact, I once pulled my groin trying to hit a high note on a kazoo. The point being - I know I suck at music, so I don't attempt it. I leave it to people who have some kind of a musical talent. Just like I wouldn't expect some fruity oboe player to muscle in on my territory and all of a sudden be able to use a deft and charming wit to completely beguile all the women in a fifty foot radius so much that they can't help but start pawing at his pants. I mean, we all have our own little talents is what I'm basically getting at. So when I heard this band doing a rendition of 2001: A Space Odyssey I realized that their abilities also lie somewhere other than music. Like laying flat on their backs in an empty room and remaining completely still for as long as they can. Just a thought.

AHOY, YE SCURVY NUB RUBBERS!

2009-09-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

Avast yer drubbery and take up dem patches o'eyes and pegs o' legs, and be quickly about it, ye sons of biscuit eaters! Yup, that's right... today is International Talk Like A Pirate day. Bet you didn't have that on your Hanna Montana calendar, did you? It's all about priorities you sqiffy bastards. The best part of Talk Like A Pirate day is that most other people don't know about it; so when you jump out of bed at the crack o' dawn and scream at your wife, "Shiver me timbers Lass! Ye best be gettin' to swabbin' the deck before I keelhaul ye like a scurvy sprog!" she'll be too confused and scared shitless to really be upset at you. Trust me... it's a funny joke. Here are the tools you're gonna need for the day. First, get your pirate name here. For the record, my pirate name is Bloody Tom Flint (which is funny because my real name isn't even close to that). Your pirate vocabulary is here. And you're pirate-y pep talk is here. And, best for last, a hot pirate babe to wet yer whistle on (a TON more HOT pirate babes here):

WAKING UP TO MACHINE GUNS

2009-09-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

Waking up is never a pleasant experience. I have my alarm sound set on bamboo whistle or some ridiculous soothing crap like that, and it's still pretty aggravating when it goes off at 6am. So I can't even imagine the terrible headache you must get when awoken by machine gun fire. I mean, it's gotta be 100% worse than opening your eyes and seeing a Cleveland steamer hatched on your chest... I'm just saying...

ASK PROPECIA

2009-09-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

The wise sage Whitney Houston once said, "Crack is wack." That kind of sweeping indictment - especially of something that has some obvious social benefits - has never set well with me. First, crack provides cocaine at an affordable price to working-class people. I mean, pure cut cocaine is insanely expensive. Even in our current recession the price is through the roof... uh... from what my friend tells me. Also, it helps curb appetite and promotes better eating habits in the form of smaller portions. Seriously. Who's got time to grocery shop when you're cruising street corners trying to track down a rock. And, lastly, it's a mind expanding drug that helps people see the bigger picture. Take tonight's featured person - Propecia. I'm sure before she started smoking crack that she wasn't very insightful into relationships or giving life advice. But, as you can see from this video, she's obviously been gifted with an amazing insight that's rare in our fast-paced, electronic age. Unfortunately, Proceia is dead now. A sensitive soul too delicate to cope with the cold day-to-day goings on in this topsy-turvy world. RIP crack ho. And stay strong.

2009-09-11T05:10:00.000-07:00

NYPD officers killed: 23

Port Authority Police killed: 37

Firefighters killed: 343

Total number of people killed: 2819

Don't forget.

CLOSER TO... er... BY DICK CHEESE

2009-09-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

Tonight, in honor of all the lounging around that goes on on Labor Day, I'm featuring a little musical interlude: Dick Cheese and his band, Lounge Against The Machine. They'll be doing a sublime cover of NIN's Closer. And it is glorious. In fact, I'm going out tomorrow at around... oh... 7am with my new Richard Cheese album and driving through all the terrible parts of town with the bass on '10' playing every. Single. Track. Two can play this game ghetto people!

FUNNY, THAT'S MY FAVORITE TOO

2009-09-06T21:03:00.000-07:00

THE ULTIMATE PB&J

2009-08-25T18:01:00.001-07:00

I thought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was something I had down pat. I mean, we've firmly established that I'm no rocket scientist but making a pb&j sandwich is right above breathing and heart rate on the old brainstem, right? Well, I guess not. Tonight I'm posting a diagram/guide to make the most ultimate, nut-stuffin' pb&j this side of your mother. All I have to say is: who knew? Who f*cking knew...? Goddam peanut butter and jelly...

(click image for larger view)

SHIT MY DAD SAYS

2009-08-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

Whoa. It's been awhile. Sorry about that. I think I got some bad moonshine because the last thing I remember is visiting my buddy Larry at his cabin in the woods and helping him with his still. I came to yesterday afternoon half lying in a stream, naked from the waist down, and missing a pinky toe. Needless to say, trying to get a ride back home was a nightmare. But I'm back baby! So, tonight's post has to do with Twitter. I'm just old enough to have that 'get off my lawn!' feeling about Twitter - it seems like a snotty young kid who doesn't make any goddam sense. But I ran across this guy's twitter page where he just writes down awesome shit his 73 year-old father says. I've read them all and -yes - they are awesome. My favorite so far?

Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices. Jesus

Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs.

Dash isn't even real dammit!

Check out "shit my dad says" here. And if any of you run across a really f*cking handsome pinky toe, please contact me immediately. Stay spicy!

Technorati Tags: twitter, still, shit, my, dad, says, fat people, single payer, alcoholism, palin, olberman, atm machine

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HEALTH CARE CRAMPS

2009-08-18T17:07:00.000-07:00

If you've turned on the tv at all in the last month you've seen someone talking about health care. Town halls, armed people, yelling, socialism... I've even heard the labels "nazi" and "Hitler" thrown around. Ok. Now I'm not sure what the answer to the whole health care debacle is but I am sure that I'm not a rocket scientist. So all this yelling and screaming combined with cable news talking heads telling me what should happen has only made me more confused. But I've managed to cobble together a few thoughts after listening to the cacophony coming out of my television:

* health care is a limited resource. So, the question is: how should it be distributed?
* people equate health care reform with them losing access to their doctor
* Americans think we have the best health care in the world (actually we're 37th)
* using the word "socialism" is the same as telling someone a "Yo mamma is so fat..." joke
* bringing a loaded weapon to a town hall debate is like hooking electrodes to your bosses' testicles before having your yearly performance review

Like I said, I'm confused. But there was a guy on tv today who presented an argument on why health care should be 100% run by the government. And, I gotta say, he had some pretty good points. Yup. That's right. Socialism. One hundred percent government run... just like our banks and car companies. Stay strong... and healthy. (PS - I'll warn everyone right now, the video is 10 minutes long. But it's still pretty motherfuc*ing interesting).

Technorati Tags: health care, public option, private option, obamacare, town hall, debate, crapulosity, socialism, public option

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FRANK SINATRA FRIDAY

2009-08-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

Frank Sinatra was The Man. He lived life on his terms: hard partying, womanizing, traveling, famous, rich, and unapologetic. So, in honor of this awesome cat, I'm officially naming today - August 14th - as Frank Sinatra day in the WTCCTR Universe. Put some Old Blue Eyes on the hi-fi, mix a mad vodka martini, and take a few tokes on a cigar the size of a stovepipe. Or, better yet, do it YOUR way. Stay awesome.

My way ( lyrics) Frank Sinatra.mp3

get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

NINJAS

2009-08-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

I've been building my own ninja army for years now. But it's a slow, tedious process because... well... there just aren't that many ninjas bouncing around any more. Or, maybe there are a ton of them, and I just don't know about them because they're frigging ninjas; and you can't see the crazy bastards. Either way, I'm getting a little desperate. I mean, look at some of the applicant pool. Jesus Christ man.

Technorati Tags: ninja, army, fighting, combat, martial, arts, mma, kick ass, health care

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A CRASH COURSE IN EBONICS

2009-08-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of ebonics. A few years ago a few progressive minds in our country were trying to get it recognized as an actual language (uh... like the kinds that are traditionally taught in school). Personally I was all for it. Unfortunately, it never really took off; and has since kind of faded into the background of our daily national din. But I'm a trail blazer and I don't want to see this unique form of expression fade into obscurity. So, tonight, I'm being the tip of the spear, and am presenting two instructional videos. The first is a primer (if you will) in this rich form of expression. The second is a master linguist practicing his craft. Enjoy this my wack lil hens.

Technorati Tags: ebonics, primer, linguistics, spork fish

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Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road...?

LAST MINUTES WITH ODEN

CHRIST, WHAT DOES A RUBBER FIST HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING...?!?

HI FIVES, LIGHT SABERS, AND REALLY REALLY WHITE PEOPLE

THAT'S JUST F-ING GREAT

WHOA, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE...???

POTPOURRI FROM HELL

FIRST SANTA CLAUS, NOW THIS...

THE COOLEST GUYS IN THE WORLD

THE RAVEN

THE ONE I LOVE IS GONE

TIME TO OPEN YOUR HEARTS YOU MANIACS

I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE

JUNEBUG'S BACK... and more retards

WILL EVERYONE PLEASE RISE...

ANGRY RETARDS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT

A CALL TO ARMS

THE GIFT

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.... remember these?

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

SMELLS LIKE... FRIGGIN' AWESOME

DRUNK HISTORY

WHAT'S UP DOC?

F*CKED IN THE FANDANGO

THE DAY OF ST. PATRICK

TIME FOR A DUB

THE WRAITH

I GOT NOTHIN

BUG'S BACK

FIRE

MORE LOVE ADVICE... JUNEBUG STYLE

LET'S LIVE TO 100?

NAKED YOGA

YOU ARE BEING WATCHED

TOM GREEN DROPS BOMBS

SUNDAY SKANKS

THE FRIDAY KICK ASS

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... PART 2

ROLLING THE DICE

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... AND A FUN LITTLE TUNE.

THE JUNEBUG RESPONDS

FURIOUS FUCHSIA

ASK THE JUNEBUG

THE DARK DAY OF VALENTINE DESCENDS UPON US

THANKS!

WANNA GO TO WAR WITH A NAKED CANNIBAL?

CALLLING ALL CHICKENS

VAN HALEN AND A HOT CHICK

DEATH METAL ROOSTER.

UH OH.

MY SONG

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTIONS

CRASHING INTO 2010!

YEAH, SHEAR THAT ASS.. er... SHEEP!

LET'S HOOP IT UP!

JUMPING TO YOUR DEATH... IN HD

I'M TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN

THE EDGE OF TIME

FIVE *ADDITIONAL* RANDOM PHOTOS

DON'T JERK OFF TO THIS

BLACK SUPREMACISTS?

AN INTERVIEW WITH SASHA GREY

I'M GLAD WE HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT

HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES!

PROGRAMMING NOTE AND BOSTON VS. HOUSE OF PAIN

PISSING AWAY MONEY

FIVE *MORE* RANDOM PHOTOS

DESTROYING THE DRUMS

VETERANS DAY.

CRUSH THE CASTLE

I THOUGHT WE WERE WAY COOLER THAN THIS

SAMBOOOOOO DEE... OK...?

AND YOU'RE NEXT KATO...!

HOT ELECTRIC TOXICITY

LETS START THE WEEKEND!

LIGHTSABER VS. SUPERMAN

HELL'S COMIN' WITH ME!

YOUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY SEX TAPE?

PLEASE HELP US FIND THE CRIMINAL RODNEY STENGER.

FIVE ADDITIONAL RANDOM PHOTOS

FIVE MORE RANDOM PHOTOS