THE 48 LAWS OF POWER - PART 1

There was this kid in high school who used to try and burn the tip of my nose with his cigarette lighter every day at the lunch table.  He was one of those dudes who had a full beard by the time he was in 10th grade; and would make out in the hallway with the cute girl who I had a crush on since kindergarden.  Yeah, it was a magical time.  

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Soon after high school I took up boxing.  And after a few years of getting my ass kicked over and over by a Puerto Rican who worked at a bakery down the street, I decided to try destroying others in a more gentlemanly way - through graft and deceit.  And that's what led me to "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene.  It's a fancy little read about how to grind people into dust both morally and emotionally.  So far it's worked like a shiney friggin' charm.  I summarized the major points of the book in a slide show.  Here's the first part.  

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By the way, the kid who used to try and smoke my nose in high school... I saw him a few years ago.  He's bald and works at Radio Shack.  It was like a hug from the little baby Jesus.

TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER.

So some fantastic news today from my local IRS office in Holtsville, NY.  My tax accountant messed up on my returns from a few years ago and I now owe an extra $1500.  So that's relaxing.  Really is.  Just like the time my cat tried to crawl up my leg and ended up hooking one of his claws in my left nut.  Except, with that, I had money left over to buy groceries.

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Funny little thing about taxes though.  You know that 'old wives tale' that says, "there's no law that requires you to pay taxes."  Well, there's something to it.  Just beware: challenging the IRS is like having a million cat's claws hook into your junk.  I'm just saying.  

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A warning about this video: wear old clothes when you watch it... it made me piss and shit myself, and ruin a perfectly spiffy pair of corduroy pants.  True story.

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   AMERICA: FREEDOM TO FASCISM (part 1 of 12)

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ps - the rest of the series is posted on YouTube.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENTS... BY RICKY BOBBY.

And that's "one to grow on" Buckos.

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PEOPLE I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH.

So it's Monday night and I'm just doing my usual browsing of gang photos.  I get a perverted sense of amusement thinking how uncomfortable I'd be if I were dropped right in the middle of these pictures.  I'd be forced to fall back on my wit and charm.  And while I'm the wittiest, charm-iest fellow you're ever gonna meet I have a bad feeling it would mostly be lost on these dudes - especially the maniac pointing the gun at the camera (wrapped in the purple bandana).  So that's why I carry a few tubes of glitter with me where ever I go.  The way I figure it, tossing all that sparkley goodness into the air will simulate some kind of "bling" storm that will create a shock-and-awe effect on the bandits.  And that, Buckos, will give me all the time I need to high step it right the f*ck out of there.  I'd probably cream the old drawers but it wouldn't be the first time and probably won't be the last, if you know what I mean.

CHRIST, I MISS THE 80s.

You know, I see pictures like this and I miss the 1980s.  And this picture pretty much sums it up.  I mean, these guys got up and got dressed for this picture, and were trying to look as bad-ass as possible.  It's ironic that almost 30 years later they look the absolute opposite.  The fake leather, the mullets, the skinny tie, the boce-ified looks.  Yeah, it's magic.  It's friggin' magic.

LET'S CUT SOME CHEESE.

A lot of people watched the Superbowl this year.  And, of course, a lot of expensive commercials got watched also.  I'd rate them on a scale from "ok" to "absolute crapola."  One of the "banned" commercials is this one below from Bud Light.  Now, with all the nipples and murder and abuses we see on tv every day, why is an ad about ripping farts considered offensive?  Anyone?  Bueller?

TWO DIFFERENT MOVIES. ONE BIG AWESOME.

I'm posting two movie trailers today.  Each one is very different from the other, but the amount of awesomeness in each one is exactly the same.  Huge Buckos.  Huge.

The first movie is IronMan.  Directed by Jon Faverau and starring Robert Downey Jr. it's due out in May of this year.  It looks like Faverau and Downey absolutely, 100% nailed it.  Watching it gives me a warm, gentle feeling in my groinal region, which then spreads to... well, ... pretty much only around to my assy area.  But you can bet your bottom dollar that it's a good thing.  Yupper.

Iron Man Exclusive Trailer

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This next preview is for a movie entitled "Super High Me."  Kind of a spoof of the successful documentary "Super Size Me" except with weed.  Comedian Doug Benson smokes spliffs for 30 days and then goes off it for 30 days to see the effects.  That, my friends, is genius because dudes smoked up on the ganja are hil-ar-i-ous.  Comedy gold Buckos.  I mean, Cheech and Chong were so far ahead of their time they looked... well... they looked stoned.  But they weren't.  They were comedy custodians sent from the future to shepherd us through The Cosby Show, Full House, and Carrot Top; to get us to this movie.  Drink in the awesomeness Buckos.  Drink it in.  Or should I say, smoke it up.