BEST MOVIE EVER? YUP. BEST MOVIE EVER.

Citizen Kane?  No.  It's a Wonderful Life?  Nah.  From Justin To Kelly?  Wrong again.  The best movie in the history of our squidgey little asses is The Big Lebowski by Joel and Ethan Cohn.  It's a warm-hearted tale of The Dude - a fairly lazy guy who really enjoys his days smoking spliffs and bowling.  That is, until some guys break into his apartment and piss on his carpet.  The rest of the film has him and his buddies (John Goodman as Walter and Steve Buscemi as Donny) tracking down a new rug.  I mean, shit, "it really tied the room together."  But instead of posting the trailer or some crappy clip... I posted the entire freaking thing!  Ha HA!  I mean, am I better than a roofie on prom night or what?!?  Seriously!  seriously.  **golf claps**

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If you want to watch a few scenes that give you an idea of the insane awesomeness that is The Big Lebowski just forward to: 3:50m, 7:40m, 12:15m.  Otherwise, let it play... because every minute is like hug from Jesus.  Ok Buckos, silence those cell phones and strap in!

PS - If you want to see the larger version go here

Technorati Tags: The Big Lebowski, The Cohn Brothers, weed, spliffs, Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, best, movie, ever

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PETER NGUYEN IS MY HERO

Short post today since I spent most of the day tromping around in the woods flinging buckets of water and pushing logs around.  It's a long story but let me just recommend that you not get involved in a game of craps with a guy named "Pinky" who has a tear-drop tattoo on his face.

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The picture on the left is of an essay a Mr. Peter Nguyen wrote for Mr. Farlow's honors english class.  Click on it to get the bigger picture.  I have to assume that the teacher's comment on the bottom, "Peter, please see me," is so he can properly thank Peter for an eloquent and informative contribution to the Walt Whitman discourse.

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Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go call my mother and tell her I love her.  And remember Buckos: craps - bad.  "Pinky" - really bad.  

Technorati Tags: Peter Nguyen, english, craps, bad

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THE 48 LAWS OF POWER - PART 3

Today's entry is the third part of my series summarizing Robert Greene's book, "The 48 Laws of Power." In the previous two videos, found here and here, I explained how I used his ideas to combat bullies trying to light my face on fire, and how it's enabled me to completely rule over my wang. Well, in this part there are some whiz-bang tips that include creating a cult! I dabbled in this a few years ago when I got some folks to believe that the end of the world was coming and us true believers would be rescued by giant space aliens shaped like nipples. The whole thing didn't go very far because the whole "cult" was just a few of my friends who smoked a lot of pot. And I was on a bad acid trip at the time. ... Now that I think about it, it only lasted a few hours until we sobered up... but those few hours were intense as shit. And I was definitely the leader. Mostly because it was my mom's house and I knew where she kept the Hot Pockets. Rule on Buckos!

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Technorati Tags: laws, power, robert greene

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ROMANCE TIP #1

It's Sunday... and that means romance.  My romantical abilities are fairly legendary so it takes some restraint to save them all for one day.  But Sunday always comes; and I wake up bursting odes to angels on clouds and candy hearts covered in chocolate cream.  More than once it's brought a tear to the eye of others.  And that's today's secret of romance I'll let you fantastic bastards in on - tenderness.  It's all about the tenderness.  The video below is a short, simple example of what I'm talking about.  Watch and grow awesome Buckos.

Technorati Tags: romance, tenderness, beer

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THE EASTER BUNNY IS A POT-SMOKING PAGAN

I suppose another Easter is upon us.  Whoopdie-freakin-doo as far as I'm concerned Buckos.  The Easter Bunny is in my Tooth Fairy category - a D-list holiday icon.  And whoever came up with a bunny handing out eggs as a representative for the resurrection of Jesus is high.  Or a pagan.  Or both.  Which is worse... way worse.  So for those of you who, like me, are sucked into some holiday family function tomorrow that involves egg hunts and that crazy bunny - I have a plan for us: bong hits and body paint.  Yup.  you got it.  If you can't beat 'em, join 'em I say.  I'm going to be the wildest, most pagan-est Easter-loving bastard you're ever going to see.  Those 2 year-olds are going to have their hands full when I roll into this egg hunt baked and painted and ready to party.   So who's with me?  

ps - don't forget to bring six pack to mellow out your buzz.  You don't want to get caught sobering up with an egg roll race staring you in the face.  *Hey, that's rhyme-y.*

Technorati Tags: easter, egg, pagan, pot, dope

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE

Rally around gang.  I know why you're here and you know why you're here, so let's get to it. 

The babe this week is Christini Hall.  Cute as a button.  I'm taking up a collection to get her some furniture.  I mean, seeing a hot chick without any furniture is like seeing... well... a hot chick.  Nevermind.

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Today's beer isn't really a review but more like a wish to the little baby Jesus.  This is Trappist Westvleteren 12 and many people argue is the best beer in the world.  It's made by some crazy-assed Belgian monks who only make a limited amount every year, so it's very rare.  This means it sells for $40 - $80 per bottle.  For that amount of cash it better taste like someone playing with my wang. By the way, if anyone would like to send me a bottle, I will do my duty to the public and review it for you.  Cripes.

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The musical interlude I've prepared for you today is "To Peace" by Sumbersed.  I'm not posting with any particular meaning.  I'm not all into peace this week or anything.  It's just a rocking tune that pumps my nads.  May it pump your nads as well Buckos.

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"To Peace"

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune

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YOU SHOULDN'T FART ON CORNED BEEF

My buddy was making a corned beef dinner for us a few days ago in celebration of St. Patrick's Day.  So that's nice, right?  Well, I was watching him prepare it and while he was basting the luscious brisket with some mustard and brown sugar; he stopped, turned, and laid a fart right on it.  And it smelled like his ass was retarded or something.  Just awful.  But I was brave and ate it anyway.  Not brave enough to tell the other people eating it though.  Hey, what they don't know ... Anyway, I don't know if you've ever tasted a fart but I'm gonna let you in on an unexplored avenue of the culinary ghetto - farts taste like they smell.  Pff... yeah... I know.  So, Buckos, time for the moral of this story: DO NOT fart on corned beef, or any other processed meat for that matter.  In fact, I am now officially against farting on livestock in general, living or dead.  It doesn't seal in the flavor.  It doesn't "add spice."  And it doesn't make you look cool.  Carry on you filthy bastards.