ROCK. PAPER, SCISSORS. FISTS.

Sounds like someone had a bad RPS experience.  I kind of had a similar thing happen, but with hop scotch.  Tired of that little rock mocking me and telling me where I could and couldn't step, I kicked that mother f-er right off and had that toe go tippety tappin' on the square where it had been.  Yup, back then a day without danger was like a day without sunshine.

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DITA VON TEESE LESBIAN SEX TAPE. UH. WHOA.

Sometimes God does things that shows us that he loves us.  Like today, when Marlyn Manson's ex-wife and famous burlesque model, Dita Von Teese, had her lesbian sex tape released.  So the official score is: Lesbians = 1, all guys who aren't Marlyn Manson = 1, Marlyn Manson = - 345,234,235.  I can't post the video but you can link to it here.  Thankyoujesusthankyoujesus.

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DO WHAT HE SAYS OR THE PISS WEASLE GET'S IT!!

So I'm cruising around the internet getting Rick Roll'd and reading about how the oil companies are asking for more tax subsidies... basically minding my own business; and I run across this picture:

(click picture for larger version... if you're f*ing nuts)

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It didn't have any comments or context with it.  Of course, uncontrollable vomiting ensued and I had to contact my old psychiatrist from like 10 years ago when I was having that issue with violent and uncontrollable bed-wetting... but that's a whole other story.  Er... right... so, anyway, in my struggle to come up with some justification for this picture, I had two ideas: 1) This is certainly one dandy fellow, like an aristocrat from olden times and 2) From the way he's pointing that pistol he must be holding his wang for ransom.  I'm figuring all the other ammo is to show he means business.  And the guitars... well, you gotta be ready to rock.  No matter what.  I mean, I pinched a gonad when I sat down too fast on a hardwood chair once but I was still able to get out a few choruses of "Back In Black."  

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If anyone else has any theories about this hairy individual please leave them in the comments section.  Remember to be careful out there Buckos - any of us makes a false move and this dude is going to fill his pecker full of lead!  Criminey!

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THE 48 LAWS OF POWER - PART 4

I don't know about you guys but the need to crush those around me seems to tug at my heart like an Atlantic City whore.  In this exciting episode of "The 48 Laws of Power" our leader, Robert Green, touches on the art of timing, the beauty of revenge, and the dangers of the free lunch.  If you're like me you'll try to use these nifty little tips together.  Like last week when I showed up at an ex-girlfriends' at 4:oo am, pee'd on her windshield, and raided her fridge.  Funny thing though - she'd moved since we were dating.  Apologies to Mr. Bing Shoefelt and his lovely wife Joan.

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TELEMARKETER PRANK CALL.

Question: ever try to have someone sell you life insurance while you're on the crapper?  Me either.  But I did once try to fill out a DMV form while taking a dump.  Oh... it was a high-risk maneuver alright but, when you got a wang like mine, you're used to living with danger Buckos.  Now, let's get our poopin' on! 

PS - The guy in the call is comedian Tom Mabe.  He's got whole cd's full of this stuff.

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AFRO NINJA.

Combining all the awesomeness of karate with the best hairstyle of all time (rivaled only by the mullet), I give you... the Afro Ninja.  Hii-yaah Buckos!

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Greetings and salutations Buckos!  Today's babe is kind of like a bonus because I could only find video's of her... so that's what I'm posting.  Her name is Keyra Augustina.  She's some Argentinean chick who was given the title of "world's most perfect ass" by... who-knows.  After careful review I'm gonna have to vote "yes".  The mind boggling part of all her videos is that you don't ever see her face.  Her managers are either geniuses or idiots.  I'm leaning towards geniuses because I ended up watching about 47 of her videos trying to catch a glimpse of her face, but I came up snake eyes.  Yeah, it was rough but I'm ok.  Thanks.  I suppose she's not used to people looking at her face so she decided, 'Why bother?'  Anyway, the bonus is the nifty little AC/DC tune playing in the background.  Say hello to my little friend... Keyra.

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Today's beer is Mighty Weizenbock by some dork named Rodney Kibzey.  He was the 2007 winner of Sam Adams "Long Shot" contest; a joint where home brewers submit their frankensteins' to Sam Adams and the best of the bunch gets produced by Mr. Adams himself.  It's a little hoppy but is still like having Christmas in my mouth.  Yeah, you heard me.  BeerAdvocate.com rates it as B+ based on 130 reviews.  Normally I'm kind of against this kind of beer bigotry but who gives half a turd... you're going to try it anyway.

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Rounding out the fun is a little ditty called "Fiction" by Kids In The Way.  This song gives me the bass face.  So crack your weizenbock, grab an ass, and enjoy Buckos!  Weekend on!

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"Fiction"

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