Sunday, May 4, 2008

JON FAVREAU IS A BIG FUCKIN' BEAR MAN.

I saw the new Iron Man movie this weekend.  It's getting a lot of great reviews and some are even calling it the best super-hero movie to date.  I'd have to say it's in a close race with the first Spider-Man movie for that title.  Even so, it was pretty fucking great.  Plus the $4.00 Reese's Pieces where delicious.  The director - Jon Favreau - will now be launched into the upper tier of directors like a space monkey.  I met him once at a film festival in upstate NY.  He's a really nice, funny, down-to-earth guy.  His first movie, Swingers (which he wrote and directed), is a classic.  Vince Vaughn co-stars and steals a lot of the scenes.  Here's a clip to help Jon remember the good old days - when he was a poor struggling hilarious slob like the rest of us. 




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Saturday, May 3, 2008

TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 4.

To celebrate the parking ticket I got today I thought we'd continue on with the series "America: Freedom to Fascism" - an 11 part series on You Tube that explores the question of the legality of our having to pay taxes. 

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Don't get me wrong, I enjoy working like a little corker to give some of the righteous cashola to good old Uncle Sam.  Especially when I hear about the $24.5 BILLION dollars the government spent but can't account for.  Or the 1.9 BILLION that Medicare is overcharged for drugs by the large drug companies.  For a few more examples that show how creative the government can be with pissing away your hard earned money click here.  But only if you have big big gonads my friend.
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So now that we're staggered with a few examples of government waste let's continue on with the series which basically shows how the IRS is not much more legit that a thug collecting for a loan-shark.  Ah, good times.



PS - Just to give you an idea of how BIG a BILLION is:

                 1000 seconds=16 minutes
one million ---> 1,000,000 seconds=11 days
one billion ---> 1,000,000,000 seconds=
31 YEARS

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Friday, May 2, 2008

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

It's Friday!  That means bra sniffin', beer sippin', and ball bustin'.  Chickens... let's ride.
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Leanna Scott is tonight's featured babe for two reasons.  The first: she's cute as a button... if your buttons have huge, awesome fake boobs and are tan all over.  The second (and more awesome reason): you can see her giving a rusty trombone to some creepy looking dude in the movie "Mr. Moon's Public Perversions 1."  Any questions?  More revealing pics of her here.

Gather round.  Gather round my Buckos.  I, the Duke of Dipshitedness, take on the "King of Beers" with my randy, beer-pickled palette.  Seriously though, I honestly don't remember ever having had a Budweiser before this review; but I'm thinking that I must have.  I mean, Bud is like cockroaches - they breed like rabbits and are fucking everywhere.  I didn't have a lot of expectations when I tried the piss yellow brew this time around.  Let's face it.  Budweiser is more like the Wal*Mart of beers.  But I have to say I liked it.  It didn't have the rich hoppiness of a micro brew or kick of some imported suds; but it was good.  I rate this as "recommend" and will be sure to grab some for my spiffy summer afternoons of volleyball practices with the Hawaiian Tropic bikini team.  However, Beer Advocate rates it a D+, "avoid".  Bummer.
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These charm-school drop outs are Evans Blue and they're the band behind tonight's tune - "Shine Your Cadillac."  The title kind of threw me at first.  I mean, it's kind of gay.  Someone telling me to shine my Cadillac is somewhat offensive to my low-hanging prairie oysters (i.e., my nuts), but I decided to let it go when they completely rocked.  Well played Evans Blue, well played.




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Thursday, May 1, 2008

MEXICANS CAN'T ROOF.

I think under the right circumstances getting slapped with a hot mop could be pretty fun.








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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

TOP 5 SEXY SNOW WHITES.

Ok, I'll admit it.  I'm a big fan of Snow White.  It's true. But not the Walt Disney version.  I like the sexed up version of Snow White.  After 4 1/2 years of therapy the only explanation me and my "team" of experts can come up with is that I'm short - like a dwarf - and I have some kind of Oedipus complex.  I don't even know what the Oedipus thing is but it kind of pisses me off a little.  I mean, I should have known I'd hear some crapola like that when I first walked into my psychologists office and saw he had a surf board mounted on the wall behind his desk.  As like some kind of decoration.  Who does that?  Seriously?  

Red thigh-highs... sapping.. my... strength...


Say 'hello' to my little dwarf.

Holy bows Batman!  Hope they're slip-knots.

She comes with Apple's Extended Care Plan.

I'll eat the poison apple!  I'll eat the poison apple!


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Monday, April 28, 2008

AUTOMATIC ONLINE MONEY MANAGEMENT.

Say hey Buckos.  Tonight I'm reviewing the website Mint.com.  It's a free online service that will compile all your financial data automatically; and then put it in reports showing transactions, spending trends, and "ways to save."  It's a great service for me because I tend to avoid looking at my financial situation in detail - it usually sends me into swirls of depression and terrific fits of incontinence.  The catch: you have to provide them with access to all your accounts.  That means giving them your checking account number, your ATM pin number, your credit card numbers, etc.  The pucker factor with doing something like this is about 4000 on a scale from 1 to 10.  So, being the canary in the coal mine, I did all this about 2 weeks ago to see how it would work.  Would it track my finances or would my accounts get drained by some some pimply virgin living in Zimbabwe or some shit?  So what happened.... ?

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It's been over two weeks and the service has worked great.  I've checked my bank and credit card daily for suspicious transactions and there hasn't been any.  If they were going to take my cash I imagine they would have done that almost immediately.  Their analysis showed me spending almost $200 on "kids/education" - and I don't have any kids!  So there's one area I can make some righteous savings right there!  Lastly, it's given me "ways to save."  Some things are credit cards with a lower interest rates and checking accounts that earn interest.  You can sign up for these suggested services right on their site.  My only suggestion here is to read the fine print because some of the special offers they give you go down the old poop chute if you don't follow their directions to the letter.
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My final verdict is a thumbs up - if you have the cajones to enter all your personal financial information.  Which I, of course, do.  Plenty of cajones on this side of the screen Buckos!  

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