BUY THESE STOCKS.

Investing is tricky business.  Like negotiating a price with a Vietnamese hooker on a rickshaw driven by her pimp... uh... I imagine.  But I've put myself in a virtual cock fight with the greatest investor of our time: Warren Buffett.  How?  Well, I went portfolio-to-portfolio with the rich turd at an on-line stock tracking site - Virtual Stock Exchange - where you can invest fake money in the real market to see how it performs.  I'll admit the market has been F-ed in the A lately; and 6 months isn't a lot of time, but here are the results:

Chicken portfolio --> + 12.09% 

Warren's portfolio --> +  6.41%

Ka-Pow!  I smoked his old sausage eating ass with a few simple stocks.  And here they are:

Wal*Mart ... 

savings from denying their workers health care - passed on to you!

Google ...

maintaining world-wide dominance is easy when you own most of the money ever printed.

Intel ...

making the tiny mechanical processors for the future Sky-Net.

Apple ...

unless people stop listening to music put your money with Senor Jobs pronto.

Starbucks...

the poorest performer of the bunch.  I guess paying $3 for a coffee isn't that important when you're losing your home.  Thanks W!

Well Buckos, no excuses now.  I guess there's just one question left: "Do you feel lucky punk?"  

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FREE NINE INCH NAILS ALBUM

Trent Reznor - the man behind Nine Inch Nails - has hawked a big loogie in the eye of the RIAA by offering his latest album, "The Slip," for free, on-line, for everyone... for free.  Without charge.  On the house.  For free.  Now that's spiffy Buckos!  I'm recommending you download it even if you don't like their music.  Why?  Well... it's free... and you can't get in trouble for it... so why not?  It's like someone offering you a free piece of pie.  An awesome piece of synth-rock, dark-industrial metal pie that makes you want to kill pigs and kick piles o' shit while someone pierces the tip of your wang with a bent paperclip.  Dang I love pie!

Get the album from the NIN website, located here.

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JON FAVREAU IS A BIG FUCKIN' BEAR MAN.

I saw the new Iron Man movie this weekend.  It's getting a lot of great reviews and some are even calling it the best super-hero movie to date.  I'd have to say it's in a close race with the first Spider-Man movie for that title.  Even so, it was pretty fucking great.  Plus the $4.00 Reese's Pieces where delicious.  The director - Jon Favreau - will now be launched into the upper tier of directors like a space monkey.  I met him once at a film festival in upstate NY.  He's a really nice, funny, down-to-earth guy.  His first movie, Swingers (which he wrote and directed), is a classic.  Vince Vaughn co-stars and steals a lot of the scenes.  Here's a clip to help Jon remember the good old days - when he was a poor struggling hilarious slob like the rest of us. 

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TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 4.

To celebrate the parking ticket I got today I thought we'd continue on with the series "America: Freedom to Fascism" - an 11 part series on You Tube that explores the question of the legality of our having to pay taxes. 

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Don't get me wrong, I enjoy working like a little corker to give some of the righteous cashola to good old Uncle Sam.  Especially when I hear about the $24.5 BILLION dollars the government spent but can't account for.  Or the 1.9 BILLION that Medicare is overcharged for drugs by the large drug companies.  For a few more examples that show how creative the government can be with pissing away your hard earned money click here.  But only if you have big big gonads my friend.

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So now that we're staggered with a few examples of government waste let's continue on with the series which basically shows how the IRS is not much more legit that a thug collecting for a loan-shark.  Ah, good times.

PS - Just to give you an idea of how BIG a BILLION is:

                 1000 seconds=16 minutes

one million ---> 1,000,000 seconds=11 days

one billion ---> 1,000,000,000 seconds=

31 YEARS

Technorati Tags: america, freedom, fascism, aaron ruso, irs, taxes, government spending, waste, medicare, boobs, beer

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

It's Friday!  That means bra sniffin', beer sippin', and ball bustin'.  Chickens... let's ride.

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Leanna Scott is tonight's featured babe for two reasons.  The first: she's cute as a button... if your buttons have huge, awesome fake boobs and are tan all over.  The second (and more awesome reason): you can see her giving a rusty trombone to some creepy looking dude in the movie "Mr. Moon's Public Perversions 1."  Any questions?  More revealing pics of her here.

Gather round.  Gather round my Buckos.  I, the Duke of Dipshitedness, take on the "King of Beers" with my randy, beer-pickled palette.  Seriously though, I honestly don't remember ever having had a Budweiser before this review; but I'm thinking that I must have.  I mean, Bud is like cockroaches - they breed like rabbits and are fucking everywhere.  I didn't have a lot of expectations when I tried the piss yellow brew this time around.  Let's face it.  Budweiser is more like the Wal*Mart of beers.  But I have to say I liked it.  It didn't have the rich hoppiness of a micro brew or kick of some imported suds; but it was good.  I rate this as "recommend" and will be sure to grab some for my spiffy summer afternoons of volleyball practices with the Hawaiian Tropic bikini team.  However, Beer Advocate rates it a D+, "avoid".  Bummer.

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These charm-school drop outs are Evans Blue and they're the band behind tonight's tune - "Shine Your Cadillac."  The title kind of threw me at first.  I mean, it's kind of gay.  Someone telling me to shine my Cadillac is somewhat offensive to my low-hanging prairie oysters (i.e., my nuts), but I decided to let it go when they completely rocked.  Well played Evans Blue, well played.

"Shine Your Cadillac"

Technorati Tags: leanna scott, playboy, babe, beer, tunes, budweiser, evans blue, shine your cadillac, cadillac, boobs, rock, sphincter awareness

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MEXICANS CAN'T ROOF.

I think under the right circumstances getting slapped with a hot mop could be pretty fun.

Mexican Roofing

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TOP 5 SEXY SNOW WHITES.

Ok, I'll admit it.  I'm a big fan of Snow White.  It's true. But not the Walt Disney version.  I like the sexed up version of Snow White.  After 4 1/2 years of therapy the only explanation me and my "team" of experts can come up with is that I'm short - like a dwarf - and I have some kind of Oedipus complex.  I don't even know what the Oedipus thing is but it kind of pisses me off a little.  I mean, I should have known I'd hear some crapola like that when I first walked into my psychologists office and saw he had a surf board mounted on the wall behind his desk.  As like some kind of decoration.  Who does that?  Seriously?  

Red thigh-highs... sapping.. my... strength...

Say 'hello' to my little dwarf.

Holy bows Batman!  Hope they're slip-knots.

She comes with Apple's Extended Care Plan.

I'll eat the poison apple!  I'll eat the poison apple!

Technorati Tags: sexy, snow white, disney, hot chick, boobs, snow, white, beer

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