POSSIBLY THE WORST THING EVER: MINI-ME SEX TAPE

I have never been a big fan of Verne Troyer.  I didn't even find him entertaining in the Austin Powers movies.  He was more like a creepy little foot note.  Now we get a taste of his sex tape.  It's only a little clip but it's probably the worst thing I've ever seen in the history of my life.  Even worse than the time I misread an ad and spent two hours in a time-share seminar with Wally Firebrand - a staunch naturalist with rabid B.O.  Ah... good times.

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Catch the horror here.

Technorati Tags: verne troyer, sex tape, mini me, babes, beer, tunes, boobs, home depot, your mother

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MAKE YOUR OWN RECEIPTS!

Once upon a time I had a job where I had to submit receipts for everything: mileage, tolls, bitches.  Of course, I'd lose many of the receipts.  So I'd have to go to one of my co-workers - who used to be in the mob - and beg him to make receipts for me using some kind of illicit receipt machine he'd cobbled together.  Do you know how hard it is not to stare at the mutilated nose of an ex-mobster in order not to offend him?  Lemme tell ya Buckos, it's hard.  I mean, the dude got stabbed right in his nose in a brawl in a NYC subway.  It's hard to convince a guy like that of the importance of getting reimbursed $1.25 for thruway tolls.  

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But beg no more!  Now there's a web site that allows you to make your own receipts.  The site is Custom Receipt Maker.  And, as you can see from my sample posted above, the sky's the limit.  I mean, getting your employer to pay for your skittles and... uh... other weekend necessities...  is a nifty little perk!

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By the way, all that stuff about working with an ex-mobster who got stabbed in the nose... 100% true.  Dave, if you're reading this, I need my cooler back.

Technorati Tags: custom, reciept, maker, babe, beer, tune, pig fat

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4 POLITICALLY INCORRECT PICS AND 1 PICKLE TICKLER.

Say hey Bitches.  I was surfing around the internets looking for a Pez dispenser that will work with Viagra and came across some righteous pictures.  Four of 'em tickle my funny bone and the fifth makes my dingus tingle.

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Bad wassamelon.

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Amen.  All clowns must fucking die.

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Yeah, I'm going to hell... but I'll be giggling.

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We've all been there.

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I think this is an ad for underwear, which makes

sense because I just ruined the pair I'm wearing.

Technorati Tags: clowns, chicken, watermelon, marathon, crap, incontinence, babe, beer, tune, sexy nurse, underwear, pipewrench

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Hey Hey... first babe, beer, and a tune in a few weeks.  And I'm back with a bang baby.  

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KAPOW!  The babe is Erin Ellington.  She's basically a fitness model.  Oh she's fit.  She's fit.  Very.. uh.. fit.  Shit has me mumbling to myself.  More pics of her here.

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I'm not a great golfer but I am a great beer drinker.  And coolers fit perfectly on the back of those gay-ish golf carts.  So last week I was following one of those little white balls around and drinking on some icy cold Heineken lights.  Two words: delicious.  Well, that's only one word but they were really tasty.  Unfortunately, beer advocate rates Heiny lights as D+ ... "avoid."  Huh.

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Tune tonight is "So Sorry To Say" by Celldweller.  Even though these guys look like they're from Venus, they're really a Detroit band.  And this song isn't "sorry" at all.  It's actually pretty awesome.

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"So Sorry To Say"

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Work the weekend Buckos!  And stay strong... strong like bull you crazy bastards.

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, erin ellington, celldweller, heineken, toilet brush

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THERE ARE NO UGLY WOMEN, ONLY POOR ONES.

This site is a compilation of some of the Extreme Makeover contestants, where they take an absolute ass-faced female and turn her into a beautiful swallow... or swan... or basically make her not look like a frying pan.  I gotta be honest... it really messed my shit up to see this.  I mean, I'm old school - ugly is ugly in my book.  I didn't think God allowed do-overs when it came to ugly.  Guess I was wrong.  

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It makes my heart glad to think that in 50-100 years plastic surgery will be so advanced that there won't be any more ugliness.  That is, I'm glad for other people.  I'm on the other side of the spectrum and sometimes wish I could ugly down a little bit.  Having chicks always pawing at your pants is cool for 5 or 6 years but at some point you just have to do your banking and buy groceries without someone wanting to suck on your nuts for cripes sakes.

Technorati Tags: hot chicks, extreme makeover, elephant man, babes, cleaning products

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I'M BACK... SORT OF. PLUS, A HOT BABE.

Howdy ho Buckos!  I know.  I know.  I haven't been around in awhile.  There are a few reasons for this; not the least of which is the fact that my devastating charm and scintillating wit often lead me on adventures where I fight for justice and bang sultry bitches (not necessarily in that order). 

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Anyway, I'll be posting again but not daily as I had been doing.  Probably two or three times per week... or as my rugged good looks allow.

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So I thank all you crazy bastards who are still checking in.  As a special titillating reward here's a picture of a hot chick.  Her name is Cora Skinner.  Her claim to fame, if you can call it that, is that she's the girlfriend of Brody Jenner.  Who's that?  I'm not 100% certain but I'm pretty confident he's a dick.  

Technorati Tags: cora skinner, brody jenner, hot chick, babes, beer, tunes, boobs, macguyver

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WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW???

Ant eaters wearing sweaters... WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!?

Technorati Tags: ant eater, sweater, god, now, babes, boobs, beers, tunes, humor, cash

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