FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Howdy ho Bitches.  Last Friday's BB&T was preempted for the big 4th of July extravaganza... but it's back!

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This is Cody Bentsen.  She's a fitness model and competitor.  And when she's not prancing around in bikinis she's a physicians assistant.  Sure wish she'd check my temperature, right in the naughty hole.  More pics of her here.

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It's summer so that means that the beers fly fast and furious in the old WTCCTR household.  So I'll just pick one that's been near my mouth in the last 23 seconds: Corona Extra.  I give it a thumbs up... not an enthusiastic 'thumbs up' but a pretty solid one.  It's a good summertime BBQ kind of beer.  Unfortunately, Beer Advocate sees it differently.  They gave it a grade of D ... "avoid."  Ooohkaay.

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The band is Dead Poetic.  They're a Christian Rock band from Dayton, Ohio.  Yeah, that's right... Christian Rock.  While I'm not a huge fan of organized religion I think Jesus was a pretty rocking dude.  He probably would have listened to Dead Poetic.  Can you imagine how bad assed Jesus would be in a mosh pit.  Fuck... I mean... really... you know Jesus stage dives.  Anyway, the tune:

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"Take This Breath"

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So that's all for now you maniacs.  Remember to forward this site to any friends who you thing would enjoy humor, some Jesus rock, and righteous tits.  Stay strong!

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NO FREE LUNCH... OR BREAKFAST... OR DINNER.

So I'm at the grocery store today buying cold cuts.  I'm standing there, waiting patiently behind the biggest line of BOCES in the history of cold cuts when the woman two people ahead of me insists on trying a "sample" of each fucking thing she was getting.  I swear to God I was committing mental murder.  Seriously... if you don't know what the fuck salami tastes like by now give it up.  Stop wasting every one's time by pretending to try the meat out - like you might not buy it.  It's not a fine wine for chrissakes.  And then there was the wigger just in front of me who decided to get in a conversation about rival supermarkets' deli departments with the cold cut guy who was working behind the counter.  I.  Shit.  You.  Not.  So picture two deli-dipshits trying to out tough each other while talking (in ebonics) about the bologna slicing techniques at the place across the street.  For those of you playing along at home, that's the maxium amount of douchbaggery you can exude at any one time.  Trust me.

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So I get home and immediately try to find out how I can avoid and/or save money at the grocery store.  Unfortunately all that came up were coupon web sites that asked you for your email, phone number, address, and whether or not you've done anal with a prostitue; before linking you up to coupons for Energizer hearing aid batteries and extra-absorbent tampons made out of mow hair or some shit.  If you want to experience the insanity for yourself click here.

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Then I click a link on what the world leaders (including good old Georgie W.) are dining on this week while discussing the world's food shortage problem:

Any more irony and my nipples would bleed ketchup.

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So, where does that leave us?  What's the moral of the story?  I have no friggin' clue except to say that my deli department can kiss my roast-beefy bung hole; I hope each and every world leader at that conference gets a case of the "goby fish" Hershey squirts; and that masturbation is an awesome stress reliever.  Stay strong Bitches.

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CELEBRITY BOOBAGES

If you're American and have a pulse, you enjoy a nice pair of knockers.  And if those knockers happen to be attached to a famous person... well... that's special.  It brings a tear to my eye to think about how I'd stay up past midnight just to catch a glimpse of Heather Thomas' body double's breasteses in the movie "Zapped" on HBO.  Keep in mind Buckos - this was way before internet porn.  I had to sit through 90 minutes of watching Scott Baio butcher the art of acting just to see 2 seconds of naked boobs.  Now I can't swing a dead cat without hitting a tit.  I suppose it has something to do with my devilish wit and spectacular wang that attracts mammaries like flies.

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Anyway, tonight I'm posting a video that's an oldie but a goodie.  It shows dozens of famous peoples boobs set against the song "Show Them To Me" by Rodney Carrington.  This is my National Anthem.  All rise.

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Show Them To Me - Watch more free videos
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SCARE TACTICS.

I've got this wacky little divot in my funny bone that makes me giggle like a school girl when I see people shit their pants from fear.  There was a show on a few years back called "Scare Tactics" hosted by Shannon Dougherty.  Aside from the fact that she is one scary bitch I'm not sure how she got the gig.  Anyway, YouTube is full of clips from the show.  You can find them here.  Posted below is one of those clips that I find particularly hilarious.  Some random dude is lured into a fake bio-hazzard room and jocularity ensues when he starts to think he's staring into the abyss.  Ah, good times.

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scare tactics, shannon, dougherty, babes, beers, tunes, boobs, red turds

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SATURDAY NIGHT STROKE!

Happy Saturday Bitches.  Saturday is a day for kicking back, having a few beers, hanging out with friends, and enjoying a good stroke.  So that's what I'm dialing up for tonight's post - a good, old-fashoned, barn-burnin', speech-slurrin' stroke!  The video is from a whole series of different talks called TED talks.  The particular video I'm featuring is from a woman - Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor - who had a massive stroke.  She happened to survive and is giving a talk where she walks you through her ordeal.  Plus she uses a real human brain as a prop...  which is pretty goddam gnarly in my book.  So mix a cocktail, get comfy in your favorite chair, kick back, and enjoy the stroke!  I AM SO GOING TO HELL.

Check out the video here.

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HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!

Happy 4th of July!  Today is the day most people celebrate with cookouts and fireworks.  I'm going with girls in American Flag bikinis.  Yeah, you're welcome.

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On a more serous note, the following video is a little on the long side (15 minutes) but I would seriously take the time to watch it today.  It's our Declaration of Independence.  It's the reason why we all get the day off to grill hot dogs and shoot bottle rockets.  It's also the document that told King George, 'You're a dick.  We're going to make our own country and it's going to be the greatest in human history.'  Stay strong Buckos!

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CUNNILINGUS AND GINGER ALE.

It's summertime and there's nothing I enjoy more than cunnilingus and ginger ale.  For those of you who are not up to speed on mouwing a good bikini burger or making some delicioso home-made ginger ale - today is your lucking f*cking day.

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First: the poon.  I used to think I was a supreme jedi master in this area, until I saw this video.  Now I rule over the puddy like a kind king.  So watch.  Watch and grow awesome Buckos.

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And there's nothing better on a hot summer's night than some ice cold home-made ginger ale after barking at the ape.  It's easy to make and, once chilled, better than a hug from the little baby Jesus.  Check out the recipe here.

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That's all for now Bitches.  Tune in tomorrow for the 4th of July extravaganza!

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