CALLLING ALL CHICKENS

Remember when you were a kid, and if you got caught doing something wrong; you wouldn't get in as much trouble in a group than if you did it alone? I do. That's why WTCCTR is asking for your help to grow our ranks. If you like this site's sublime ability to dip our toe into the more dynamic aspects of social analysis, righteous babes, humor, and cash money baby; then please recommend us to just one of your friends. Everyone who does will have my sincere thanks and help move us along to doubling - maybe even tripling - the cash this site has generated so far. As of this morning that total was a respectable $14.23. We make it to $28.46 and everyone get's a piece of the action! ... Actually, I'll probably just end up keeping it for myself. But I'll be thinking about all of you. And that's even better because who wants to handle all that dirty money. It's ca-ca paper. Ptooey!

VAN HALEN AND A HOT CHICK

Whoa. So surfin' the internets this week looking for something interesting has been about as successful as cruising the local bingo parlors looking for good sphincter control. Then, yesterday, we get hit with a spiffy supreme court decision that lets corporations sponsor their favorite politicians; which isn't really a change from the way things already work except, now, they can F you in the A in broad daylight. I mean, we've all had an ex-girlfriend slit our tires; but it's usually at night. It's kinda balls-ey for her to carve up your Goodyears while you're actually standing in the driveway holding a limp Eggo and your favorite Crystal Gale cd. ... You know what I'm saying. Anyway, the point is: it's time to lighten the mood a little. Let's get this weekend started right with a classic little Van Halen tune covered in Diamond Dave's crazy Jewish chest hair; and a righteous hot chick that'll have you tuggin' at the old trouser taffy faster than you can say, 'I know why *this* chicken is crossing the road...!' Stay strong.

~~

DEATH METAL ROOSTER.

The utter and complete awesomeness of this has me at a total loss for words.

UH OH.

Dammit! The goddam SpaghettiO's guy is freakin' dead! Man! That a big crap stain for the start of 2010. There are few things in life that are non-offensive to everyone and have a universal appeal. And SpaghettiO's was one of those things. I mean, they're like puppies and free money. Who wouldn't be down for a bowl of those fun little processed treats at any given time? I'm freaking overcome with grief right now. I don't think I can even finish this post. Seriously dudes. What are we supposed to do now?

MY SONG

Remember Alice In Chains? By most accounts they were a pretty awesome band that kinda smoked everyone's ass in the 1990's. Then, in 2002, their lead singer, Layne Stanley, took enough heroin to topple a rhinoceros and died. As it turns out, he wasn't the only talented one in the group. The other guy who started AIC with him was the real brains behind the operation. His name is Jerry Cantrell and he's talented as hell - but has no clue as to how to be a rock star. I mean, he doesn't even drink. Criminey Jerry! ... that ain't no way to be playin no rock music. Even when I was lead ukulele for The Hum-dingers we'd go out after a show, down a bottle of Robitussin and get our balls waxed. You can't get much more rock and roll than that. Anyway, after Layne offed himself Jerry came out with a few solo albums that were pretty much ignored. I'm going to try and rectum that tonight by putting up a nifty little tunage off his debut solo album Boggy Depot called "My Song." So pour yourself a drink and enjoy! ... (that goes for you too Jerry).

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE

I know I don't really come across as a self-help kind of guy but I'm all for self-improvement. I wish more people were into improving themselves; especially since a solid 72% of people are massive f-holes. Seriously. That's a real statistic from Psychology Today or Popular Mechanics or something. The only problem with that self-help stuff is all the warm and fuzzy crap you have to wade through to get to the real information. Foreplay like that is annoying. Just gimme the money shot Deepak Chopra, you zany bastard. But tonight's post is cool because it avoids all that and get's right to it. So, if you're a man, and you're into the whole being happy thing; here are five things you can do to suck the joy. Yeah, suckin' the joy...

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

Signed,

Tiger Woods

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTIONS

In yesterday's post I'd started my list of New Year's resolutions. Well, tonight I'm going to finish the job. To be honest, I was having a little trouble thinking of worthwhile and attainable goals that I could commit to for a whole year; so I went online to see what some other people were doing. That's when I ran across Squeezy. I watched his resolutions for the new year and decided to adopt every single one of them. Yup. After watching him outline all eight, and the reason for each, I thought, 'Wow, here's a guy who's just like me.' So get a pen and paper and watch because these are more than revolutions... reso... uh... yeah... resolutions... they're life rules - guide posts to redemption for all of us traveling on this manic highway known as the human condition. Thank you Squeezy... and godspeed.