SUNDAY SKANKS

Between the Sunday morning news programs, the Olympics, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition re-runs I caught some brief but insightful analysis about a neglected topic in today's fast-paced, 24 hour news cycle society - skanks. I mean, they're so ubiquitous we often don't think about them that much. But skanks are undergoing a media assault right now by reality shows like 'Jersey Shore' and 'Flava of Love.' Are these shows creating an unrealistic standard for them or are they really giving strength to skanks? That's the debate. Let's go to the panel...

THE FRIDAY KICK ASS

Ok, enough of the boring financial data of the past few days. We're going to start the weekend right. Here's the deal: a few years ago a comic came out entitled 'Kick-Ass' about a high school kid, with no power or special abilities whatsoever, who tries to become a superhero in real life. Sounds dumb but funny thing... the comic mixes in enough gratuitous violence and humor to be pretty cool. Fast forward to now. Someone in Hollywood actually made a movie based on it that's set to be released in April. And what's awesome is that it looks like they kept all the gratuitous violence in there. So that's a win. Plus, as a bonus, McLovin plays the character Red Mist. Another win. But I saved the best for last... Yeah, the greatest actor of our generation - Mr. Nicholas Cage - guest shots as the character Big Daddy. Maximum win! ... I got my grubby little hands on the latest international red-band trailer for you and posted it below. Yeah, you're welcome. ... So now that the weekend is here I want everyone to tap into their inner Nicholas Cage and have a kick ass weekend. Stay strong - Nicholas Cage Strong.

ps - I'd watch the preview in full-screen mode, just to maximize the kick-ass-ed-ness-ess.

pss - minor programming note - you can now reach this fucking outstanding web page with the simpler site address: wtcctr.com

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... PART 2

Hey, remember a few days ago I put up a post outlining how the good old U. S. of A is circling the drain financially? Yeah. Well, today I saw how NBC copied me and did a story on it. Pfft... just reinforces my initial suspicions that I'm three days ahead of the curve. You're probably thinking, What's that supposed to mean? Two words: Pablo Escobar. Right out of high school I'd infiltrated his Medellin drug cartel on a dare. Anyway, long story short - if I had left just 3 days later than I did, I woulda been on a long car ride in the desert with his personal bodyguard Mr. Lemons... if you catch my drift. It's ironic though because we sure could use some of his drug money now. At the height of his power Escobar, or "Pabs" as I used to call him, was the seventh richest man in the world; with an estimated net worth of $25 billion. That's some serious cheese.

ROLLING THE DICE

Feel like playing a little Russian roulette with your computer? If you do, there's a new web site you should try called chatroulette.com. Once you sign on you're randomly connected to other people via web cam. It's an interesting ride. I mean, if you don't mind seeing the random penis or a vapid stare from some WOW nerd you'll get to view some overweight Asian guys wearing flowered bras or dudes with paper-mache horse heads. But that's not the best part. Nope. The best part is that you get to chat with them. Yeah. I know. I had to pinch myself too. So now the people you cross the street to avoid you can have a face-to-face conversation with in the comfort of your living room. The 17 year old kid who came up with the site has already probably made more money off it than I will in my entire lifetime of working like an organ grinder monkey. Thanks Jesus! Stay strong.

AMERICA'S DESTRUCTION... AND A FUN LITTLE TUNE.

I'm kinda tired of watching democrats and republicans snipe at each other on cable news programs about everything from health care to who's responsible for Bin Laden having skid marks in his underwear. I heard one guy describe it as two men swimming in the ocean and arguing about who is going to drown first. So I want to give some context, a backdrop if you will, to the rhetorical masturbation that has Washington in a death grip lately.

Current federal debt is $12 trillion dollars (and rising fast)

Total debt (personal, business, local governments, etc) is $54 trillion dollars ($679,000 for every US family)

The Federal budget for this year is $3.55 trillion... Of that...

Social Security is the largest single budget item at $695 billion

Medicare and Medicaid (health care) is at $793 billion

Defense counts for $663 billion

Interest on the debt is $164 billion (4% of 2010 budget)

"Earmarks" account for 1-2% of annual federal spending according to the GAO

If nothing changes, in 2020 the US debt will be $20 TRILLION dollars. The interest on this debt will consume 80% of the annual federal budget.

Numbers don't lie Bitches. And these numbers are telling us that by 2020 we're going to be working in factories for $0.12 per hour making Nike sneakers for some kids in China. So while we're waiting for our inevitable servitude to descend, let's listen to some free mash-up music. Stay strong.

THE JUNEBUG RESPONDS

Ok, so all you lonely hearts who posted questions a few days ago for my man the Junebug ... tonight is the payoff. However, like myself, Junebug finds most of his time monopolized with matters of national security or trying to unravel the mysteries of coral reefs - so he's only able to answer a few select questions. If yous wasn't one answered tonight, don't lose hope. He'll be back in a few weeks to take on more of your sorry-assed matters of the heart. Until then, stay strong.

My girlfriend is too nice and it makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?

Vaginosis... here to stay?

Lately I've been having a lot of dreams about either Cookie Monster or Big Bird and waking up with an enormous erection. My girlfriend has started to notice. I don't want to freak her out. Should I tell her about my Sesame Street fetish?

I used to have funky spunk. Lately I've been eating more fruit. Now the shits delicious! No question. Just thought I'd share.

FURIOUS FUCHSIA

See that color there to the left? Yeah, in real life it's pink. And it basically sums up why American car companies are going down the tubes faster than shit through a goose. Dodge recently came out with a revamp of a classic muscle car called the Challenger; and some rocket surgeon decided that 400 of them are going to be pink. Oh, they're not calling it that. Officially it's a "furious fuchsia;" which is an oxymoron if you ask me. Seriously. What straight guy would buy a pink muscle car? But maybe that's the point. Some genius over there at Dodge figured there were at least 400 'fabulous' dudes out there - if you know what I mean - who would want to drive around a 425 horse powered pile of pink homosexuality. Good job guys. Why not throw some dildos onto the backs of the seats in the minivans so the kids have something to play with on those long road trips. ... Dopes.

Just to make sure we're all still playing for Team Hetero, here's my version of "furious fuchsia." For God's sake, someone had to do something...