JUNEBUG'S BACK... and more retards

No, that's not a picture of the Junebug. That's Abby from "Dear Abby" fame. The Junebug does look a little like her though... the shifty eyes. Anyway, it's time for another installment of Junebug answering your love questions. It's been a few weeks since we've done this so I imagine all you lovelorn fuckers out there have a ton of romantic issues that need attention, like hemorrhoids in polyester pants on a hot summer day. Get the picture? SO, post your hunka hunka burnin' love quandaries in the comments section of this post and we'll be back in a few days with Junebug's sage advice. ... In other news, I had a reader make an offhand comment about mashing-up my last two posts (the National Anthem and retards). Since I'm in the business of making dreams come true, here ya go - a retard singing the National Anthem. Enjoy! Or, if you speak fluent retard-ese: Enjdootdootdootdaoy! (PS - I don't feel so bad about my going to hell for all the retard humor lately because I know each and every one of you will watch this video).

WILL EVERYONE PLEASE RISE...

I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for a good singing of our National Anthem. I've posted renditions before (here and here) but here's another awesome version, sung by a seven year old girl. I'm kinda hoping this partially redeems me for the retard post from yesterday, even though I still think it's highly goddam hilarious.

ANGRY RETARDS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT

Hey. It's Saturday. I'm tired. And I don't really care who I might offend. I mean, I'm usually sensitive as hell... charming too. Just ask my mother. This being said, I'm posting a funny picture of an angry retard and a crazy mash-up song of Lady Gaga and Metallica. Why? Because irate retards are funny and some mash-ups are cool. There. I said it. Yeah, I'm going to hell - especially if God is a big, fat, googley-eyed retard. Never thought of that, did ya?

***

PS - If you're into the whole mash-up thing, follow "Mixes & Mashups" on Facebook. Some dude cranks out about four a day, all of which you can download. No, no thanks are necessary. Your undying devotion is more than enough.

A CALL TO ARMS

It's time to mobilize the WTCCTR Army (that's you) for a mission of trivial proportions. The local paper here is hosting an on-line "Best Of..." poll for local goods and services; and, you guessed it, one of the categories is "Favorite Local Website." Well, I wanna pull off the upset. Right now the front runner is probably fridaypuppy.com, which features dogs, people taking walks, recipes, and other normal random bland crapola which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I'd like to usurp the title from fridaypuppy and let people know that sometimes, just sometimes, monkey porn, nirvana covers and midget lesbianism win out over orzo recipes and free t-shirts. So lace up your jack boots - here's your assignment:

1. go to THIS page and scroll half-way down the page.

2. click the box that says "Vote for Capital Region's Best."

3. you DON'T have to answer every question... skip forward until the progress bar at the top is at 75% complete.

4. you should be on the section that asks for your favorite local website.

5. enter this web address: WWW.WTCCTR.COM

6. tell a friend to repeat steps 1-5. I want to kill this thing.

I'll let you know the results as they become available. Listen... we pull this off... well, let me just say... the beer will flow like wine while spunky little nymphs cup our balls and whisper where we can find buried treasure. In the meantime, here's your combat pay for today.

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #1

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #2

WTCCTR evidence of awesome exhibit #3

THE GIFT

So I stumbled across this gnarly little short film today that was pretty righteous. Most of the time these short films that litter the internet are beyond awful; and I rarely get past the first five seconds. The web site funnyordie.com is like this. Everything they do is so un-funny it actually has the opposite of it's intended effect; and I'll walk away so aggravated that I'll have to call a complete stranger and say, "Hey, the shit is in the bag," and hang up, just to relieve some tension ... Anyway, back to this flick. It has something to do with robots and unicorns and some little brat by the river but beyond that your guess is as good as mine. It's still pretty spiffy. Trust me. I'm a doctor.

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.... remember these?

Heyde Ho chicken fans! So many of you are probably thinking, 'Well, it's about friggin' time. Your last post was a week ago!' Yup. It was. And the reason it was is due to the fact that the internet is becoming like cable tv - a billion channels and nothing on. There hasn't been one gosh golly dang interesting or unique thing on this series of tubes we call the internet all week. It's all been Tiger Woods and a bunch of geeky shit (e.g., iPad shit, why it's o.k. for vegans to eat oysters, etc.). I'm talking total bullshit. And, trust me, I looked. Anyways, a buddy of mine suggested I resurrect the "Beer, Babe, and a Tune" post that I used to do every Friday. All the international recognition and acclaim doesn't mean I'm not still in touch with the people. So here goes.

Chips ahoy boys! This is Charlie Christine. There wasn't much information on her but here's her web page anyway. So if she doesn't care then I guess I don't care. And I really don't. Unless it has to do with her skills as a french maid; I really, really don't give two craps what her favorite flavor of ice cream in high school was.

Tonight I had a few Sam Adams Black Lager's. It's a little bit heavy but had a nice flavor that really goes down good while showering. Just trust me on this. Beer Advocate rates the suds as a B+ ... "very good." Yeah, ok. Very good. I love it when a plan comes together.

The Dropkick Murphys are a Celtic punk/hardcore band from Quincy, Massassachussets. I'm putting their tune up tonight because I felt like hearing some bagpipes again. I'm still in the St. Patrick's day mode I suppose; and bagpipes are my cowbell - more bagpipes bitches!

As usual, I'll go the extra mile for you maniacs and deliver a little bonus pic of tonight's babe. What now wiseguy?

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

Easter is almost here so I'm celebrating the resurrection of Jesus with a movie preview. But not just any movie. It's a preview for a horror flick called "The Human Centipede," which is about a gnarly doctor who surgically attaches people together in a chain - mouth to anus (or asshole, for those of you non-aristocrats out there). I've been telling people about this movie for a few months but everyone thinks I'm making it up; so here's video proof I haven't gone completely batshit insane. Fingers crossed they're going to release a 3D version.