CRAZY DRIVER

Like a lot of people, I enjoy a relaxing afternoon of chain-smoking combined with pots and pots of coffee.  The black-outs are like time travelling and the nose bleeds can be a fun break in the day. Throw in operating a motor vehicle on top of that and you've got a pretty sweet time for yourself.  I, personally, have a nifty backhoe I like driving when I'm all hopped up on stimulants... or, as I like to call it, "gleaming the cube."  But this guy has me beat by a mile.

THE 48 LAWS OF POWER - PART 2

Here's the next installment of Robert Greene's outstanding book "The 48 Laws of Power."  In this part he continues on his theme of how to use manipulation and deception to crush your opponent.  In this politically correct age it's hard to find someone who advocates and promotes complete annihilation of an enemy.  I've used his tools to gain mastery over my chicken (ie. my wang).  I completely choke that fucker to within an inch of his life every chance I get.  Oh, yeah, and I now also completely rule the six pack and all of it's hoppy goodness.  Thanks Robert Greene!  Stay strong Buckos.

ps - you can catch the first video in this series here: Power pt. 1

IT'S ST. PATRICK'S DAY BITCHES

Greetings and salutations Buckos!  To commerate today's righteous holiday I was going to give a little spiel about good old St. Patrick; and why the hell he's got a big green day of drunken frat guys and wenches in belly shirts dedicated to him.  But then I realized no one probably gives a fat turd- including me.  I mean, really... everyone knows it's about drinking black and tans, watching parades; and trying to figure out where you are when you wake up, and why you only have one sock on with a bunch of green confetti sandwiched between the old ass cheeks.  That happened to a friend of mine.. it was pretty funny.  The results of the blood tests were a little bit of a buzz kill though.  The up-side is that since then he's lost a ton of weight.  He was a little portly to begin with.  Uh.. yeah.. anyway... Happy St. Patrick's Day!

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE

Howdy ho Buckos!  After a week drenched in sex scandal and Bono killin' kids it's time for another installment of babe, beer, and tune.  So let's get right to it.

Today's babe is Rachael Cordingley.  She's Miss Maxim 2008 Global Winner.  So according to Maxim she's the best looking woman in the world for 2008.  Ok, I'll go along with that.

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Alright.  I don't know why I picked up a sixer of Miller Chill.  But I did learn a lesson: don't huff gasoline before you go grocery shopping.  This beer is supposed to have a "natural hint of lime and salt."  I'm not sure when I got too lazy to add the lime and salt to my beers by hand, but it's happened - and now I'm stuck with five of these little monsters.  It kind of tastes like mediocre beer with a hint of dirt and piss. ... I'm sorry... I can't go on with this review... I can't stand to see malt beverages abused like this...

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In light of all the scandal recently, this week's tune is a tribute to Elliot Spitzer and his cheatin' wang.  It's "Live and Learn" by Nural.  Because, in my book, the only thing he's really guilty of is love. Love godammit. *tear*

http://www.youshare.com/view.php?file=LiveandLearn.mp3

BONO IS A BASTARD

I've never really had much of an opinion on Bono.  I kind of zone out when a guy flies in on a private jet and tells me to help end poverty.  Especially a guy who's a rock star, who should be banging broads and doing exotic drugs... like chewing on nicotine patches and shooting dog laxatives into his nipples or something.  But I saw this story on Bono today and now I see him for the sadistic sonofabitch he really is.

Bono, lead singer of the rock band U2, 

 is famous throughout the entertainment 

 industry for being more than just a 

 little self-righteous.  At a recent U2 

 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked 

 the audience for total quiet.  Then, 

 in the silence, he started to slowly 

 clap his hands, once every few second.  

 Holding the audience in total silence,

 he said into the microphone, 'Every 

 time I clap my hands, a child in Africa 

 dies.'  From the front of the crowd a 

 voice... pierced the quiet...

  'Well, fucking stop doing it then, ya

evil bastard!'

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When are these richies going to learn that you just can't go around killing kids like that.  Criminey!

SPITZER HOOKER - PART DEUX

Here she is in St. Tropez.  Well la-de-frigging-da.  I mean, five grand?!?  The last thing I paid $5000 for at least came with a stereo... so if she came with a boom box then, yeah, ok.

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The New York Times story on her:

Ashley Alexandra Dupre

GOVERNOR SPITZER'S HOOKER

(click picture for larger view)

"Kristen" will probably doing the Tyra Banks or Ellen Degeneris show next week at this time, but this is the first picture I could find of her.  This is her profile from the web page for the Emperor's Club.  So she looks fairly attractive even with her face and nipplage blurred out.  I don't know if she was worth $5000 and a job running one of the most powerful states in the union, but what do I know... my last job paid barely $20,000.oo and I was working with batshit insane people all day.  And the only perk I got was farting on them.  Sure I creamed up the old tightey-whities once in a while but it was totally worth it to see the effects of righteous bowel gasses mixing with mental illness.

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Governor, if you're reading this, you can keep the Wonder Sauna Hot Pants I sent you (*see Monday's post*).  Even though you were our governor for only a short time I want you to have them.  Wear them with pride.  And if you're ever back in Albany, look me up - we'll get together and I'll fart on you.