TELEMARKETER PRANK CALL.

Question: ever try to have someone sell you life insurance while you're on the crapper?  Me either.  But I did once try to fill out a DMV form while taking a dump.  Oh... it was a high-risk maneuver alright but, when you got a wang like mine, you're used to living with danger Buckos.  Now, let's get our poopin' on! 

PS - The guy in the call is comedian Tom Mabe.  He's got whole cd's full of this stuff.

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AFRO NINJA.

Combining all the awesomeness of karate with the best hairstyle of all time (rivaled only by the mullet), I give you... the Afro Ninja.  Hii-yaah Buckos!

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Greetings and salutations Buckos!  Today's babe is kind of like a bonus because I could only find video's of her... so that's what I'm posting.  Her name is Keyra Augustina.  She's some Argentinean chick who was given the title of "world's most perfect ass" by... who-knows.  After careful review I'm gonna have to vote "yes".  The mind boggling part of all her videos is that you don't ever see her face.  Her managers are either geniuses or idiots.  I'm leaning towards geniuses because I ended up watching about 47 of her videos trying to catch a glimpse of her face, but I came up snake eyes.  Yeah, it was rough but I'm ok.  Thanks.  I suppose she's not used to people looking at her face so she decided, 'Why bother?'  Anyway, the bonus is the nifty little AC/DC tune playing in the background.  Say hello to my little friend... Keyra.

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Today's beer is Mighty Weizenbock by some dork named Rodney Kibzey.  He was the 2007 winner of Sam Adams "Long Shot" contest; a joint where home brewers submit their frankensteins' to Sam Adams and the best of the bunch gets produced by Mr. Adams himself.  It's a little hoppy but is still like having Christmas in my mouth.  Yeah, you heard me.  BeerAdvocate.com rates it as B+ based on 130 reviews.  Normally I'm kind of against this kind of beer bigotry but who gives half a turd... you're going to try it anyway.

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Rounding out the fun is a little ditty called "Fiction" by Kids In The Way.  This song gives me the bass face.  So crack your weizenbock, grab an ass, and enjoy Buckos!  Weekend on!

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"Fiction"

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GODDAMMIT! HERB PETERSON IS DEAD!

It's a dark day in WTCCTR land today Buckos.  Herb Peterson - the inventor of the egg mcmuffin - died yesterday in Southern California at the age of 89.  Goddammit!  So what now?  Huh?  I mean, I don't think he came up with any other innovative breakfast sandwiches in the 36 years since he developed the egg mcmuffin, but he might have.  I mean, old "chicken tits" (as he was known to his friends) could have had a flash of inspiration and belted out another delicious-ey breakfast treat.  Shit, he could have come up with some square looking thing made with pork butt and relish or something.  The potential boggles the mind.  And now his bright light has faded into the blackness.  I've been mourning in front of my mcmuffin/laxative altar all day.  I'm submitting his name to the Bud Light Real Men of Genius campaign.  Godspeed Herb Peterson.  May your time in the afterlife be supersized.

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To leave things on a somewhat "up" note I included a McDonalds drive thru prank call.

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BEST MOVIE EVER? YUP. BEST MOVIE EVER.

Citizen Kane?  No.  It's a Wonderful Life?  Nah.  From Justin To Kelly?  Wrong again.  The best movie in the history of our squidgey little asses is The Big Lebowski by Joel and Ethan Cohn.  It's a warm-hearted tale of The Dude - a fairly lazy guy who really enjoys his days smoking spliffs and bowling.  That is, until some guys break into his apartment and piss on his carpet.  The rest of the film has him and his buddies (John Goodman as Walter and Steve Buscemi as Donny) tracking down a new rug.  I mean, shit, "it really tied the room together."  But instead of posting the trailer or some crappy clip... I posted the entire freaking thing!  Ha HA!  I mean, am I better than a roofie on prom night or what?!?  Seriously!  seriously.  **golf claps**

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If you want to watch a few scenes that give you an idea of the insane awesomeness that is The Big Lebowski just forward to: 3:50m, 7:40m, 12:15m.  Otherwise, let it play... because every minute is like hug from Jesus.  Ok Buckos, silence those cell phones and strap in!

PS - If you want to see the larger version go here

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PETER NGUYEN IS MY HERO

Short post today since I spent most of the day tromping around in the woods flinging buckets of water and pushing logs around.  It's a long story but let me just recommend that you not get involved in a game of craps with a guy named "Pinky" who has a tear-drop tattoo on his face.

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The picture on the left is of an essay a Mr. Peter Nguyen wrote for Mr. Farlow's honors english class.  Click on it to get the bigger picture.  I have to assume that the teacher's comment on the bottom, "Peter, please see me," is so he can properly thank Peter for an eloquent and informative contribution to the Walt Whitman discourse.

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Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go call my mother and tell her I love her.  And remember Buckos: craps - bad.  "Pinky" - really bad.  

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THE 48 LAWS OF POWER - PART 3

Today's entry is the third part of my series summarizing Robert Greene's book, "The 48 Laws of Power." In the previous two videos, found here and here, I explained how I used his ideas to combat bullies trying to light my face on fire, and how it's enabled me to completely rule over my wang. Well, in this part there are some whiz-bang tips that include creating a cult! I dabbled in this a few years ago when I got some folks to believe that the end of the world was coming and us true believers would be rescued by giant space aliens shaped like nipples. The whole thing didn't go very far because the whole "cult" was just a few of my friends who smoked a lot of pot. And I was on a bad acid trip at the time. ... Now that I think about it, it only lasted a few hours until we sobered up... but those few hours were intense as shit. And I was definitely the leader. Mostly because it was my mom's house and I knew where she kept the Hot Pockets. Rule on Buckos!

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