MAKE YOUR OWN SMOKE-ASSIN' ENERGY DRINK.

Shazam!  Tonight we're talking energy.  I've done extensive "research" on how to super-power your mind and energy levels on little to no sleep.  I've sampled a million energy drinks, popped some funky looking pills, paid chemists to strong-arm some industry insiders, and even once had chicken feathers rubbed all up in my crotch-al region (that didn't give me a lot of energy but some other weird stuff happened).  Anyway, I've boiled mental and physical energy down to a few ingredients that you can buy and mix yourselves - they'll work better than any energy drink on the market and save you a ton of money.  I'll even tell you how to best mix the s*it for the best taste.  Goddam I must love you maniacs.

**NOTE** All dosages below (mg) are to be used in 1 drink.  And DO NOT drink more than 1x/day MAXIMUM... unless you like emergency rooms.

1.  Start with CAFFEINE.  The MAIN ingredient.  No matter what the beverage companies tell you, caffeine is the main ingredient that gives you a physical energy kick.  A lot of the other ingredients are just marketing.  Maximum amount of caffeine per beverage is 400mg.  Any more than that and you're heading for a nice cardiac arrhythmia.

2.  The supporting cast:

TAURINE - improves your mental processing - 800mg max.

B-COMPLEX VITAMINS - you can buy this in a powdered form.  Take the recommended dosage for each drink mix.  Supports a gazillion brain functions.

GINSENG - an oldie but a goodie.  Buy the high quality powdered with 80% ginsenosides.  Shit reduces fatigue and improves abstract thinking - 200mg

VINPOCETINE - viagara for the brain... do I need to say more? - 10mg

CREATINE - yeah, creatine.  Increases blood flow to your muscles AND your noggin.  - 500mg max.

3.  Mix any of the following juices together in a large plastic cup: acai, pomegranate, blueberries, bananas.  All support brain function and/or have a TON of antioxidants.  Then put in about 1/2 cup of ice.  Throw in the caffeine and other ingredients.  Mix with one of these nifty hand mixers.

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Viola!  There you have it - the most smoke-assin' energy drink you'll ever have.  I'd start with lower amounts of all the ingredients above to get your body used to them; and play around with the amounts to see what works best.  You can get almost all the ingredients pretty cheaply online at Bulk Nutrition.  And if you really want to go over the top, buy some fish oil supplements to take along with it.  Fish oil jacks up blood flow to the brain and brain function overall - but can't be mixed.  Disclaimer: don't expect this whole concoction to taste like Red Bull.  It's going to taste ok at best but it'll be the most effective energy drink you've ever had.

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So that's it kids.  Remember to be careful with this stuff.  I mean, it is your brain you're messing around with for chrissakes.  Ok, stay strong.

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Technorati Tags: humor, cash, effective, energy, energy drink, ginseng, taurine, caffeine, blood flow, viagara, penis tractors

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ANDY MCKEE HAS SKILLS.

I tried to play a kazoo once when I was a kid.  It was a show-and-tell.  I played a few notes and felt pretty good until I realized I'd hit the brown note... and my entire 2nd grade class had just shit their pants.  So, standing in the hallway for every show-and-tell for the rest of the year, I had a lot of time to think.  I came to the simple conclusion that I didn't have any musical talent.  But the good thing that came out of it was that I now am able to tell when people have a lot of musical talent.  It's when I watch them play and think to myself, 'That doesn't look that hard... I think I could do that;' knowing damn well what happens when I get around instruments.  Andy McKee makes me feel that way.  I featured him once before in my Guitar Solo's post.  Here's another shot at him.  Poop strong Bitches.

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Technorati Tags: humor, cash, finance, guitar, solo, andy mckee, brown note, south park, skid marks

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Howdy Ho my beautiful Bitches.  It's f*cking Friday... and we all know what that means.

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Say 'hello' to my little friend.... ahem... er... Jamie Ford.  She's 23 years old and a personal trainer.  The pictures I'm featuring are from her Playboy spread "Sexy Wives."  Ok, so she's 23 and married.  I don't know about you but in my book that equals idiot. Ah... just how I like 'em.  She's probably dazzled by shiny objects.  Sounds like it's time for the old wrap-my-nuts-in-tinfoil-and-shine-a-LED light-on-them trick.  Yupper.  Works every time.  More pics of her here.

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A ha!  I'm throwing you a curve ball this week with the old beer-skis.  This is a re-review of Arrogant Bastard Ale.  I posted Beer Advocate's review last week but didn't have any to sample myself.  But I found a sixer.  So here we go.  Now, BA gave it an "A" grade.  I was anxious to try it and when I found it in my local beverage center I fell to the floor and wept.  I was already intoxicated - by joy.  Malt-ey, hop-ey joy.  When I went to check out I got to cry all over again, but for a different reason.  F*cker was $20 for a 6 pack.  Now I'm thinking this stuff has to be incredible.  It's gotta taste like poon and $100 bills.  I'll cut to the chase: it was good - not great.  It is a solid, strong (7.9% alcohol) brew but it tastes very similar to Sam Adams Imperial Lager.. that is to say, it's very hop-pey tasting.  The bottom line: I give it a "B-".  If it wasn't $3/bottle I might have given it a "B" or "B+", but it did so "B-".  Arrogant bastard.

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Tune tonight is "Endless Struggle" by Throw The Fight.  They're an alt-rock band out of Minneapolis.  There isn't much more about them as a band.  So.  Yeah.  Whatever.  They have a dumb name anyway.

"Endless Struggle"

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So that's all for today.  Thanks for playing WTCCTR.  Join us next time when we ask the question, 'Colostomy bags: friend or foe?'

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, Jamie Ford, Playboy, sexy wives, arrogant bastard ale, throw the fight, alt. rock, humor, cash, tits, dirty snatch

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SIX WICKED PHOTO BOMBS.

Taking pictures is kind of dumb.  I mean, how often do you pull out the old photo albums and flip through memory lane?  If you do it at all - ever - it's usually with someone who hasn't seen the pictures; and who could probably give two fantastic turds about your first communion or you and your ex-wife's trip to Barbados.  Or f*king whatever.  My point is: pictures are a mind-numbing waste of time.  So I get a warm tingle from my lower back that stretches into my nuts when I see photo bombers.  If you don't know what that is, a photo bomber is someone who jumps in the picture at the last minute or otherwise does something retarded in the background that "ruins" the picture.  I put that in quotes because I think it only makes them 1000% better but, hey, that's from a dude who doesn't own one piece of clothing without a stain on it... usually in the front and back. ... What?  I can't help it if I have control issues.  Stay strong and say 'cheese' you logy Bitches.

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I'll bet a $1000 that white kid is holding a pimp cup.

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Yeah, he's thinking what you're thinking.

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Jerry never did figure out why his nickname was "The Dildo."

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Wait...shhh... it looks like he's trying to communicate.

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Taken just before Jewey McBoner had to go to the car to change.

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The Rembrandt of photo bombing.  Well played Sir.

PS- For a lot more photo bombs go here.

Technorati Tags: humor, cash, babe, beer, tune, photo, bomb, photo bomb, photography, pictures, albums, swank bitches

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THE MAN WHO *SHOULD* BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT.

Although I try to stay out of politics I do find it interesting.  Kind of like the way I'm interested in the person who shoves bamboo shards underneath my fingernails or shoots righteous amounts of electricity into my ball bag.  And I can't remember ever having seen any candidate - past or present - where I say to myself 'Oh shit.  That's the guy for the job!'  But that all changed today.  In this political season I've found the guy who should be our next president - Bob.  He operates a web site - Drinking With Bob - where he posts rants about different topics; some political, some not.  But, shit-dang, I love his take on things.  So I don't know what you Bitches are doing for the election, but I'm writing in "Bob."  Suck on that Ohio!

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PS- Keep an eye on his t-shirts in the different videos.  Brilliant sonofabitch.

PSS- After watching about 5 of his "rants" you'll be doing his cool down at the end with him.  

Technorati Tags: humor, cash, finance, debt, deficit, drinking, bob, drinking with bob, president, awesomeness, your mother

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5 RANDOM PICTURES THAT MADE ME SHIT BRICKS.

I come across some crazy shit while I'm groping my way across the world wide web.  But it's how I got my Vietnamese bride - Chow Chow Chick A Pee - and how I was able to make my penis three inches longer (in that order).  So it's not all sour grapes and pancake tits.  For one reason or another I shit bricks when I saw these pictures.  

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Bitch really let herself go.  Dayum.

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Old pic but Jersey fags are the white equivalent of ghetto prom.

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Cookie Monster is a prick after he's been hittin' the pipe.

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Says it all really.

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Another fucking reason to fucking hate fucking clowns.

Technorati Tags: cash, humor, you'll shit bricks, wonder woman, uncle sam, cookie monster, clown, New Jersey, ghetto, prom, pistol packin' mamas

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TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 6

Sweet salutations WTCCTR faithful.  I'm back with the next installment of the movie "Freedom To Fascism," a little ditty about the governments legal authority (or lack thereof) to tax our income.  The clip below shows what happens when the IRS decides they want to audit your records; and has a scene with a Congressman years before he became well known for trying out a run for the presidency - Ron Paul.  It also goes on to give a different view on debt and credit than you're used to: the money you owe (for your house and car and to American Express) - and those "good credit scores" you chase - make you Uncle Sam's salad tosser. That's why I will only borrow money from family and friends. The 0% interest rate is pretty sweet; except with my Uncle Irving who charged me a pack of Lucky Strikes and made me shave off half his moustache (long story) for $50 I borrowed once.  Well... I didn't really "borrow" it... he gave it to me in a card for my 13th birthday.  But I guess I always knew he marched to a different drummer.  Like when he had me help him bury a dead goat in a field at 4:30am one morning and tell me if I ever mentioned it to anyone I'd "dance the two step like a virgin with a hateful cooter."  So, since I'm mentioning it now, if I don't update here for more than two days; have the authorities check all the dance clubs for a manly looking broad with a dirty crotch.  Stay strong.

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PS- previous posts on this topic are here.

 

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, cash, aaron russo, taxes, sphincter, abe lincoln, ron paul, freedom, fascism, poopies

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