JACK VALE IS A GENIUS

I know. I know. I know. I just posted some farting videos but I had to post another one - this stuff is just too funny man. Too too funny. The dude responsible is named Jack Vale and he has his own YouTube page. I highly recommend subscribing to it. Seriously. I mean, this is pure entertainment. Pure. Fecal. Entertainment. The dude has done ninety nine of these goddam things. How awesome is that?!? I'm seriously thinking about cancelling my cable for the next few weeks. I haven't been this excited since the Doc told me that that stain in my underwear was only ketchup. Stay strong... and continent... condiment... wait.. no.. continent.

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4TH OF JULY

Today is a day for friends, fireworks, cookouts, and cold beers. Good times. But it's easy to forget what really happened on this day in 1776. Not only did we declare our Independence and start a revolution, but set in motion a chain of events that would change world history. Not just for America either. Our fight for Independence inspired the French Revolution in 1789, a Chinese student to stand up to tanks in Tiananmen Square, Lincoln to engage the Enacipation Proclamation, and women to fight for equal rights. The Declaration of Independence is a transformative document who's genius lies in the fact that it has a malleability written into it - for all men to engage in "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" - a phrase purposely vague that allows it to remain powerful in it's relevancy almost 250 years later. So when you're watching Cousin Bob shoot a bottle rocket out of his butt cheeks or tossing an M80 into the potato salad remember that all the fireworks really represent the power of those words penned by Mr. Jefferson two hundred and thirty three years ago today. Stay strong.

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IN MEMORIAM

5-5-5-5

WHEN YOU CAN GRAB THE PEBBLE FROM MY HAND GRASSHOPPER...

A few years ago "The Secret" came out and was a big deal for telling people that life is mostly mind over matter. Before that there was "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle, who was pretty anxious to have people not think about anything more than 5 inches in front of their face. Going back again you have "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. He got all googley-eyed around understanding how your ego works... and somehow that would make you feel f*cking spiffy. Then, back in the late 60's, you had the classic "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas Harris. This guy sums up everyones actions into parent, child, or adult; and understanding that will give you some great insight. Well, all that stuff is pretty much high-grade crapola. I've found a new way of dealing with the world, a new philosophy, a new mojo if you will. It's called "Fuck It." I've been using it about a week now and I feel fucking great! For example, people will get all stressed out when their power gets shut off but it's really not that bad. Seriously. The toilet works without electricity, so what's the big deal? ... Stay groovy... or not... fuck it.

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GODDAM THIS GUY IS TALENTED

Hey, you guys know Eminem right? Well, imagine if Eminem was British and had talent... he'd be a dude named DubFx. I have a ton of respect for any musician, mainly because I can't even play the kazoo without inducing seizures in the elderly and scaring the neighborhood cats; but here's a guy who makes righteous tunes without any instrument. He uses a machine to record his voice then sings over that. It sounds pretty awful in theory, but he blew my mind out of my ass the first time I heard him. Mr. Fx is so talented he made me feel like I had some rhythm for about 30 seconds. At least that's what I thought it was. Pfft... I mean, technically I just pissed myself... but I think it was to the beat. Anyway, check out the video below. I think some of his other videos/songs on YouTube are better but he explains how he gets his tunage on in this one. Stay groovy Bitches.

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CRAP! THE MOST DYNAMIC ENTERTAINER OF A GENERATION IS DEAD!

The man who defined a generation - Billy Mays - is f*cking dead! Crap! (I bet you thought I was talking about someone else) I've featured him a few times on this site (here and here) because no one was able to polish a turd like Billy Mays, not even that Vince guy. See, what Billy had that no one else did was his consistency. The sheer volume of shit he turned into shinola is unmatched in modern day info-mercials. I think you'd have to go back to the early 1900's when Hiram Todd Dewey was peddling joint ointment made out of pig snouts and actual human excrement to find someone even close to Billy's level. So tonight's post is a tribute to him. Here's to you Mr. Mays. If anyone could have bought the farm... and then got one free... it's you.

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SOME HOUSECLEANING BEFORE BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

I'm trying to go green. So, when I was cleaning out my downloads folder and found a few miscellaneous items that didn't get posted for whatever reason, I decided to put them up instead of just tossing them away like some kind of wasteful bastard. No one likes that shit. And I'm going to finish it off with a cover of "Burning Down The House" done by a band called The Used... because it's ball-rattllingly awesome. Stay in school.

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