TIME FOR A DUB

We haven't done one of these in a while. This is a recent bit from Jabooody Dubs but here's my question: how is Billy Mays still doing info-mercials? I mean, the dude died almost a year ago. So what's the deal?? Is someone pulling a "Weekend At Bernies" with his corpse? If they are they're doing a spiffy job because he looks great for having croaked last June. I guess that when all your nourishment comes from OxyClean and cocaine some alchemical process takes over to keep your tissues from rotting. ... Ok, that settles it... I'm going to seal up all my holes with Mighty Putty and wrap myself in Zorbees just to see what the f*ck is up. Hey, you never know. I once had an uncle who swallowed a dime and, afterwards, was able to stick spoons to his chest. True story.

THE WRAITH

My inbox is constantly filled with emails from people asking what they can do for me, how they can send money to me, the random person offering up their body; or things to otherwise ingratiate themselves to me and further the WTCCTR cause. Normally my magnanimous nature prohibits me from accepting such offers but I just saw a video for the new limited edition Confederate Wraith and... well... SOMEONE GET ME THIS F*CKING BIKE!!! Now, don't let the price tag deter you. I promise that seeing the joy it brings to my heart will be worth every penny. In fact, I pledge to whisper 95,000 'thank you's for every dollar spent on this sweet little mama cita... as I'm riding around looking f*cking awesome.

I GOT NOTHIN

Unfortunately, Sunday nights are a low energy period in the Universe when the weight of the work week sucks at your nuts and you really can't feel the joy that would usually cup your sack like a warm washcloth. So, basically, what I'm trying to say is that I got nothin' for you tonight. A few lame photos I've collected that scored about a 4 out of 10 on my amusing scale. Yeah, hopefully things pick up this week. St. Patrick's Day is coming up quick so maybe that will turn things around. I think I'm going to go have a bowl of Lucky Charms right now... just to get the positive vibe going. Serious man. I'm the real deal.

BUG'S BACK

Ok, I know you've been waiting with bated breath all week to hear Junebug's responses to your questions of love; so today is your money shot. I would have had them posted yesterday but I ended up getting into it with a bottle of triple distilled Smirnoff vodka, and the Smirnoff won. Boy did it win. Anyway, let's get ready for love.

I scream my head off when I'm having an orgasm. My girlfriend hates it and doesn't want me to do it anymore, but it intensifies my orgasm a lot and I don't want to stop. What about that?

My girlfriend doesn't enjoy "The Shocker." How can I convince her that taking the a-train is fun and enjoyable for all riders?

What do you do if your woman be steppin' out on you?

FIRE

Tonight's post really isn't relevant to anything except I've been watching a lot of these videos lately and thought I'd share, because I'm a goddam swell dude. There's some cool video mixed in with the slide show. Typically what I do - and my suggestion - is to watch this video three or four times then go driving around your neighborhood screaming out the window and punching the roof with both fists while steering with your knees. It feels good and your neighbors will thank you. Maybe not right away but they will when they realize your naked from the waist down. Stay strong.

PS - remember to keep posting your love questions to the Junebug this week.

MORE LOVE ADVICE... JUNEBUG STYLE

The Junebug post from a few weeks ago was mildly successful so we're back baby! The slightly dystonic, middle-aged, born again virgin with a WoW account plays the Mav to your Goose in affairs of the heart. I thought I'd lead in to the question portion of our show with a recent poll done by the highly reputable onepoll.com; which asked women what qualities their perfect man would have. I'll spare you the polling methodology and go right to the results. Here's the perfect man according to women:

- a guy with stubble or some kind of facial hair

- a slightly geeky personality

- has a hairy chest

- someone who reads and who cries at chick flicks

- grey hair, glasses, and is a big fan of a sports team

- "soft and cuddly" versus "toned and muscly"

- someone with flaws over a dude who is "perfect"

Ok all you Lonley Hearts, the time has come pony up to the bar of broken love with your questions, submit them in the comment section, and Junebug will be back later this week with his audio replies. ... Hey, know what? I just realized that Junebug pretty much has every one of those qualities in that list up there. ... Huh... I might have just out-sarcastic-ed myself.

LET'S LIVE TO 100?

Life is pretty awesome. Working, paying bills, dealing with f-holes who get sadistic pleasure out of jerking off your day, the random hemorrhoid... pfft... why wouldn't you want to live as long as possible? That's why I'm featuring an info-graphic tonight on how to live to be 100. Pretty motivating stuff though I question the veracity of some of the "tips" they give. Like eating nuts and flossing. That sounds a little witch-doctor-ey to me. I mean, you just gotta use some common sense too. I guess I'm not too trusting of the medical profession ever since I had that optometrist who made me take my pants off when he was fitting me for eye glasses. Though I have to admit: those bastards fit like a charm.

(Click the image if you want to actually read it)