FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.... remember these?

Heyde Ho chicken fans! So many of you are probably thinking, 'Well, it's about friggin' time. Your last post was a week ago!' Yup. It was. And the reason it was is due to the fact that the internet is becoming like cable tv - a billion channels and nothing on. There hasn't been one gosh golly dang interesting or unique thing on this series of tubes we call the internet all week. It's all been Tiger Woods and a bunch of geeky shit (e.g., iPad shit, why it's o.k. for vegans to eat oysters, etc.). I'm talking total bullshit. And, trust me, I looked. Anyways, a buddy of mine suggested I resurrect the "Beer, Babe, and a Tune" post that I used to do every Friday. All the international recognition and acclaim doesn't mean I'm not still in touch with the people. So here goes.

Chips ahoy boys! This is Charlie Christine. There wasn't much information on her but here's her web page anyway. So if she doesn't care then I guess I don't care. And I really don't. Unless it has to do with her skills as a french maid; I really, really don't give two craps what her favorite flavor of ice cream in high school was.

Tonight I had a few Sam Adams Black Lager's. It's a little bit heavy but had a nice flavor that really goes down good while showering. Just trust me on this. Beer Advocate rates the suds as a B+ ... "very good." Yeah, ok. Very good. I love it when a plan comes together.

The Dropkick Murphys are a Celtic punk/hardcore band from Quincy, Massassachussets. I'm putting their tune up tonight because I felt like hearing some bagpipes again. I'm still in the St. Patrick's day mode I suppose; and bagpipes are my cowbell - more bagpipes bitches!

As usual, I'll go the extra mile for you maniacs and deliver a little bonus pic of tonight's babe. What now wiseguy?

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE

Easter is almost here so I'm celebrating the resurrection of Jesus with a movie preview. But not just any movie. It's a preview for a horror flick called "The Human Centipede," which is about a gnarly doctor who surgically attaches people together in a chain - mouth to anus (or asshole, for those of you non-aristocrats out there). I've been telling people about this movie for a few months but everyone thinks I'm making it up; so here's video proof I haven't gone completely batshit insane. Fingers crossed they're going to release a 3D version.

SMELLS LIKE... FRIGGIN' AWESOME

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Kurt Cobain was a genius. I base this on the fact that he wrote the song "Smells Like Teen Spirit." And his genius isn't because it's a generation-defining song. He's a genius because you can mix that beat and guitar riff with anything and make it sound good. So, today, when I came across another mash-up of the song - this time with Timbaland - I decided to go through my music files just to check on something; and I found that I've become quite the collector of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" covers, mash-ups, and techno infusions. Seventeen different versions to be exact. That's a lot of Teen Spirit. I mean, the last time I had this much teen spirit I ruined a perfectly good pair of underwear and had three days after-school detention. But, hey, that's rock 'n roll.

7 Nation Teen Spirit - White Stripes vs. Nirvana.... so it's gay vs. cool.

Punk cover by Blanks77... kinda ass smokin.

Techno version by Mighty Mike. You heard me.

Another techno joint: Daft Punk vs. Nirvana... I'm up for a rave...

Mash-up with Leona Lewis' "Bleeding Love"... proves my theory.

Mash-up with Rick Ashley. Never gonna... be cooler than this.

Warp Brothers version. The one I listen to when I time travel.

A cover by .... uhh... I have no idea who.

"The Floor Version." .... ookay.

That hack Fatboy Slim takes a shot at it. Dope.

Cover by Flyleaf. Just ok.

The vagina house dub remix. Sooo... Smells Like Vagina?

Wild cherry mash-up. Cool.

More techno but with a Rob Halford flair. Thumbs up.

Cover version by Mig Ayesa. Short and sweet.

Smells like Timbaland!

Type O Negative live cover. This is nuts.

DRUNK HISTORY

Everyone likes history. Everyone likes being shit-assed drunk. So, mix the two together and you've got yourself a really fun learning experience. And because the awesomeness of WTCCTR is so intense that it eminates from my ball pouch, tonight's feature is exactly that - Drunk History! How it works is that some dude gets drunk and his buddies have him explain an historical event while the cameras roll. It's a whole series on YouTube; and they usually get some pretty high-calibur actors to do the dramatizations. For example, in the clip below about Nicola Tesla, Crispin Glover plays Thomas Edison and John C. Reilly is Tesla himself. Marty McFly's dad and Cal Naughton Jr. aren't bad 'get's' for some five minute film featuring a drunk dude. Oh, and trust me... the drunk guy is the main attraction. If you watch it all the way through good old Duncan seems to get more and more inebriated as the clip goes on - and then goes out with an awesome pineapple-flavored bang. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go smoke a spliff and do math. I love you.

WHAT'S UP DOC?

I don't know how many of you out there caught the news, but a tucked-away article on the internets today said that our Federal government passed some kind of health care legislation yesterday. Funny how these thinks kinda sneak up on you. .... Yeah. There seems to be a lot of people yelling and screaming at each other who don't have any idea what they're yelling and screaming about. But you can't blame them. I barely had time to read the ten questions on my census form never mind over two thousand pages of legal-e's explaining health care reform. The most useful thing I've found that even begins to explain where and how much my next prostate exam is going to be is from the New York Times. Click after the picture of the hot nurse to check it out.

How health care reform affects you .

Uhhh... just for the record, I don't think she's a real nurse... but it's fun to pretend sometimes. ... SO, now that the whole health care debate is over and done with; and we're not going to hear another news story or debate about it because the whole issue is pretty much settled - I thought I'd put an exclamation point on the past year's display of legislative efficiency, bipartisanship and mutual respect with a video of a guy getting punched in the face. I think everyone in government should take two of these and call me in the morning. Stay regular.

F*CKED IN THE FANDANGO

Fandango is a web site and iPhone application that lets you order movie tickets from wherever you are and then pick them up at the theater. Ok, great. So about a year ago I order tickets using their service only to find out later that they add on an additional charge of about $1 per ticket. So since that was like having a turd shoved in my face I resolved not to use them again. Fast forward to this week. A weird charge shows up on my credit card for "Reservation Rewards" in the amount of $12.00. I usually don't question these type of service fees because my credit card company bills my card fees under "Credit Rewards" or "Refund Rewards"... stuff like that... so I figured that's what it was. But I thought I'd call just to make sure. After a wicked journey through the phone tree from hell I got Habib; and he and I figured out that it wasn't a charge from them. But, it was a monthly charge coming from somewhere and it's been going on monthly for about a year. (You see where this is going right?) Hmmm... I thought that was odd. The nice Indian gave me the phone number of the company charging me for "Reservation Rewards." I call and, sure enough, it's Fandango. When I used them a year ago they tacked on a $12 monthly fee for ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and kept it going for a year! If I hadn't caught it by chance a few days ago they'd still be billing me for who knows how long. Oh, and they decided to cleverly disguise it as one of my regular credit card fees. ... The moral of the story? DON'T FUCKING USE FUCKING FANDANGO BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING ASSHOLE FUCKING FUCKS WHO WILL RIP YOU OFF ON EACH MOVIE TICKET PURCHASE AND THEN STICK THEIR CROOKED DILDO UP YOUR ASS FOR A YEAR AND SUCK OUT $136 WITHOUT YOU KNOWING IT!!! ... ahem... In conclusion, I'd like to bring a little closure to my relationship with Fandango with a sweet little tune from Lilly Allen. Enjoy. ... Unless you work for Fandango or are affiliated with them in any way, in which case I hope you die by fire. Shalom.

THE DAY OF ST. PATRICK

Dia duit you filthy maniacs. That's traditional Irish speak for "God to you you filthy maniacs." Because that's how we roll here at WTCCTR on this holy holy day honoring good old St. Patrick - who brought Christianity to Ireland and pretty much made beer drinking an international holiday. I mean, the Christianity thing is ok but any dude who gets your boss to give you the day off so you can swill black beers with enough calories to kill an elephant ... now that's a miracle worker. So grab a glass lads and tip your cup to the man of the hour. Meanwhile, I'll round out this holiday with some bagpipes and a hot Irish chick... a little combo I like to call 'pipes and poon'. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stick a shamrock up my nose and slap myself silly with a wet cabbage leaf.