MR BERGIS DOESN'T WANT TO INTEGRATE NASCAR

I don't watch NASCAR.  But I do love prank phone calls... and anytime someone hops on the phone for and starts jerkin' someone's chain - I'm in.  This prank call has been around for years, but's it's still goddam precious.  ... Yeah, that's right... I'm saying it.  It's fantastical too.  And sublime.  I'm just trying to relate to all the NASCAR fans out there... sheesh.

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CASH FOR SPERM

I've been seriously training to become a professional sperm donor since I was 13 years old.  Every day, with the dedication of an Olympic swimmer, I'd go to my room and practice for hours on efficiently delivering mass quantities of sperm to meet the crushing demands of the market.  And now... pfft, get this... I'm not friggin' eligible.  I'm probably the most prolific sperm donor in the Northern hemisphere and I'm being shut out just because I'm too old and short, have bad genetics, not enough education, and have ingested some questionable substances over the years.  Can you believe that?!? What the hell man?!?  Well, I'm going to show them.  I've just turned my finished basement into my very own mastubatorium.  That's right.  I'm starting my own sperm bank!  Take that Quivering Nads Sperm Dispensary!  ... Anyway, if you're interested in trying to earn $30-$50 every time you bust out some knuckle babies, check this out.

Technorati Tags: ass crackers, jerking off, masturbate, masturbation, rush limbaugh, sperm donor

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