SOME HOUSECLEANING BEFORE BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

I'm trying to go green. So, when I was cleaning out my downloads folder and found a few miscellaneous items that didn't get posted for whatever reason, I decided to put them up instead of just tossing them away like some kind of wasteful bastard. No one likes that shit. And I'm going to finish it off with a cover of "Burning Down The House" done by a band called The Used... because it's ball-rattllingly awesome. Stay in school.

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OH MY GOODNESS INDEED.

Great art is often ruined by the words surrounding it. So I'll omit most of my usual engaging and insightful commentary and just let the piece speak for itself.

Technorati Tags: fart, news, health, care, sanford, chicken tits

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NOW *THIS* IS HOW YOU PISS MONEY AWAY

If you followed my rants during the campaign at all, you know I'm a Ron Paul fan; mostly because he's the only guy who made a sliver of fucking sense when he spoke. It's good to see he hasn't changed any since the election because today, on his website, he outlines some of the obscene expenditures our government is currently engaged in:

$660 Million to Gaza

$555 Million to Israel

$310 Million to Egypt

$300 Million to Jordan

$420 Million to Mexico

$889 Million to the UN (for "peacekeeping" missions)

$1 BILLION sent "overseas to address the global financial crisis outside our borders"

$8 BILLION for a "potential pandemic flu"

$108 BILLION to the International Monetary Fund (all $ will be spent overseas)

I know what you're thinking: 'Gee, that's great... but who gives a crap?' Well, first: all this is $ we're just giving away to all these douche bags. Seriously. Can someone f*cking explain to me why we're spending $8 BILLION on the goddam flu?!? Anyone? Bueller? Second: it's all $ we're borrowing from China. This means that China basically owns our country and could make us start speaking their chicken scratch language if they wanted to. And, just for good measure, they could bring our country to it's knees without firing a single shot. One other interesting little tid-bit... if our government didn't piss away our money like they were buying blow jobs - and we didn't have any debt - our income taxes would be 40% LOWER. Interesting huh? If you'd like to let your representatives know how interesting you think all this is I suggest you drop them a line. You can find them here. Ok. Now that that's taken care of, let's all chill out with a righteous babe. Play on Player.

MINOR PROGRAMMING NOTE

Because of the crushing volume of reader mail I receive, people have expressed doubt that I actually go through it all. Ah, but I do. I even follow up on some of the silly shit people throw at me. Tonight is a case in point. A reader wanted to have captions for all the righteous babes I feature in the right margin of the blog. So, ok... starting tonight any of the babes that have their name below their picture will also have a link - if you click their picture - to even more pictures of them. For all you youngsters out there: it's doing magnamous shit like this that gets you the title "swell guy." Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: keely hazell, hot babes, links, swell, dude, magnamous, obama, bush, cheney, iran

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DANCE YOU SILLY BITCH

This video is a million years old and has been all over the Internet, so I'm sure most have you have seen it already. Still, I'm posting it tonight as more of an instructional video to all you single dudes out there... this is how you fill your dance card.

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REZNOR, ARROWS, AND THIGH-HIGHS

I recently watched a Nine Inch Nails concert on tv and forgot how goddam awesome they are. I mean, Reznor really is a freaking genius. So I'm posting one of their videos tonight to remind everyone. This song in particular - "Hurt" - makes me want to chew tinfoil and shoot bottle rockets out of my ass. Not really sure why but it seems appropriate in this case. Oh, and just for good measure, I'm throwing in a video of a shitty William Tell impression; and a nice young woman who was apparently getting dressed for work when she got interrupted for photos. Stay sucka free.

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THIS IS THE GREATIST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I don't know what else to say about this. It really is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Well, there was that time my buddy Dave dropped acid and thought he was Jesus Christ. That was pretty great too but he didn't fart at all... so it automatically gets bumped to #2. This video is now officially #1. My favorite "moment" occurs at about 1m50s. Play on Player.

Uhhh... encore anyone?

Technorati Tags: farting in public, the pooter, gasser, fart, shit, trouser trout

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