REZNOR, ARROWS, AND THIGH-HIGHS

I recently watched a Nine Inch Nails concert on tv and forgot how goddam awesome they are. I mean, Reznor really is a freaking genius. So I'm posting one of their videos tonight to remind everyone. This song in particular - "Hurt" - makes me want to chew tinfoil and shoot bottle rockets out of my ass. Not really sure why but it seems appropriate in this case. Oh, and just for good measure, I'm throwing in a video of a shitty William Tell impression; and a nice young woman who was apparently getting dressed for work when she got interrupted for photos. Stay sucka free.

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BERT AND ERNIE YO.

I haven't watched Sesame Street in a few years.  Well, a few months at least... Well... yesterday.  I watched it yesterday ok?  Cripes.  I don't see what the big deal is.  What other program can you watch that's sponsored by the letter J?!?  That's some nifty shit I tell ya.  That being said, I don't ever remember seeing this little clip of Bert and Ernie, but I always suspected these two were pimps when the cameras cut off.  Stay jeezy Bitches.

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THE OCULAR PENETRATION ACT OF 2007.

I'm coming out of hiding to raise awareness for an issue which is sure to become worse in this tough economy.  It's something I've tried to turn a blind eye to (no pun intended) but when I walk out my door and see retirees and indigents being victimized, I gotta speak out.  So watch this short video of the proposed legislation aimed at stopping this brewing epidemic.  Then call your Congressman.  Get involved.  Stop ocular penetration goddammit.  Stay strong.

 

Technorati Tags: ocular penetration, skull fuck, babe, beer, tune, bailout, gm, stimulus, obama, crabcake fistula

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OH THE HORROR.

There's a scene in the movie Apocalypse Now where Marlon Brando's character, on his death bed, reflects back on all the atrocities he's seen in Viet Nam; and whispers "Oh the horror.  The horror..."  I now know what he meant.  Stay strong... and leotard free. 

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Uhh... hi.  I've been temporarily thawed from my cryostasis that is the Northeastern winter to bring you BB&T.  It's been awhile.  Strap on... or in... you know what I mean.

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The babe tonight is Jamie Eason.  She's the recommendation of a friend who says I need more blondes on this site.  So here she is. Jamie is from Houston, Texas and is a fitness model and ex-dancer.  Plus, she works out like a motherf*cker.  I haven't seen an arm like that since my first match at the Arm Wrasslin' and Watermelon Seed Spittin' contest at Billy Bob's House of Your Mother. Her vagina must feel like a bear trap.  But I'm a courageous man of principal; and I'll test the waters if I need to.  I know.  I know... you're welcome.  More pics of her here.

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The beer tonight isn't a beer at all, but hot mulled cider with cinnamon and spiced rum.  It's currently -9 degrees here in New York so I'm skipping the beer tonight and going with something warm.  I love beer like Whitney Houston loved Bobby Brown's crazy cracked-out ass but I can't do it tonight.  I've been making this for about Apthe last ten winters and it's goddam delicious, so deal with it.  Besides, if it hit's -10 degrees I'm planning to actually set myself on fire.  Beer takes a back seat when self-immolation is involved.

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The band tonight is Ra - and they fucking rock.  They're from Connecticut and haven't put out a bad song ever.  They have a catalogue of about 50 songs and every single one of them is good.  They could write a song about strap-ons and dead kittens and it would still be good.  I'm telling you.  They're better than a George Foreman Grill.  The song I'm featuring is "Only."  Plus, it's live.  What does that mean for you, the WTCCTR consumer?  More tasty tunage for to suck on.  You're right, I am pretty cool.  Stay strong.

"Only"

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PRANK CALLERS ARE AWESOME.

We've all seen and/or heard those prank phone calls on talk shows.  They usually get hung up on pretty quickly.  Wouldn't it be funny if they couldn't hang up on them?  Ummm... yeah, it would.  I have proof.

Religious TV Host Badly Pranked - Watch more Free Videos

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2009 - HARDER BETTER FASTER STRONGER

Well, here at WTCCTR 2008 was ushered out with a nifty little musical interlude so I thought we'd welcome 2009 in that same manner.  All this interest in music probably has something to do with the 47 ecstasy tablets I took on or around December 30th... I'm not sure of the exact date.   Anyway, here's a ball pumping tune by Daft Punk.  I suggest you watch it in HD (a new option with some YouTube videos).  May your new year be harder, better, faster, and stronger than the last.  Oh, and my New Year's Resolution?  Stop storing my ecstasy in the ibuprofen bottle.  Stay strong.

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PHILIPPINES, HERE I COME

I love America but American tv sucks my ass.  Two And A Half Men, Reba, Smallville, The Office... they all smoke my wonky trouser sausage.  I haven't watched a fictional tv show from start to finish since goddam Barnaby Jones, starring goddam Buddy Ebsen.  But it seems that tv producers in the Philippines have their shit together.  Weng Weng is a Filipino actor who did movies and tv in the 70's, 80's, and 90's.  After you watch this video tribute to him you'll have to redefine your definition of entertainment.  And Charlie Sheen and Reba MacIntyre will look like the talentless hacks they really are.

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FRIDAY'S ... uh... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

I was watching the movie "Old School" tonight and it got me kicking down memory lane to my college days.  So tonight's theme for babe, beer, and a tune is college - and all the joy of years of sustained disillusionment that followed.

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Elisha Cuthbert is our babe this week.  She starred in "Old School" and resembles absolutely not one girl I ever saw in college.  Granted, I went to a small technical college where the majority of students were Iranian or Saudi Arabian before it was cool to be Iranian or Saudi; but, shit-sodas, you'd think there'd be at least one hot chick in the school... you'd think that but you'd be wrong.  Anyway, more pictures of her white little ass here.

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Unlike Ms. Cuthbert, this is one little beauty I had a lot of run-ins with at school.  I remember buying a sixer of Piels once where all the label ink was smeared so you couldn't even read the name.  I couldn't help but think that this was some quality-assed shit I was drinking.  Bottom line: Piels isn't a good beer.  But it's cheap.  And if you can choke down the first three then the rest aren't that bad.  It's not glamorous but it gets you where you need to go.  Kind of like the bus.  Beer Advocate rates Piels a C- ... "not worthy."  In Piels defense, if BA had a ranking for "foul odor" Piels would've rated a lot higher.

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You know how they torture prisoners by blasting music they hate at them 24 hours a day?  Well, that's the origin of tonight's tune: "American Pie" by Don McLean.  The mother-f*cker across the hall from me in the dorms played this goddam song 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for my entire freshman year.  Over and over and over.  He never ever got sick of it.  In the meantime, I'm sitting about 5 feet away (in the room directly across the hall) trying to get through the worst year of my life - and having to endure this song, which I hated even before all this.  So, in keeping with tonight's college theme, here it is.  Yup.  American Pie.  By Don McLean.  I've found that it's extra enjoyable if you run a hot bath, slit the old wrists, and bleed out as this sublime melody ushers in the sweet sting of death.  Stay strong.

Discover Don McLean!

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LETS GET RELIGILUOUS

This time of year people get all crazy about God and virgins and babies and mangers and stuff like that.  But, the truth is, people do a lot of crazy awful crap in the name of religion.  I've adopted the Festivus tradition, which makes about as much sense as worshipping other things.  Plus, it's a lot easier to maintain than a pine tree or menorah.  And when the holidays are over you can put the pole back on your front lawn and fly a flag from it.  I usually throw up a pirate flag... just to keep my neighbors on their toes.

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The video tonight is the closing monologue from Bill Mahr's movie "Religious."  It's pretty interesting.  But if you see an ocean start to boil and hear harps - never mind about any of this.  Stay strong.

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9

Sorry about the lost few days my little Christmas whores.  I'll spare you the explanation but let me just offer a piece of advice.  If you're staying near a horse farm don't take ecstasy.  Trust me.

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So what do you get when you mix Tim Burton, the director of "Wanted", cool futuristic animation, and a bunch of celebrity voices?  You get the movie "9"  It looks pretty gritty and bad-assed, like my stool.  Anyway, check it out...

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POPPING AND LOCKING FOR JESUS

It's convert to Christianity week here at WTCCTR.  Last night I found the pastor for my Church of The Virgin of the Immaculate Chicken Crossing The Road and the Four Horsemen of the Divine Jesus-A-GoGo in Pastor X.  Tonight I found the talent for the musical interlude portion of our mass.  I'm not sure of their name but they're spiffy as fuck and have a very Jesus-ey message: a renewed mind is the key to the power that we need.  And here I was looking for my renewed mind in cocaine and $2 whores... who knew?  I'll tell you who - Jesus.  So, without further ado, here's.... uh... Johnny Combover and the Virgin Mary's... or somethinglikethat.  Stay strong.

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I COME IN THE NAME OF JESUS MOTHER F*CKER!

Since I seem to be getting pulled into Christianity through their rock bands, I thought I'd stop fighting it and start looking for a pastor I can start to follow.  It took some searching but I think I've found the guy.  He's called Pastor X.  He's kind of like Malcom X but without the pesky education and introspection.  I was feeling kind of ambivalent about the guy until around the 2:25 mark of this video, when he breaks out the best insult I've heard ever in the history of my life.  Stay strong... and Jesus-ey.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, christian, rock, pastor, pastor x, jesus, huggy bear, nin-com-fucking-poop

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TORTURE: THE SOUNDTRACK

I'm not a big fan of torture.  I once had a wicked hang nail that had me confessing shit to my cat that I didn't even do.  But you can only go down the Epsom salt path so many times without relief before you start resorting to "alternative" methods.  Anyway, here are the 9 songs that are blasted on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan, and in Iraq (in no particular order) to torture their sandy brown asses'.  There's one thing I don't like about this list: only 9 songs.  It's like having 19 hijackers - you know there's one more.  Terrorists and torturers like even numbers.  So what's the 10th song?!?!   I bet it's some form of Christian rock.  Whatever that last song is, torture rocks.  Stay strong.

Metallica- Enter Sandman.mp3

Drowning Pool - Bodies (Let The Bodies Hit The Floor).mp3




AC/DC - Shoot to Thrill (Live At Donnington) High Quality!!!.mp3




hells bells.mp3




Barney - I Love You.mp3




Born In The U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen.mp3




David Gray - Babylon.mp3

Eminem - White America.mp3




Sesame Street - 1970's opening (show 2178).mp3



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FRIDAY'S... er... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok crap stains.  We're back at it.  Let's get those boob juices flowing.

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Say hello to my lil' friend: Jessica Burciaga.  Jessica seems like my kind of fun loving gal.  She's worked at Hooters, is currently a spokes model for Hot Import Nights (whatever the hell that is), and is Playboy's February 2009 Playmate.  Renaissance woman?  No, but damn close.  And if she'd just move that left hand I'd admit to anything.  More pics of her here.

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In my quest to review the entire Sam Adams collection I'm hitting on Cherry Wheat this week.  I think I'd consider this a "girly" beer but cherry Coke, cherry pie, cherry slots... I love 'em all.  So I went into Cherry Wheat with a strong partiality to the flavor.  I'm going with a big thumbs up on this one.  But it's like a Honda - loved it but don't let any of your friends see you enjoying it.  Beer Advocate rates it a B- ... "worthy."  They probably liked it a lot more than that but had to rate it lower to seem cool.  

Ugh.  More Christian rock bands.  This week it's Manic Drive.  They're out of Toronto, Canada.  They have some pretty decent awards under their belts but, Jiminy Christmas - does every friggin' band I like have to be into God?!?  What ever happened to Satan?  I thought he was a big inspiration to rock and roll.  I guess Jesus is the new Satan.  I don't know.  Here's their tune "Luckiest."  Rock on Jesus!

Manic Drive - Luckiest.mp3


Free Search Mp3 Code at www.codelagu.com

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OWNED!

As a righteous motherf*cker, international man of mystery, and occasional guest air-bassist for the band Manny and the Piss Slits; I've never experienced the raw, bare-assed awfulness of getting owned.  I actually think I have a rare genetic make-up that prevents it from occurring to me.  Kind of like trying to put the north poles on two different magnets together.  It just doesn't work.  So when I see videos like the one below I wonder how these poor sonsabitches have even a shred of dignity left.  Seriously.  They must have some kind of life coach or prescription medications that makes the rest of their days ok or something.  I can't figure it out.  

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FIVE RANDOM PHOTOS THAT ROCK BALLS

In my daily musings and general haberdashery from the past week I ran across the usual insane internet photos.  A few were stand-outs, and really sparked a fire in my loins... er... well... you know what I mean.  Here they are...

I really don't know what this chick has going on but I want 'in.'

Yeah, so this is the most awesome thing I've ever seen in my life.

Coloring is a nifty little endeavour.

The lady will have the Ike Turner and I'll just take a kick in the nuts.

A few dozen of these guys armed with the chainsaw gun and... BA-DOW! ... no more calls from your ex-wife about late child support payments... ever.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, musing, habdashery, coloring, tits, chainsaw gun, lumberjack commandos, axe, chick, ike turner, slap in the face, domestic abuse, scorching gonads

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING YOU PAGANS

Ever get the feeling that Thanksgiving is a pagan holiday?  Isn't everyone gathering around a big bronzed fowl for an entire day similar to worshipping a golden calf or making a sacrifice to the Sun God Ra?  I think it is and all I'm saying is... sign me up.  Those pagans seemed to have life by the cajones: gluttony, deflowering virgins, smiting goody-two-shoes-es, drinking fomented urines... ah... Thanksgiving at my mother's house.  Good times.

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FRIDAY'S ... uh... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Another lost Friday Bitches.  Yup.  Mix together a few vodka martinis, some lusty Asian secret agents, and a little international intrigue ... and I miss a blog post.  Plus, somewhere in the course of the evening, I think nicked a testicle.  Yet I push forward to bring you the finest in tits and tunes.  Goddam, would someone please give me a round of applause.

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Denise Milani is a natural 32DDD from the Czech Republic.  She is now, however, "the new queen of eroticism" - whatever the christ that means - and living in California.  She kind of reminds me of another crazy endowed chick from the Czech Republic, Veronica Zemkova.  I don't know what it is about Czeckolslovakia that gives it's women monster racks but someone should do some kind of scientific study to try and find the secret recipe.  Anyway, more pics of Denise here.

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Brew tonight is Anchor Steam.  It's a solid beer with a nice set of nuts on it.  It would be my first choice but it wouldn't be my last either.  I'm going with a 'thumbs up' on Anchor Steam.  Beer Advocate rates it a B+ ... "very good."  So, I guess what I'm saying is  'anchors' away Bitches!'

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Lo-Pro is a pretty bad assed band signed by the lead singer of Staind.  Their genre is something called "nu metal" but I like to call it "kicking your ass."  And the lead singer is bald, which is always a good sign that the band means fucking business.  Here's their tune, "Fake."  I'll smell your dead asses later.  Gotta hit the hay.  Church tomorrow.

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