SHIT MY DAD SAYS

Whoa. It's been awhile. Sorry about that. I think I got some bad moonshine because the last thing I remember is visiting my buddy Larry at his cabin in the woods and helping him with his still. I came to yesterday afternoon half lying in a stream, naked from the waist down, and missing a pinky toe. Needless to say, trying to get a ride back home was a nightmare. But I'm back baby! So, tonight's post has to do with Twitter. I'm just old enough to have that 'get off my lawn!' feeling about Twitter - it seems like a snotty young kid who doesn't make any goddam sense. But I ran across this guy's twitter page where he just writes down awesome shit his 73 year-old father says. I've read them all and -yes - they are awesome. My favorite so far?

Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices. Jesus

Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs.

Dash isn't even real dammit!

Check out "shit my dad says" here. And if any of you run across a really f*cking handsome pinky toe, please contact me immediately. Stay spicy!

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THIS IS THE GREATIST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I don't know what else to say about this. It really is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Well, there was that time my buddy Dave dropped acid and thought he was Jesus Christ. That was pretty great too but he didn't fart at all... so it automatically gets bumped to #2. This video is now officially #1. My favorite "moment" occurs at about 1m50s. Play on Player.

Uhhh... encore anyone?

Technorati Tags: farting in public, the pooter, gasser, fart, shit, trouser trout

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SUNDAY POO

Ok, so I've been accused of having some kind of a fascination with poo.  I think it's time I set the record straight.  I really don't like crap, shit, or any other kind of stuff exiting the anal region.  Do not want.  Ok.  Now that  we're clear on that I'll contradict myself and say that I think the whole "bathroom humor" thing is hilarious.  If someone shits their pants in front of me well, that's my entertainment for the week.  So when I ran across tonight's featured site it was like the clouds parted and a little poop-Jesus said, Bring forth the feces my Son.  Sprinkle brigade is a group of guys with a lot of free time on their hands trekking around town, decorating dog shit, and taking pictures of it.  There.  Hours of entertainment on a Sunday night.  You're welcome.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: humor, beer, babe, tune, tits, finance, money, cash, sunday, feces, anus, crap, shit, turd blossom, sprinkle brigade, dog shit, poop jesus

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GEORGE BRETT SHIT HIS PANTS.

All this week I'm focusing on strategies to help us deal with the cratering economic disaster.  Monday was cleavage.  Yesterday was tips on how to stay calm.  Tonight's strategy is this: count your blessings.  Instead of thinking about how you'll now have to work until age 78 before you can retire, try and concentrate on the things you're blessed with.  Take, for example... oh... I don't know... um... well, like not having a huge "double tapered" shit nesting in your grape smuggler (ie., underwear), like George Brett.  Honestly, I don't even know what the hell a "double tapered shit" is but it sounds like good old George has some major league fecal issues on his hands - literally.  Stay strong... and continent.

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