OUT OF THE DARKNESS, INCH BY INCH

I watch the news every day and it's nothing but bad news.  It seems we're headed for a depression economically.  Every day thousands of people are losing their jobs and houses.  The country is drowning in debt.  Crazed chimpanzees are tearing the fucking hands off people.  And I think I'm sportin' a fresh hemorrhoid.  It's times like these I need to be inspired.  I've posted this video before but it's the best, most fucking motivating goddam thing I've ever seen in the history of my sorry, pig-shitted life.  It's so motherfucking inspiring it makes me have to swear like some kind of half-cocked trucker with a bad case of the jimmy-legs.  Anyone who watches this and doesn't immediately go out and start doing shit to get this economy going let me know - I'll come over and do my Chris Brown impression on your ass.  

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F*CKING AWESOME MOVIE TRAILER.

A few years ago Drew Barrymore got off the cocaine and decided she wanted to do a remake of Charlie's Angels.  Great.  It's was your typical bullshit, talentless movie.  And the guy responsible for the whole vag-tastic mess - the director - was a guy who goes by the dumbass moniker of McG.  The fucking guy should wear a monocle with a stupid name like that.  Anyway, when I heard he was directing the new Terminator movie it felt like having my ball sack dipped in candle wax.  For those of you playing along at home that means my balls covered in wax is equivalent to the terminator franchise being pansified and otherwise ruined beyond all recognition.  Then, today, I saw the new trailer for Terminator:Salvation and was fairly fucking blown away.  I mean, I didn't see any scenes with Cameron Diaz doing some bullshit karate in a bikini or Lucy Liu making a bomb out of a bra and mascara; so my heart has been allowed to hope a little.  Please don't terminate my heart McG.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: terminator salvation, salvation, terminator, mcg, director, cocaine, cameron diaz, lucy liu, drew barrymore, drugs, balls, candle wax, bikini wax maniac

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WE ARE SO F*CKED

A few days ago I posted a video explaining the credit crisis that's currently ass raping us as a country.  Today I'm doing a follow-up on that post with a 30 minute clip from a movie called I.O.U.S.A.  I know: thirty minutes is a long time to watch a video on your computer that doesn't involve cunnilingus or someone accidentally getting bonked in the nuts.  But, even if you don't like economic issues, you should check this out.  I mean, it really took a nice Saturday and turned it into a study in helplessness and despair; leaving me huddled in a corner in the fetal position quivering in a puddle of my own piss while clutching $43 like it was the only thing standing between me and life in a Turkish prison.  Who would say 'no' to that?  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: i.o.u.s.a., debt, deficit, economic stimulus, broke, bankruptcy, obama, bush, iraq, nibble tips

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LOCK AND LOAD BABY.

Howdy ho bitches.  Now, I'm not a big gun fan.  Actually, I love guns; but I wouldn't know how to work one if it came with training wheels.  Not to mention that I'm a f*cking terrible shot.  I went to a shooting range once with my girlfriend and I almost killed the shooting range operator... who was behind me... in a booth.  Meanwhile, my girlfriend is like dead eye dick (no pun intended).  Yup.  All kill zone baby.  Anyway, I found this video of what the 2nd amendment is really about.  It was so goddam riveting that I did a shot in celebration.  I'm always bulls eye with that shit.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: second amendment, 2nd amendment, humor, schumer, guns, gun rights, grassy snatch

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BAILOUTS AND BOOBAGES

Salutations to my fellow chimpanzee lovers out there.  Of course we're all aware by now that the country is going to hell in a hand basket... tied to an anvil... that's welded to a pot bellied stove.  And, I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly sure what the christ is going on.  I don't understand what caused the housing market to "collapse."  Nor do I get how a trillion dollar bailout is going to make everything better.  So tonight I'm posting this informative joint about how this whole douchebag of a financial crisis got started.  It's a little long - 10 minutes - but does a great job of explaining how the ass raping that is our current economic situation got started.

And now I'm going to post a fresh pic of some righteous boobs... just to mellow shit out a little.  You know... kind of like having a beer after doing a line of coke... or something like that.  Stay liquid you maniacs.

Technorati Tags: bailout, financial crisis, angela, sommers, boobages, bank failures, aig, economic, crisis, obama, hannity, octomom, retail rectums

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BERT AND ERNIE YO.

I haven't watched Sesame Street in a few years.  Well, a few months at least... Well... yesterday.  I watched it yesterday ok?  Cripes.  I don't see what the big deal is.  What other program can you watch that's sponsored by the letter J?!?  That's some nifty shit I tell ya.  That being said, I don't ever remember seeing this little clip of Bert and Ernie, but I always suspected these two were pimps when the cameras cut off.  Stay jeezy Bitches.

Technorati Tags: sesame street, humor, babe, beer, tune, bert, ernie, rap, gangsta, m.o.p., ante up, obama, congress, speech, miracle on the hudson, economy, dow, breast jelly

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THE OCULAR PENETRATION ACT OF 2007.

I'm coming out of hiding to raise awareness for an issue which is sure to become worse in this tough economy.  It's something I've tried to turn a blind eye to (no pun intended) but when I walk out my door and see retirees and indigents being victimized, I gotta speak out.  So watch this short video of the proposed legislation aimed at stopping this brewing epidemic.  Then call your Congressman.  Get involved.  Stop ocular penetration goddammit.  Stay strong.

 

Technorati Tags: ocular penetration, skull fuck, babe, beer, tune, bailout, gm, stimulus, obama, crabcake fistula

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