Billy Mays Hayes sells this knife sharpener called the Samurai Shark. It takes dull shit and makes it fucking sharp as hell. It's so fucking sharp it can cut through a Sham-Wow like a bitch. Don't believe me? Check this shit out motherf*cker. Stay strong... and sharp as fuck.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
WEEKEND'S HERE BITCHES.....WHOOOOOOHEEEAAARRRGGGHHH.
Whew. Made it through another one. And weekends mean free time to rest, regroup, catch up on odds and ends, spend time with family... oh, and party like the sadistic warden in charge of the naughty nymphomaniac Miss Hawaiian Tropic bikini prison. So today I thought I'd give everyone a special treat; and pull back the curtain on my highly classified preparatory routine that makes me an international assassin of love. Stay strong.
Technorati Tags: smoking, tits, weekend, smoke, shower, incontinence, flatulance, swine flu, hawaiian tropic, money
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Wednesday, May 6, 2009
YOU HAD ME AT 'CAPTAIN'S LOG'
Ok, so I stumbled across this video of a guy talking about some personal issues. It's about six minutes long. Now, I know some of you won't hang around for the full time but let me say this: if you can hang in there until the 1 minute 15 second mark you'll be hooked for the entire video. For the first minute I was like blah, blah, blah, blah. Then, around 1m 15s the bomb dropped and, like any terrorist worth his turban, his secondary explosion hits at 4m 10s. Oh, and you know the best part about this video? ... Hmmm? ... Give up? ... It's all the severed human heads sitting on the mantle behind the camera; and the off-camera decayed corpse of his mother dressed in Victoria's Secret and splayed out across his bed. All I can say is, You had me at 'Captain's Log,' you Scamp! Stay strong ... and sucka free.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE... BACK! ... AND WETTER THAN EVER.
Yo WTCCTR maniacs. I haven't dipped my toe into the "Babe, Beer, and a Tune" post lately - and I've been feeling squarely as a fuck all day - so I figured, 'Why not?'
This is Elaine Alden. Now, despite having the name "Elaine," she's pretty flawless. She's 22 years old and from Florida. In her bio Elaine says she's "constantly growing and learning." That's funny because I'm constantly growing and learning. So there's one point of commonality right here. Hmmm... will a torrid love connection between the innocent Elaine and the suave and sultry WTCCTR writer be next? There will be if my wang has anything to say about it. More pics of her here.
I had an oil can of Fosters tonight for the first time in awhile. Let me start the review by saying that beer in the summer-time is almost 100% impossible to mess up. I've even had beers that were hot from being stuffed in a trunk for two months; and were still good just because it was summer. That being said, I wasn't really impressed with Fosters. I mean, it was ok. If Fosters is "Australian for beer" then what's Australian for "taste?" Anyone? Bueller? Anyway, Beer Advocate gives Fosters a C- ... "not worthy." A'int that a kick in the diga-rooney?
Pacifier is a New Zeland band who just cranks out outstanding tunes. Oh, AND they're not a Christian rock band. The lead singer seems to dress a little fruity though. I haven't seen those Shazam lightning bolts being worn by someone since I ate half a bag of magic mushrooms and broke into the local electric company. The FBI has zero understanding when you do something like that... just so you know. Anyway, the tune is "Semi-Normal." Stay sucka free.
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Wednesday, April 29, 2009
BEST PROTEST SIGN EVER
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
TAKE THAT HIPPIES
I'm not a big fan of hippies. And I'm especially not a big fan of those hippies who give out the free hugs. Self-righteous bastards. I mean, if I wanted dirty, matted dreadlocks pressed into my face; or feel like patchouli was being rammed up my nasal cavity - I'd stage dive at a Grateful Dead concert. So, when I saw this video of a guy standing next to a "free hugs" hippy charging $2 for "deluxe hugs" I felt vindicated. Someone was finally standing up to a goddam hippy. I don't know what was better: the $2 guy pissing off the hippy, or what he had written on his t-shirt. It's your call. Stay sucker free.
Technorati Tags: free hugs, hippies, hippy, grateful dead, jerry garcia, humor, cash, payola, money, hemoroid mania, turbo penis pumps
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Sunday, April 26, 2009
THE BEST PRANK PHONE CALL EVER.
Tom Mabe is the guy who does these prank calls on unsuspecting telemarketers. Yes.
Technorati Tags: tom mabe, prank call, telemarketers, nerdy, pistol pete, torture, bung madness
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