EVERYONE STAY CALM!

In light of the impending economic doom I'm using this week's posts to calm the rising tensions and remind people of what's really important.  Yesterday was cleavage.  Today it's tips on how to stay calm.  Serenity now you Bitches!  The end is extremely fucking nigh!  Uh... er... I mean, everything is going to be just fine.  For fuck's sake.  

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, economy, doom, panic, ass sausage

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CLEAVAGE IS OUR FRIEND.

I'm tired of watching my retirement account piss it's way to zero and hear politicians blast each other about how ass-tastic the other guy is.  So tonight I'm going back to basics, and one of those basics is cleavage.  Yup.  Cleavage proves God loves us and wants us to be happy.  So here are five pretty nifty cleavages-es (I'm not sure what the plural of cleavage is so blow me).

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Taken on a trip to Wildwood, NJ.  In this photo she's asking me for the sand shovel and a cigarette.  What a scamp!

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This was the woman who sold me my spoon warmers.  I still don't know what the Christ I'm supposed to do with them but I have masturbated in front of them a few times.

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Another one of my old girlfriends.  Megan started to get a little clingy so I had to give her the It's-not-me-it's-you speech.  She was pretty upset.  Poor kid.

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Taken just before she and I met "the family."  Let me just say I was caught a little off guard by the insanity.

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I'm not 100% sure who this woman was but I bought her a new car.

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That's all for now you nut jobs.  May the rest of your week be filled with tits and fortune!

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, cleavage, tits, janet jackson, megan fox, penis fever

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ECONOMIC PROBLEMS SOLVED.

The economy is rapidly heading down the shitter.  One reason is that other countries no longer need to use US dollars to buy oil (up until 2000 countries needed our money to buy oil, but that's changing).  The other is that letting the market (i.e., Wall Street) regulate itself without any oversight whatsoever is like telling a fat kid to watch your box of fudge sickles until you get back.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.  So, this Friday, I'm air-dropping my man Bob here into the Presidential debates.  The Democrats, Republicans, and prick-ey Wall Street CEO's are on notice: Bob is up your ass now Bitches.

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Technorati Tags: humor, finance, bail out, wall street, drinking with bob, democrats, republicans, up your ass

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FRIDAY'S ... uh... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ahoy there Bitches!  Heh... sorry about missing the post yesterday.  My CIA informant contacted me about a mission to the embassy in Green Island... and... well... uh... let's just say it was called "Operation Dildo."  Enough said on that.  But a babe, beer, and tune one day late is better than no babe, beer, or tune at all.  So let's get on with it.

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Katia Corriveau.  She's an ex-playmate who is originally from Canada, which means she probably has a sexy accent... and better health care than you.  She likes middle aged guys with hair growing out of their ears who have mediocre senses of humor... well, maybe not.  But why do we have to ruin the fantasy?  Oh, and she's all natural.  No silicone or botox for this kanook.  If you don't believe me, take a closer look here.

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In keeping with the Canadian theme, tonight's beer is Labatt Blue.  I didn't really go looking for this malty wench but she kind of forced herself on me.  After extensive sampling I feel confident I have an accurate review: mediocre.  It tastes like a plain old beer.  No great surprises but no great disappointments either.  It's a fucking beer.  Beer Advocate rates it a C- ... "not worthy."  Yeah, not when there are a million other homeless beers who just want someone to take them home and love them.

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DoubleDrive is a band from Atlanta.  They won some dumb local awards and went on to play with some nifty bigger bands like Queensryche and Sevendust.  As you can see from the picture they have their disaffected rock look down pat.  Too bad they've already broken up.  Their song, "Imprint", didn't really blow my nads completely back.  But it's catchy.  And I like catchy shit so...

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Ok you silly fucks... time for bed.  I know you'll be up early for mass tomorrow.  Remember, you can go up for seconds in the wine line.  Trust me.  It's a proven theory. 

Technorati Tags: katia corriveau, labatt blue, doubledrive, imprint, humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, tits, canada, craptious enigma

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JIMI HENDRIX IS DEAD.

Kind of a sad day today.  September 18th, 1970 is the day Jimi Hendrix died.  He was found dead in a London flat after having taken a bunch of sleeping pills with red wine; and proceeded to choke on his own vomit.  I guess the moral of the story is that sleeping on your side might be a good idea. I mean - Criminey!  Look at me!  I'm a world-class kazoo-ist but I can handle my high... except for that time I woke up on a strange house boat missing one sock, bacon grease slathered all over my nipples, and a bunch of confetti jammed between my ass cheeks.  But that was just one time.  And no more mixing Robitussin and Jim Beam for me.  No sir.  Lesson learned.

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Anyway, here's probably the best Jimi tune in the whole wide wide world of sports.  Stay strong.

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UHHH... GUESS WHAT?

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, crazy, friends, martha stewart

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GREEN OIL VS. BLACK OIL

Happy Tuesday to everyone out there in the WTCCTR universe!  I hope everyone is enjoying watching our financial institutions collapse around us.  I mean, there's nothing quite like seeing your retirement account steadily decline like it was your gas gauge.  And speaking of fuel, I've been hearing a lot from both candidates lately about drilling.  We gotta tap into that domestic oil supply to reduce our dependency on foreign oil!  Yup... that's what we should be doing.  Drill, drill, drill.  Then I ran across this nifty little graphic:

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(click image for larger version)

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Yeah.  Crap.  So what's the answer?  Well, T. Boon Pickens wants us to use natural gas to power our cars as an intermediate solution that would drastically cut our consumption while we look at alternative fuels.  Great!  I'm in T. Boon. ... Just show me where to buy a fucking car that runs on natural gas and I'll buy it... you dope.  Detroit isn't going to pump hundreds of millions of dollars into retooling car factories to make natural gas cars when the technology is going to obsolete within 10-20 years.  Lucky for you crazy sonsabitches I have the answer - pond scum.  Yup.  That shit will work in our existing cars and it's carbon neutral .  All we have to do is make it.  Oh, yeah, we're able to do that right now... as we speak.  If either of these candidates knew shit from shinola they would propose taxing the oil companies RECORD profits for just one year** and give it to the guy in this video:

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There.  Problem solved.  You're welcome.  Stay strong.

** IF the Federal Government had taxed the "big 5" U.S. oil companies in 2008 they would have collected $54.25 BILLION (corporate income tax rate of 35% x 2008 industry profits of $155 billion).

Technorati Tags: oil, financial collapse, algae, green, black, crude, bio fuel, oil company profits, nipple hatred

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