AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.

I got caught up in a wicked-assed chuckle fit today so bad that I poofed out a fart right in the middle of a service call with Habib the Magic Carpet Man regarding my DVD player.  I was watching the stock market plow into the ground like a B- 52 Bomber with it's wings cut off while the news was reporting how AIG Executives will be taking A SECOND luxury getaway (the first one a few weeks ago cost $400,000) with their new bailout cash.  The total retardedness of the whole thing tickled the masochistic tip of my funny bone, and I  tee-hee'd it for a solid ten minutes.  Meanwhile, I can't swing a dead cat without hearing a fucking Sarah Palin story; I'm getting junk mail/catalogues by the truckload begging me to buy cheap plastic kitchen gadgets or clothes made in Indonesia with my devalued dollar; home values are plunging around me so that I can't move; gas prices are heading back up; the guy next door chants "drill, baby, drill" each time there's a debate; and my cat is losing his sphincter tone.  Ahhh... America.  Fuck yeah.

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Technorati Tags: humor, finance, america, fuck yeah, team america, drill baby drill, gas prices, your mother's poon

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THREE MOTORCYCLES THAT WILL MAKE YOU SHIT BRICKS.

Confederate Motor Cycle is a small, independent motorcycle manufacturer located in Baton Rouge, LA.  And they build some of the most mind boggling motorcycles in the history of your mother.  I'd cut off one of my gonads and flick it in your eye if someone would give me one of these bikes.  Yeah, that's right... I'm saying it.  Check this shit out.

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THE FIGHTER (limited edition)

The company is only making 45 of these beauties at a cost of $110000.oo a piece.  So empty those change jars.

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B120 WRAITH

Yeah, this bike would be excellent for crime fighting and banging bitches.

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F131 HELLCAT COMBAT

The most sublime example of quality design your sorry ass is ever going to see.

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RENOVATIO PROJECT

Confederate's latest concept.  But I can see these maniacs putting something like this together.

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None of these little beauties go for anything lower than $75000.oo.  But if the little baby Jesus were to come back to Earth, he'd be riding on a Confederate bike.  Hmmm... I wonder if I can get my hands on some of that righteous bailout cash... ?

Technorati Tags: humor, cash, finanace, daily, confederate motorcycle, fighter, wraith, hellcat combat, renovatio, baby, jesus, ass pipe

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THE DARK KNIGHT & OTHER FREE PREMIUM MOVIES ON LINE.

Howdy ho bitches.  If you're into seeing premium movies - movies that are currently in the theaters - online... then I have the site for you.  Iron Man, Eagle Eye, The Hulk, The Dark Knight.  They're all there.    Now if I can only figure out a way to stretch my computer screen to 50" I'll be a happy litter fucker.  The only one catch is that sometimes the quality isn't the best.  But sometimes it is.  Oh, and popcorn butter on the keys.  That sucks too.  Check out the site here.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, movies, free, premium, the dark knight, eagle eye, iron man, the hulk, online, pistol packing

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WALL STREET'S GREED HAS A FACE... AND IT'S EATING KNUCKLE SANDWICHES.

This whole financial crisis continues to spiral out of control and now it's extending to Europe as some of their banks are getting dragged under our wave of shit.  But, today, Wall Street's greed was given a face when Dick Fuld, the ex-CEO of Lehman Brothers, testified in front of Congress.  Chairman Waxman was pressing on Dick to justify his $480 million in compensation over the last 5 years while his company went down the toilet.  Now, I'm not a bright dude.  Handsome?  Yes.  Charming?  Yeah.  Ninja warrior when it comes to affairs of the heart?  Uh... yes.  But I'm not too bright.  Still, even I know this schmuck is being arrogant and condescending.  That's right... I'm calling bullshit.  I mean, really.  Talking slower and repeating what the Congressman just asked you isn't a fucking answer.  Does he think that "Joe Sixpack" is too dumb to not know the difference?  Or is he just trying to buy time because he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar?  Here's the video:

America is a capitalistic society.  People are motivated by money.  If I was in this guy's position I would have taken the money just like he did.  I don't have a problem with that.  What I do have a problem with is good old Dick Fuld and all Lehman Brother's shareholders taking responsibility for their actions.  We didn't get any of this dude's $480 million salary when the company was doing good so why should we have to pay $700 billion when his company shits the bed?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Corporate welfare is just as bad as regular welfare.  Except, instead of giving some unemployed, single mother a check for $800/month we're basically letting Dick Fuld walk away with $480 million and zero responsibility - legally or financially.  And I'm not the only one who is super-pissed about this whole thing.  Seems like Dick didn't make any friends with his testimony, and he ended up getting a big fat punch in the nose.  

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Still, Dick Fuld's fat lip doesn't make me feel a whole heck of a lot better.  In fact, I'm still mad as hell - and you should be too.  Get mad and stay strong.

Technorati Tags: bailout, finance, cash, humor, fuld, waxman, testimony, mad as hell, network, personal responsibility, corporate welfare, jesus christ, sno-cones

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FOUND IT! THE *BEST* WEBSITE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET.

Howdy ho you fucking maniacs.  I'm back after an evening of delicious cocktails and defending justice (in that order).  I was just about to post a video further explaining how fucked we are as a result of the recent bailout.  But then I found it... the absolute best site on the entire world wide web.  Oh, trust me on this... I've been to all of them and this is the best one.  It defies any explanations.  You really have to experience it to truly appreciate it's full awesomeness.  But just a warning before you link to it: make sure you have a solid 2-4 hours to burn because once you click it, you'll be locked in.  Ok, now that that's out of the way, behold the sublime magnificence of Rate My Turban.  Now what bitches?

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, turban, muslim, rate my turban, breast augmentation, smoking reefer, fishnet stockings, huge tits

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok knuckleheads.  Time to get at it again.  Everyone!  Man your cocktails!

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The babe tonight is Nicky Whelan.  She's an actress and model from Down Under and she's done various Australian tv shows and modeling jobs, which I personally don't give a flying dingo dump about.  One interesting tid-bit is that she's hooked up with David Spade, which is good news and bad news.  The good news is that she has exceedingly low standards when it comes to men which should give hope to all the sorry dudes out there who don't possess my natural good looks or charm.  The bad news is that she has exceedingly low standards when it comes to men - so you know she's been getting humped on by every dopey Aussie with a kangaroo cock.  Anyway, more pics of her here.

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Red Stripe is the Budweiser of Jamaica.  It's a thin, oily beer that's drinkable on a hot day when you're really thirsty... and there's no water around... and you just got a bee sting on your tongue... and someone has dared you on a bet... and... well... you get the idea.  It's not going to blow your hair back but Red Stripe is good if you're in a bind for a malty fix.  But, if you're actually in Jamaica, I'd recommend just smoking weed and having a pina colada.  Beer Advocate rates it a C ... "mediocre."

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Fighting Instinct is yet another Christian rock band.  They are about the sixth one of these types of groups I've featured so far.  It's not like I'm looking for religious bands.  I just hear a song I like and find out about it later.  So I'm not sure what part of my brain lights up when I hear religiousey music but I've scheduled an appointment with a therapist immediately.  I don't really have anything against Jesus... he was probably a decent dude.  But I absolutely don't want to end up drifting into religion... unless the Pope has a change of heart and gets cool with bong smokin' and luscious bitches.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, Nicky Whelan, Red Stripe, Jesus, Jamaica, fatty, dope, pina colada, Fighting Instinct, christian rock, austrailia, i found forever, christ a bing bing, zippety zips

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5 RANDOM PICTURES THAT PUMP MY NADS & A GOOD FALL COCKTAIL.

You see a lot of crazy shit when you're stumbling around the internet.  Like two days ago I bought a bag of stem cells and joined a tobacco cartel; which is kind of impressive when you consider that I haven't folded my laundry in about five weeks.  So, just to give you a sense of the funky shit I've been wading through here on the world wide web; here are five pictures that pump my nads.  Smoke up bitches.  [Cocktail after the pics]

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The Statue of the Republic: From the Chicago's World Fair.  I like it.  Kind of reminds me how I felt the first time I got laid.  

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Lesbianism.  It even makes monuments sexy as hell.

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Actual concept drawing of a Ferrari motorcycle.  So high on the awesomeness index that I'm getting a case of the jimmy legs.  

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Another pic that reminds me of the first time I got laid... but for waaaayyy different reasons.  Fuck yeah Faith Tones.

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Weekend's coming.  Dress appropriately.

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And speaking of drunk, here's the WTCCTR fall cocktail.  A little beverage I like to call 'cider tits.'

1 cup hot mulled cider

1 shot of Captain Morgan spiced rum

1 cinnamon stick

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Technorati Tags: humor, finance, pictures, nads, pump my nads, liberty, justice, hot mulled cider, captain morgan spiced rum, rum, cocktail, republic, lesbians, ferrari, motorcycle, weekend forcast, spiced tits.

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