WHAT THE F*CK ARE THESE GUYS SMILING ABOUT?!?

Ready for another week?  After two days off, my credit card has smoke coming off of it and my nipples are killing me... so I'm glad to get out of this weekend without an STD or appearing before a judge.  And it turns out I wasn't the only one who had a good weekend.  I found this picture of Bush, Paulson, and Bernanke at a IMF meeting held on Saturday.  They appeared to be yuk-ing it up despite sitting at the epicenter of the collapse of the US economy.  Seriously, what the fuck is so fucking funny at a International Money Fund meeting held on a fucking weekend?!?!  If I had anything remotely to do with the financial meltdown that's occurring I'd be wearing a black veil and kneading my nuts with a pair of vice grips - just to have some kind of empathy with all the retiree's who's IRA's I just destroyed.  But instead of having any sort of decorum these dudes are jerking each other off in front of the world in an AP photo because they just pulled off the greatest heist in the history of mankind.  If there's any divine justice or karma or whatever these three douche bags will be stuffed up each other's respective assholes for all of eternity in a hot pit of baby tears and razor blades.

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I'm sorry to keep posting about this topic but when someone is fucking you in the ass it's pretty much impossible to talk about other issues.  Uhhh... at least that's what I've been told... ok, bad analogy.  But you know what I mean... right? ... Ah.. fuck it.  Anyway, here's the pic and caption from the news source.  Stay liquid fuckers.

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President Bush, right, smiles during the G20 ministerial meeting at the International Monetary Fund Saturday, Oct. 11, 2008 in Washington. From left, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, and Bush. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, cash, babe, beer, tune, bernanke, bush, paulson, financial crisis, imf, ira, 401k, crisis, collapse, tender nipples

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FOUR RANDOM PICS THAT BEEFED MY JERKY.

Happy Saturday Bitches.  Here are four random pictures I found that made me pause and think, 'Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a kid.'

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ANOTHER reason to fucking hate fucking clowns.

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Jedi squirrles.  This pic is solely responsible for sending me back into therapy.

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Image of a piece of toast on Jesus.  Where is your God now?

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A picture of my therapist.  Stay by the phone Phil.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, clowns, sex, toast, shrowd of turin, creamy flatulance

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Buckle in bitches.  Here we go again.

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Tonight's babe is Holly Weber. She's a California girl who's been in a lot of tv shows and in the movie "Fast and Furious 4."  Nothing says 'I've fucking made it' like FF4.  Plus she's been in those Geiko caveman commercials.  So here's to you, Holly Weber, you lusty lusty wench.  More pics of her here.

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The no-brainer beer of the week is Sam Adams Octoberfest.  This is an outstanding brew, rich and flavorful and... well... loving.  Yeah, I'm saying it.  It's a beer that will treat you right.  And how many beverages can you say that about?  I got my mouth on a bad orange juice a few days ago and it knocked my dick in the dirt.  But not Octoberfest.  It grabbed me by the taste buds and said, 'Hey Bud, let's party!'  Beer Advocate rates it a B ... "good."  If you ask me, that's like saying the Sistine Chapel is "nice."  Who are these dicks at BA??

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Tune tonight is a cover of a Santana song, "Evil Ways."  The only difference is that Santana's version (the original) is super-gay.  The band above, Nonpoint, re-did it and made it sound like a fucking man.  Christ.  The version featured tonight makes you appreciate how much of a fag Santana really is.  Jeesus.  Weekend's here bitches.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, holly weber, sam adams, octoberfest, nonpoint, evil ways, santana, humor, finance, refer wizards

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AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.

I got caught up in a wicked-assed chuckle fit today so bad that I poofed out a fart right in the middle of a service call with Habib the Magic Carpet Man regarding my DVD player.  I was watching the stock market plow into the ground like a B- 52 Bomber with it's wings cut off while the news was reporting how AIG Executives will be taking A SECOND luxury getaway (the first one a few weeks ago cost $400,000) with their new bailout cash.  The total retardedness of the whole thing tickled the masochistic tip of my funny bone, and I  tee-hee'd it for a solid ten minutes.  Meanwhile, I can't swing a dead cat without hearing a fucking Sarah Palin story; I'm getting junk mail/catalogues by the truckload begging me to buy cheap plastic kitchen gadgets or clothes made in Indonesia with my devalued dollar; home values are plunging around me so that I can't move; gas prices are heading back up; the guy next door chants "drill, baby, drill" each time there's a debate; and my cat is losing his sphincter tone.  Ahhh... America.  Fuck yeah.

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THREE MOTORCYCLES THAT WILL MAKE YOU SHIT BRICKS.

Confederate Motor Cycle is a small, independent motorcycle manufacturer located in Baton Rouge, LA.  And they build some of the most mind boggling motorcycles in the history of your mother.  I'd cut off one of my gonads and flick it in your eye if someone would give me one of these bikes.  Yeah, that's right... I'm saying it.  Check this shit out.

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THE FIGHTER (limited edition)

The company is only making 45 of these beauties at a cost of $110000.oo a piece.  So empty those change jars.

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B120 WRAITH

Yeah, this bike would be excellent for crime fighting and banging bitches.

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F131 HELLCAT COMBAT

The most sublime example of quality design your sorry ass is ever going to see.

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RENOVATIO PROJECT

Confederate's latest concept.  But I can see these maniacs putting something like this together.

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None of these little beauties go for anything lower than $75000.oo.  But if the little baby Jesus were to come back to Earth, he'd be riding on a Confederate bike.  Hmmm... I wonder if I can get my hands on some of that righteous bailout cash... ?

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THE DARK KNIGHT & OTHER FREE PREMIUM MOVIES ON LINE.

Howdy ho bitches.  If you're into seeing premium movies - movies that are currently in the theaters - online... then I have the site for you.  Iron Man, Eagle Eye, The Hulk, The Dark Knight.  They're all there.    Now if I can only figure out a way to stretch my computer screen to 50" I'll be a happy litter fucker.  The only one catch is that sometimes the quality isn't the best.  But sometimes it is.  Oh, and popcorn butter on the keys.  That sucks too.  Check out the site here.

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WALL STREET'S GREED HAS A FACE... AND IT'S EATING KNUCKLE SANDWICHES.

This whole financial crisis continues to spiral out of control and now it's extending to Europe as some of their banks are getting dragged under our wave of shit.  But, today, Wall Street's greed was given a face when Dick Fuld, the ex-CEO of Lehman Brothers, testified in front of Congress.  Chairman Waxman was pressing on Dick to justify his $480 million in compensation over the last 5 years while his company went down the toilet.  Now, I'm not a bright dude.  Handsome?  Yes.  Charming?  Yeah.  Ninja warrior when it comes to affairs of the heart?  Uh... yes.  But I'm not too bright.  Still, even I know this schmuck is being arrogant and condescending.  That's right... I'm calling bullshit.  I mean, really.  Talking slower and repeating what the Congressman just asked you isn't a fucking answer.  Does he think that "Joe Sixpack" is too dumb to not know the difference?  Or is he just trying to buy time because he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar?  Here's the video:

America is a capitalistic society.  People are motivated by money.  If I was in this guy's position I would have taken the money just like he did.  I don't have a problem with that.  What I do have a problem with is good old Dick Fuld and all Lehman Brother's shareholders taking responsibility for their actions.  We didn't get any of this dude's $480 million salary when the company was doing good so why should we have to pay $700 billion when his company shits the bed?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Corporate welfare is just as bad as regular welfare.  Except, instead of giving some unemployed, single mother a check for $800/month we're basically letting Dick Fuld walk away with $480 million and zero responsibility - legally or financially.  And I'm not the only one who is super-pissed about this whole thing.  Seems like Dick didn't make any friends with his testimony, and he ended up getting a big fat punch in the nose.  

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Still, Dick Fuld's fat lip doesn't make me feel a whole heck of a lot better.  In fact, I'm still mad as hell - and you should be too.  Get mad and stay strong.

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