I COME IN THE NAME OF JESUS MOTHER F*CKER!

Since I seem to be getting pulled into Christianity through their rock bands, I thought I'd stop fighting it and start looking for a pastor I can start to follow.  It took some searching but I think I've found the guy.  He's called Pastor X.  He's kind of like Malcom X but without the pesky education and introspection.  I was feeling kind of ambivalent about the guy until around the 2:25 mark of this video, when he breaks out the best insult I've heard ever in the history of my life.  Stay strong... and Jesus-ey.

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TORTURE: THE SOUNDTRACK

I'm not a big fan of torture.  I once had a wicked hang nail that had me confessing shit to my cat that I didn't even do.  But you can only go down the Epsom salt path so many times without relief before you start resorting to "alternative" methods.  Anyway, here are the 9 songs that are blasted on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan, and in Iraq (in no particular order) to torture their sandy brown asses'.  There's one thing I don't like about this list: only 9 songs.  It's like having 19 hijackers - you know there's one more.  Terrorists and torturers like even numbers.  So what's the 10th song?!?!   I bet it's some form of Christian rock.  Whatever that last song is, torture rocks.  Stay strong.

Metallica- Enter Sandman.mp3

Drowning Pool - Bodies (Let The Bodies Hit The Floor).mp3




AC/DC - Shoot to Thrill (Live At Donnington) High Quality!!!.mp3




hells bells.mp3




Barney - I Love You.mp3




Born In The U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen.mp3




David Gray - Babylon.mp3

Eminem - White America.mp3




Sesame Street - 1970's opening (show 2178).mp3



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FRIDAY'S... er... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok crap stains.  We're back at it.  Let's get those boob juices flowing.

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Say hello to my lil' friend: Jessica Burciaga.  Jessica seems like my kind of fun loving gal.  She's worked at Hooters, is currently a spokes model for Hot Import Nights (whatever the hell that is), and is Playboy's February 2009 Playmate.  Renaissance woman?  No, but damn close.  And if she'd just move that left hand I'd admit to anything.  More pics of her here.

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In my quest to review the entire Sam Adams collection I'm hitting on Cherry Wheat this week.  I think I'd consider this a "girly" beer but cherry Coke, cherry pie, cherry slots... I love 'em all.  So I went into Cherry Wheat with a strong partiality to the flavor.  I'm going with a big thumbs up on this one.  But it's like a Honda - loved it but don't let any of your friends see you enjoying it.  Beer Advocate rates it a B- ... "worthy."  They probably liked it a lot more than that but had to rate it lower to seem cool.  

Ugh.  More Christian rock bands.  This week it's Manic Drive.  They're out of Toronto, Canada.  They have some pretty decent awards under their belts but, Jiminy Christmas - does every friggin' band I like have to be into God?!?  What ever happened to Satan?  I thought he was a big inspiration to rock and roll.  I guess Jesus is the new Satan.  I don't know.  Here's their tune "Luckiest."  Rock on Jesus!

Manic Drive - Luckiest.mp3


Free Search Mp3 Code at www.codelagu.com

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OWNED!

As a righteous motherf*cker, international man of mystery, and occasional guest air-bassist for the band Manny and the Piss Slits; I've never experienced the raw, bare-assed awfulness of getting owned.  I actually think I have a rare genetic make-up that prevents it from occurring to me.  Kind of like trying to put the north poles on two different magnets together.  It just doesn't work.  So when I see videos like the one below I wonder how these poor sonsabitches have even a shred of dignity left.  Seriously.  They must have some kind of life coach or prescription medications that makes the rest of their days ok or something.  I can't figure it out.  

Technorati Tags: humor, cash, finance, babe, beer, tune, tits, obama, facebook, at&t, iPhone, owned, ass monkey

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FIVE RANDOM PHOTOS THAT ROCK BALLS

In my daily musings and general haberdashery from the past week I ran across the usual insane internet photos.  A few were stand-outs, and really sparked a fire in my loins... er... well... you know what I mean.  Here they are...

I really don't know what this chick has going on but I want 'in.'

Yeah, so this is the most awesome thing I've ever seen in my life.

Coloring is a nifty little endeavour.

The lady will have the Ike Turner and I'll just take a kick in the nuts.

A few dozen of these guys armed with the chainsaw gun and... BA-DOW! ... no more calls from your ex-wife about late child support payments... ever.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, musing, habdashery, coloring, tits, chainsaw gun, lumberjack commandos, axe, chick, ike turner, slap in the face, domestic abuse, scorching gonads

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WTCCTR IS BACK! AND SHAQUANDA JOHNSON HAS A PROBLEM.

It's good to be back after a devastating taint injury of several weeks ago.  The morals of that story?  1) Don't try any experimental gonad enhancement procedure and 2) never opt for skin grafts below the waist.  Ok, on to business...

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So I'm wacking around today like my usual tough guy self when I get this phone call.  The person on the other end was looking for a Shaquanda Johnson.  After a 5 minute conversation trying to convince them that I didn't know Shaquanda, that I wasn't Mr. Johnson, and that I didn't know how to reach her; they hung up.  Shaquanda: if you're reading this - stop giving out my number to debt collection agencies you deadbeat broad.  Oh, and wash your dirty, gold-brickin' ass.

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CATCH YOU ON THE FLIP SIDE

Ok, so you fuckers are gonna have to bear with me.  I scorched the shit out of my taint in a testicle enhancement procedure gone wrong.  I'll be back on Tuesday, December 9th.  Until then.... be potent and stay strong.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, money, cash, flip side, stand by, shut your face, testicle enhancement, crotch creams

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