TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 7

Whoa.  Apologies up front Bitches.  I was out of town for a few days helping to catch that nutty fucker who was breaking into people's homes, rubbing spices on them, and beating them with a sausage.  Sick bastard.  But I'm back!  And I wanted to return to the video series "Freedom To Fascism," which looks at the legality of the Federal Income Tax.  My past posts on it are here but the video links are no longer working so truck on over to YouTube for the rest of them.  

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In this segment the Producer/Narrator Aaron Russo interviews my man Ron Paul and explains why you can't buy shit any more without giving up half a testicle as collateral.  ... What?  I only actually did that one time and it was with a Jamaican voodoo doctor who said he'd make my pecker "long like river."  Pfft... shit... he can have one of my nuts.  They're HUGE anyway.  I'm all balls; with a pinch of choad thrown in for embarrassments sake.  Uh... yeah... anyway... taxes...

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

It's the ass end of a long week here.  Let's pull puds, drink suds, and jam with some buds.

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The babe: Alexia Lei.  She's a 27 year old model born in Washington state.  Basically a nobody right now.  But a hot nobody.  I just want her to know that if she wants to make something of her life and be a somebody she needs to remember two things: 1) Lord loves a workin' man 2) Don't trust whitey.  She follows those rules and the rest is gravy.  Gravy I tell ya!  More pics of her here.

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Hold on to your ball bags Bitches because tonight's brew isn't for pussies: Genesee Cream Ale...  The Green Death.  I pictured it in it's can form because I don't think they even bother to bottle it.  The glass rejects the liquid as being foul and impure.  I've had this beer about twice in my life and my sphincter has gone into violent convulsions both times.  It's an ok tasting beer but you will pay a price the next morning in the form of violent Hershey squirts.  I rate this beer as a 'do not want.'  Beer Advocate rates it a C... mediocre.  If you hate your anus then, go ahead, pour yourself a glass.

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The band: Atomship.  The tune: Friends.  A progressive rock band from Mississippi.  I like this band.  Mainly because they're totally into UFO's and extra-terrestrials.  There's nothing like talking about paranormal shit with some southern rockers.  I mean, the best day in the history of my life involved a pound of hash, the band 38 Special, and an afternoon in Roswell, New Mexico.  Magic.  Just magic.

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CHOKING THE HELL OUT OF THAT CHICKEN... AND A HOT CHICK.

I'm exhausted.  This whole 'getting up and going to work' thing is pretty tedious.  But a nice stress reliever is choking your chicken followed by some silent weeping into a pillow.  Sometimes, when I get a hankering for a particular porn-star, it can be difficult to find a video of them.  That's where StrokeSearch.net comes in.  Just type out the name of your favorite whore and all the videos of her will come up - ready for your viewing... er... pleasure.  A helpful little tip if you're having trouble is to type in "Peter North."  He's pretty much boned every single woman in the porn industry and a few who didn't even know they were into porn until they were drowning in his monster money-shot.  Seriously, what the hell does that guy do to produce a pint of semen every time he blasts one?  I haven't seen that much jizz since that witch doctor blessed me by hitting me in the head with a live chicken after I'd made the rains come.  Oh, here's your hot babe to get you all sauced up for your stroke search.  Stay strong.

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MARBLES HOSGROVE.

There are a lot of reasons I'm going to hell.  Too many to really list here.  But one of those reasons is that I think retarded people are hilariously entertaining.  And not in a "laughing with you" sort of way.  They're in the same category as reefer addicts: pure joy wrapped in dumb looks and B.O.  So when I saw this short video of a special young woman by the name of Marbles; it felt like I was running through fields of hashish and joy in a slow motion carousel, and falling into the arms of a big, warbley-eyed window licker bearing armfuls of tacos and bongs.  Technically, I don't think she's retarded but autistic... hell, I don't even think she's a real person but an ingenious character actress.  Whatever the case is, Marbles is the sh*t - with a capital "S".  In fact, she's the newest addition to the list of people I'm going to recruit for my team of crime fighters.  Her special power?  Snacking.  

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Here's a video where she expounds on the dangers of E. Coli.  Watch.  Watch and grow awesome you sonsabitches.

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PS - How friggin' awesome would it be to have Marbles and Bob in the same room?

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BLOXORZ ... IT WILL SMOKE YOUR BALLS

Howdy Bitches.  Sorry I didn't get to do a post yesterday... but I was working for Labor Day. I went south of the border with my buddy Carlos to milk a cow and pick up massive amounts of marajuana.  I need it to treat my back pain... well... I technically don't have any back pain yet but I thought I'd be proactive.  

Hey, can someone explain to me why the F we take a day off to celebrate work?  I think it has something to do with Unions.  If you really want to get the full poop on Labor Day you can check out this video.  Otherwise, pack your pipe with this little addictive game and prepare to have your balls smoked.  Stay strong.

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Play Games at AddictingGames

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TOP 3 SCENES FROM THE MOVIE "OLD SCHOOL"

There are some movies you see and know they are instant classics the minute you walk out of the theater.  "Old School" is one of those movies.  Will Farrell and Vince Vaughn can deliver a comedic line better than anyone, and this flick was full of great lines.  Plus the sight gags were pretty boner-riffic.  It was a gargantuan task trying to pick out the top 3 scenes from the movie but I spent almost 1/4 of an hour coming up with this list... because I love you fantastic bastards like a $2 whore loves a good steak dinner.  Ok, pencils down Bitches.

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Vince Vaughn says what every Best Man would say standing up there if any of them had a hair on their ass.  Still, the wedding singer is the real star in this clip.

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Apologies for the German subtitles.  I have this same reaction every time I crack a fresh beer.  So good.

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If you don't know what the word "sublime" means, look it up.  Because this scene is that.

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Sweet Mother Mary and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse - it's Friday!  Start your boners!

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This is Melissa Marie.  I tried to find a bio on this chick and came up with zip.  Judging from the picture I'd say she's an intellectual of Scottish descent.  And good for her... the Scots are a proud people and education is important.  I mean, this picture says to me, 'Hey kids, stay in school.'  And then I think, I wonder if that rumor about not wearing anything under the kilt-thing is true?  Ohpleasegodyes.  Ohpleasegodyes.  More pics of her here.

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I'm going sentimental on your ass tonight.  Schaefer beer is what my Grandfather used to drink when we were doing yard work.  I can't quite remember but it might actually be the first beer I ever had.  So maybe the sentimentality taints my taste buds but this $3/six-pack brew is goddam delicious.  It's light, flavorful, and has a lot of carbonation; and it all works well together.  Even Beer Advocate (BA) says it's a "great beer for quenching thirst on a hot day."  So my grandpa had it right.  I always knew he was the OG.  BA's official rating is a C- ... "not worthy."  But BA is run by a bunch of buck-toothed BOCES anyways.  Good luck finding Schaefer though.  I think the only ones still around are waaaayyy past their "born on" dates.

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Tonight's tune is "Flawless" by Twin Method.  They're a metal band from Liverpool, England.  And, unlike the featured bands from the past 4 weeks, they're not a Christian rock band!  I mean, look at these bastards.  Nothing Christian about these guys.  In fact, they look like they'd beat up your local Christian and record it as a lead-in for their next single.  So suck on that Jesus!

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