Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road...?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

9

Sorry about the lost few days my little Christmas whores. I'll spare you the explanation but let me just offer a piece of advice. If you're staying near a horse farm don't take ecstasy. Trust me.

So what do you get when you mix Tim Burton, the director of "Wanted", cool futuristic animation, and a bunch of celebrity voices? You get the movie "9" It looks pretty gritty and bad-assed, like my stool. Anyway, check it out...

Technorati Tags: tim burton, wanted, 9, animation, celebrity, angelina jolie, futuristic, humor, babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, ecstasy, horse farm, ass stitches.

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I GUESS I HAVE A TINY SACK

I'd often pause at random moments throughout the day and admire the fact that I had balls the size of church bells. I mean, I'd run with scissors, drink milk right out of the carton, eat a bunch of barbecue ribs and go swimming right afterwards, give cops the finger... cripes, one time got so crazy I ate my dessert before dinner. Did I risk ruining my appetite? Yup. And I did it anyway. That's what you call bad ass Buckos. Then I saw the video I'm featuring tonight. It's a dude by the name of Dan Osman. I guess he climbs cliffs without ropes or any other safety harness. Just some chalk, fairy looking shoes, and a sweet mini-mullet. So, I'll admit my nads aren't quite as big as good old Dan's. But let me leave you with this: I didn't even rake my yard this year. I let those f*cking leaves just sit there all fall. I'm looking at you Dan Osman.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, rich, obama, mccain, collapse, financial, free climb, dan osman, lovers leap, gonads, small balls, church bells, penis chisel

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Saturday, December 20, 2008

10 SECONDS OF ASS GIGGLING

I enjoy a good chuckle as much as the next guy, as I'm sure you goddam maniacs do. So there's this video I'm posting today that made me chuckle so hard I popped a nipple off. It's short - only 45 seconds or so - but ALL the funny shit happens in the first 10 seconds... so prepare yourself. Go to the bathroom. Clear away all breakable objects. Blow your nose. Stretch. Hit play. Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, gold, treadmill, fail, crash, crabcake nightmare

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Friday, December 19, 2008

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Wha... where am I?? Whoa. Sorry about not being around for the last few days. I'm sure you maniacs managed without me. After all, Al Gore's internet is a rich, interactive environment which puts the world's libraries and knowledge at your fingertips. Oh, and a crazy amount of tits. And just FYI - if you're gonna drop acid and do whippets, pre-plan your way home.

Yeah. I'm not messing around this week. Michelle Panzarella was a Cybergirl of the Week for Playboy and recently appeared as Playmate of the Month in the current (55th Anniversary) edition of Playboy. Other than that, the only thing I could find out about her was that... ready?... she has two kids. Yup. So here's to you Michelle. And to breastfeeding until you're 43. More pics of her here. (You're welcome Jbird).

Rolling Rock Extra Pale Ale is on tap tonight. I hadn't had it in awhile and so I went into this weeks "tasting" with a clean palliate, so to speak. I've always liked RR's packaging and unique green bottle which makes me want to like this beer. Then I drank it. It's a flat, bitter beer with an aftertaste of a car trunk. After three sips I smashed it over my genitals just so I would enjoy it more. Beer Advocate rates this bitch a C- ... "not worthy." I agree Mr. Beer Advocate. Ptoowy!

This is intheclear. They're a straight-up heavy rock band out of Louisville, Kentucky. And they're awesome. They've toured with Staind, Chevelle, Sevendust, and Days of the New. You've probably never heard of them but you should get some of their tunage. It'll smoke your balls off. The tune featured is entitled "Dead Roses." Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go stand outside for a bit. My balls are making it look like a Texas barbecue basement cookout in the old home office here. Stay strong.

"Dead Roses"

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, michelle panzarella, rollling rock pale ale, intheclear, dead roses, armpits, balls, smoking balls, obama, bailout, bush, bucktoothed penis, flying spaghetti monster, fsm

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

POPPING AND LOCKING FOR JESUS

It's convert to Christianity week here at WTCCTR. Last night I found the pastor for my Church of The Virgin of the Immaculate Chicken Crossing The Road and the Four Horsemen of the Divine Jesus-A-GoGo in Pastor X. Tonight I found the talent for the musical interlude portion of our mass. I'm not sure of their name but they're spiffy as fuck and have a very Jesus-ey message: a renewed mind is the key to the power that we need. And here I was looking for my renewed mind in cocaine and $2 whores... who knew? I'll tell you who - Jesus. So, without further ado, here's.... uh... Johnny Combover and the Virgin Mary's... or somethinglikethat. Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, barack, hussein, armpits, jesus, dancing for salvation, pastor x, mass, christianity, moon boots, semen

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Monday, December 15, 2008

I COME IN THE NAME OF JESUS MOTHER F*CKER!

Since I seem to be getting pulled into Christianity through their rock bands, I thought I'd stop fighting it and start looking for a pastor I can start to follow. It took some searching but I think I've found the guy. He's called Pastor X. He's kind of like Malcom X but without the pesky education and introspection. I was feeling kind of ambivalent about the guy until around the 2:25 mark of this video, when he breaks out the best insult I've heard ever in the history of my life. Stay strong... and Jesus-ey.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, christian, rock, pastor, pastor x, jesus, huggy bear, nin-com-fucking-poop

Tags created with Ukion Tag Generator

Sunday, December 14, 2008

TORTURE: THE SOUNDTRACK

I'm not a big fan of torture. I once had a wicked hang nail that had me confessing shit to my cat that I didn't even do. But you can only go down the Epsom salt path so many times without relief before you start resorting to "alternative" methods. Anyway, here are the 9 songs that are blasted on prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, in Afghanistan, and in Iraq (in no particular order) to torture their sandy brown asses'. There's one thing I don't like about this list: only 9 songs. It's like having 19 hijackers - you know there's one more. Terrorists and torturers like even numbers. So what's the 10th song?!?! I bet it's some form of Christian rock. Whatever that last song is, torture rocks. Stay strong.