5 RANDOM PICTURES THAT PUMP MY NADS & A GOOD FALL COCKTAIL.

You see a lot of crazy shit when you're stumbling around the internet.  Like two days ago I bought a bag of stem cells and joined a tobacco cartel; which is kind of impressive when you consider that I haven't folded my laundry in about five weeks.  So, just to give you a sense of the funky shit I've been wading through here on the world wide web; here are five pictures that pump my nads.  Smoke up bitches.  [Cocktail after the pics]

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The Statue of the Republic: From the Chicago's World Fair.  I like it.  Kind of reminds me how I felt the first time I got laid.  

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Lesbianism.  It even makes monuments sexy as hell.

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Actual concept drawing of a Ferrari motorcycle.  So high on the awesomeness index that I'm getting a case of the jimmy legs.  

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Another pic that reminds me of the first time I got laid... but for waaaayyy different reasons.  Fuck yeah Faith Tones.

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Weekend's coming.  Dress appropriately.

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And speaking of drunk, here's the WTCCTR fall cocktail.  A little beverage I like to call 'cider tits.'

1 cup hot mulled cider

1 shot of Captain Morgan spiced rum

1 cinnamon stick

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Technorati Tags: humor, finance, pictures, nads, pump my nads, liberty, justice, hot mulled cider, captain morgan spiced rum, rum, cocktail, republic, lesbians, ferrari, motorcycle, weekend forcast, spiced tits.

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THE BAILOUT AND A NEW PLAN FOR WALL STREET.

Lawmakers are now putting some bullshit in the bailout plan in order to encourage the House members who voted "no" to change their vote.  Because why would you want to do a thoughtful analysis of the problem and then come up with a plan when you can ram through a panicked piece of legislation that will devalue our currency and give every working American a bill for $4635.00.  It's been almost two weeks since this "crisis" started and no one is rioting in the streets.  I watch the news and expect to look out my window to see a scene from Road Warrior for the sweet love of the four virgins of the apocolypse.  But I don't.  And, I don't know about you, but I get nervous when someone who is losing their shit is telling me what to do - or handing me a big-assed bill.  So, in this political season where people endorse things, I'm officially endorsing Bob's financial plan.  Jump you Fuckers!

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Technorati Tags: humor, finance, bailout plan, banks, taxpayers, takin' one up the pooper

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THE GREATIST FOOTBALL SPEECH IN THE HISTORY OF YOUR MOTHER!

Around this same time every year, when a bunch of monstrous dudes start chasing an oblong ball made from dead animal skin around 100 yards of turf like a bunch of fucking maniacs; I'll watch the greatest football speech ever made.  No, not Vince Lombardi.  It's a speech by Al Pacino in the movie Any Given Sunday, just before the big game.  It's just about the most goddam inspiring thing I've ever seen in the history of my awesome life - and that's counting the time I watched an armless stripper pick up $48 in $1's at the end of her set.  She, like Pacino, knew that life is a game of inches.  Watch.  Watch and grow awesome you fantastic bastards.

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PS - If this clip doesn't motivate you to do something - anything! - email me so I can find you and slap the shit out of you.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, tits, any given sunday, football, speech, football speech, best, al pacino, pacino, your mother, christ a-go-go

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WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK! ... WONDER WOMAN AND MAGNUM PI

I've never had the pleasure of being attacked by an animal.  I don't count the time my cousin Nippy threw the raw chicken breast at me, even though it did poke me in the eye.  And from the looks of these videos, if you don't have Amazon strength or a black friend with a helicopter, you're pretty much shit out of luck.  Stay squirrley.

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Technorati Tags: babe, humor, money, magnum pi, wonder woman, tom selleck, linda carter, anmals, hubba hubba, piss out my ass

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DOUCHEBAGS.

Douchebags.  They're everywhere.  So tonight I thought I'd do a small pictorial tribute to them.  Now, I favor the Jersey douchebag - so those are who's being featured tonight.  But there are A LOT of varieties: plain, educated, nice.  I suppose the Jersey douchebag is a subset of the plain douchebag.  I'm not sure about that though.  I'll have to consult my local douchebag guy.  Anyway, here dey go... in no particular order:

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A whole flock of them.  Here they confront their observers and display their bright plumage.

A little "how to" for all the kids out there aspiring to douchebaggery.

Douchebag defined.

The douchebaggery is strong with this one.

Larry, Curly, Vinny VonTanalot.

Yup.  All these dudes are voting... and procreating.  Sleep tight.  

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, douchebag, New Jersey, donkey, shrek sex video

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Happy Friday you Fags.  All week I've been posting to help get us through this financial shit storm that's swirling all over us.  Tonight is no different.  It just happens to be a regular feature.  Tits ahoy!

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Jillian Beyor is the righteous babe for this week.  She's your standard bikini model who was born in the north east but moved to Florida.  She had a brief stint on tv on the Beauty and the Geek tv show.  I think she was one of the beauties.  Whoopdefriggindo.  Oh, and she's also the Playboy Model of the Year in 2008.  Now we're cookin' with Crisco!  More boob-a-liscious pics of her here.

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Bass Pale Ale is tonight's sudsy goodness.  I haven't had Bass in awhile so when I had it tonight I was pleasantly surprised.  It had a nice mild flavor and a smooth finish.  Big thumbs up for me.  Or maybe it was the exotic dancers that were rumping it up in front of me that made it so delicious.  I really can't remember.  But if you do try Bass I recommend having it with strippers... somehow strippers make everything better.  Beer Advocate rates Bass a B- ... "worthy."

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Righteous tunage for tonight is "Enemy" by Madside.  They are a straight-up rock band from Redding, CA.  Another band with a disaffected album photo.  Everyone should tell these rock bands that trying to look tough has the exact opposite effect.  These guys looks tough.  BUT... Madside kicked out a nifty little ditty so... 

Ok Shitheels... this week of financial awfulness is over.  If you haven't already, crack a brew and brace for the next 7 days.  My bung is already at maximum pucker.  Stay strong.

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ZACH GALIFIANAKIS SMOKES KANYE WEST.

Tonight we try to assuage our searing anal rape-age by Wall Street and this pesky little 'buy out' with the healing power of music.  

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Zach Galiflankilisis is a modern-day Andy Kaufman - so ahead of his time that a lot of people don't "get" what he's doing.  On the flip side, Kanye West is an idiot.  He's one of these guys who raps and thinks that because he can steal hooks from other musicians and rhyme words like "stuipdly" and "jewelery" he's some kind of goddamed prophet.  So, without further adieu, "Can't Tell me Nothin'."

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Technorati Tags: Zach Galifianakis, babe, beer, tune, humor, finanace, kanye west, can't tell me nothin', wall street, financial collapse, shit sandwich

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