LET'S FIGHT!

Ever have one of those days where you feel squirrely as hell and just want to get in a fight?  Well, I'm having one today.  For some reason I woke up and just wanted to kick the living fuck out of someone.  Or have someone bash my balls in.  Either way would have done the trick.  So I go all day gritting my teeth just looking for trouble.  Then I get home and start watching videos about fighting and reading General Patton quotes.  Before I know it I'm throwing myself down the stairs and using my ball sack like a speed bag.  And that's no joke when you're sporting fists of fury like mine.  So here is a picture, video, and a few words of wisdom on how to absolutely kick ass.  Stay strong.

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"...we as attackers have the initiative, we know exactly what we are going to do, while the enemy is ignorant of our intentions and can only parry our blows. We must retain this tremendous advantage by always attacking rapidly, ruthlessly, viciously, and without rest."

- General George S. Patton Jr.

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WTCCTR - THE SOUNDTRACK - PART DEUX!

The soundtrack is back Baby!  A few months ago I posted the first joint of compiled songs from my "Friday's Babe, Beer, and a Tune" posts.  You can see that post here.  Well, the righteous tunes have piled up and now I'm back with soundtrack #2.  Youbetcha!  I mean, all of the songs are so goddam good it fucks me up a little.  I'm listening to it now and I'm getting a wicked case of the jimmy legs and have a crazy urge to sear my nipples with my iron.  I know - a sure sign of good tunage.  There is a *bummer alert* however: iTunes didn't have three of the songs so they aren't listed on the official soundtrack.  They are:

"Rock The Casbah" by TRUST COMPANY

"Take This Breath" by DEAD POETIC

"Live And Learn" by NURAL

Not having them on there is like leaving for vacation and forgetting one of your kids at home.  Goddam travesty.  If you click the songs above they'll like to my post of them but that won't get them on the iTunes soundtrack.  Balls across the nose! 

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Anyway, here's soundtrack #2.  Just click one of the songs and it will open up the audio goodness in your iTunes player.  

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TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 7

Whoa.  Apologies up front Bitches.  I was out of town for a few days helping to catch that nutty fucker who was breaking into people's homes, rubbing spices on them, and beating them with a sausage.  Sick bastard.  But I'm back!  And I wanted to return to the video series "Freedom To Fascism," which looks at the legality of the Federal Income Tax.  My past posts on it are here but the video links are no longer working so truck on over to YouTube for the rest of them.  

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In this segment the Producer/Narrator Aaron Russo interviews my man Ron Paul and explains why you can't buy shit any more without giving up half a testicle as collateral.  ... What?  I only actually did that one time and it was with a Jamaican voodoo doctor who said he'd make my pecker "long like river."  Pfft... shit... he can have one of my nuts.  They're HUGE anyway.  I'm all balls; with a pinch of choad thrown in for embarrassments sake.  Uh... yeah... anyway... taxes...

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

It's the ass end of a long week here.  Let's pull puds, drink suds, and jam with some buds.

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The babe: Alexia Lei.  She's a 27 year old model born in Washington state.  Basically a nobody right now.  But a hot nobody.  I just want her to know that if she wants to make something of her life and be a somebody she needs to remember two things: 1) Lord loves a workin' man 2) Don't trust whitey.  She follows those rules and the rest is gravy.  Gravy I tell ya!  More pics of her here.

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Hold on to your ball bags Bitches because tonight's brew isn't for pussies: Genesee Cream Ale...  The Green Death.  I pictured it in it's can form because I don't think they even bother to bottle it.  The glass rejects the liquid as being foul and impure.  I've had this beer about twice in my life and my sphincter has gone into violent convulsions both times.  It's an ok tasting beer but you will pay a price the next morning in the form of violent Hershey squirts.  I rate this beer as a 'do not want.'  Beer Advocate rates it a C... mediocre.  If you hate your anus then, go ahead, pour yourself a glass.

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The band: Atomship.  The tune: Friends.  A progressive rock band from Mississippi.  I like this band.  Mainly because they're totally into UFO's and extra-terrestrials.  There's nothing like talking about paranormal shit with some southern rockers.  I mean, the best day in the history of my life involved a pound of hash, the band 38 Special, and an afternoon in Roswell, New Mexico.  Magic.  Just magic.

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CHOKING THE HELL OUT OF THAT CHICKEN... AND A HOT CHICK.

I'm exhausted.  This whole 'getting up and going to work' thing is pretty tedious.  But a nice stress reliever is choking your chicken followed by some silent weeping into a pillow.  Sometimes, when I get a hankering for a particular porn-star, it can be difficult to find a video of them.  That's where StrokeSearch.net comes in.  Just type out the name of your favorite whore and all the videos of her will come up - ready for your viewing... er... pleasure.  A helpful little tip if you're having trouble is to type in "Peter North."  He's pretty much boned every single woman in the porn industry and a few who didn't even know they were into porn until they were drowning in his monster money-shot.  Seriously, what the hell does that guy do to produce a pint of semen every time he blasts one?  I haven't seen that much jizz since that witch doctor blessed me by hitting me in the head with a live chicken after I'd made the rains come.  Oh, here's your hot babe to get you all sauced up for your stroke search.  Stay strong.

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MARBLES HOSGROVE.

There are a lot of reasons I'm going to hell.  Too many to really list here.  But one of those reasons is that I think retarded people are hilariously entertaining.  And not in a "laughing with you" sort of way.  They're in the same category as reefer addicts: pure joy wrapped in dumb looks and B.O.  So when I saw this short video of a special young woman by the name of Marbles; it felt like I was running through fields of hashish and joy in a slow motion carousel, and falling into the arms of a big, warbley-eyed window licker bearing armfuls of tacos and bongs.  Technically, I don't think she's retarded but autistic... hell, I don't even think she's a real person but an ingenious character actress.  Whatever the case is, Marbles is the sh*t - with a capital "S".  In fact, she's the newest addition to the list of people I'm going to recruit for my team of crime fighters.  Her special power?  Snacking.  

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Here's a video where she expounds on the dangers of E. Coli.  Watch.  Watch and grow awesome you sonsabitches.

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PS - How friggin' awesome would it be to have Marbles and Bob in the same room?

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BLOXORZ ... IT WILL SMOKE YOUR BALLS

Howdy Bitches.  Sorry I didn't get to do a post yesterday... but I was working for Labor Day. I went south of the border with my buddy Carlos to milk a cow and pick up massive amounts of marajuana.  I need it to treat my back pain... well... I technically don't have any back pain yet but I thought I'd be proactive.  

Hey, can someone explain to me why the F we take a day off to celebrate work?  I think it has something to do with Unions.  If you really want to get the full poop on Labor Day you can check out this video.  Otherwise, pack your pipe with this little addictive game and prepare to have your balls smoked.  Stay strong.

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Play Games at AddictingGames

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