Monday, August 25, 2008


Shazam!  Tonight we're talking energy.  I've done extensive "research" on how to super-power your mind and energy levels on little to no sleep.  I've sampled a million energy drinks, popped some funky looking pills, paid chemists to strong-arm some industry insiders, and even once had chicken feathers rubbed all up in my crotch-al region (that didn't give me a lot of energy but some other weird stuff happened).  Anyway, I've boiled mental and physical energy down to a few ingredients that you can buy and mix yourselves - they'll work better than any energy drink on the market and save you a ton of money.  I'll even tell you how to best mix the s*it for the best taste.  Goddam I must love you maniacs.

**NOTE** All dosages below (mg) are to be used in 1 drink.  And DO NOT drink more than 1x/day MAXIMUM... unless you like emergency rooms.

1.  Start with CAFFEINE.  The MAIN ingredient.  No matter what the beverage companies tell you, caffeine is the main ingredient that gives you a physical energy kick.  A lot of the other ingredients are just marketing.  Maximum amount of caffeine per beverage is 400mg.  Any more than that and you're heading for a nice cardiac arrhythmia.

2.  The supporting cast:
TAURINE - improves your mental processing - 800mg max.

B-COMPLEX VITAMINS - you can buy this in a powdered form.  Take the recommended dosage for each drink mix.  Supports a gazillion brain functions.

GINSENG - an oldie but a goodie.  Buy the high quality powdered with 80% ginsenosides.  Shit reduces fatigue and improves abstract thinking - 200mg

VINPOCETINE - viagara for the brain... do I need to say more? - 10mg

CREATINE - yeah, creatine.  Increases blood flow to your muscles AND your noggin.  - 500mg max.
3.  Mix any of the following juices together in a large plastic cup: acai, pomegranate, blueberries, bananas.  All support brain function and/or have a TON of antioxidants.  Then put in about 1/2 cup of ice.  Throw in the caffeine and other ingredients.  Mix with one of these nifty hand mixers.
Viola!  There you have it - the most smoke-assin' energy drink you'll ever have.  I'd start with lower amounts of all the ingredients above to get your body used to them; and play around with the amounts to see what works best.  You can get almost all the ingredients pretty cheaply online at Bulk Nutrition.  And if you really want to go over the top, buy some fish oil supplements to take along with it.  Fish oil jacks up blood flow to the brain and brain function overall - but can't be mixed.  Disclaimer: don't expect this whole concoction to taste like Red Bull.  It's going to taste ok at best but it'll be the most effective energy drink you've ever had.
So that's it kids.  Remember to be careful with this stuff.  I mean, it is your brain you're messing around with for chrissakes.  Ok, stay strong.

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