Friday, October 31, 2008

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Happy Halloween you maniacs.  Trick or tits.
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This is Alexis Lopez.  She's your standard, basic 20-something model who probably likes kittens and world peace - in that order.  The bummer about this chick is that she won't do any nude modeling.  What the fuck is that all about?!?  A little advice for Ms. Lopez from a crafty veteran of romance and moose knuckling (look it up): if you want to make it in this business you're gonna have to flash a little dick mitten now and then.  I'm just sayin'.  More non-nude pics of her here.
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Even though it's late fall I decided to take a chance and sneak a few summertime beers down my gullet in the form of Corona Light.  That's right... I take chances for you fuckers.  And, I gotta say, I thought it was great.  It's not a real flavorful beer but it was clean and crisp and actually tasted like steak it was so good.  Now here comes the weird part.  Beer Advocate rates this beer an "F" ... avoid.  I'm getting the feeling that BA employs a bunch of snooty dicks.
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Tune tonight is from this band, Depswa.  They're an alt. metal band out of California.  I think their career peaked back in '03 when they performed at Ozzfest.  Someone should tell them they aren't going anywhere with the singer from Smashing Pumpkins.  Really man... who are they trying to fool?  Anyway, here's their righteous tunage, "Two Angels And A Dream."   





That's the end of the road for this little journey.  Time to go put some brother's in check.  Stay strong.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

THE BAILOUT SCAM, MCCAIN'S PIMP HAND, AND EPIC PORN

Kind of a mixed bag of topics tonight because I'm in a weird mood. Let's just say my day started with me jerking off in front of a window like a goddam monkey.  It was downhill from there.  So let's get on with the random-ness.

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Hey, remember that pesky little $820 BILLION "bail out" we had awhile back?  Yeah?  Well, turns out the banks that are getting the money - and who are supposed to be using it to give loans to people - are using it to acquire other banks instead.  NYT article here.  Sounds like this bail out was the same as giving $20 to your 16 year old daughter on Friday night and telling her to save it for college.  These kind of stories make me glad I never went to prison - I hate getting f-ed in the A.
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McCain is having some Palin problems.  Bitch flipped the script! 


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And just to chill shit out after some finance and politics I thought we'd go to the porn.  In this film, "My Sister's Hot Friend," I don't think the "hot friend" is using the 'hard to get' approach - a mating strategy I've had a lot of experience with.  I'm not going to go into all the subtleties of getting past it; but lets just say you can avoid a lot of the flirty little kicks to the groin and screams of Bug off you fucking creep! with a gentlemanly tip o' the cap and the introduction of yourself as Lord Throbbington IV. Ta for now Chaps.  


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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

HOW MANY MILES PER GALLON DOES YOUR BODY GET?

If it wasn't for random bullshit and porn I don't think the internet would exist.  And that means WTCCTR wouldn't exist either.  I know.  I know.  It's almost impossible to comprehend the utter awfulness of it.  Of course, there would be advantages.  I'd have way more time to devote to driving around with my Viet Nam buddies solving crimes.  Wait... that's the A-Team isn't it?  ... Hmmm... I coulda sworn I was the silvery haired ring leader.  Anyway, on to the bullshit!  Featured tonight is a calculator that figures out your miles per gallon.  No, not your car's miles per gallon - YOUR miles per gallon.  In other words, if you drank a gallon of water mixed with liquid food, how far could you walk until you dropped dead.  At the end you're given your own personal miles per gallon which is then translated into what kind of car you would be.  What kind of car was I?  Let's just say you couldn't afford me (hint: if you put a monster cock on a Bugatti you'd be close).



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Sunday, October 26, 2008

SUNDAY POO

Ok, so I've been accused of having some kind of a fascination with poo.  I think it's time I set the record straight.  I really don't like crap, shit, or any other kind of stuff exiting the anal region.  Do not want.  Ok.  Now that  we're clear on that I'll contradict myself and say that I think the whole "bathroom humor" thing is hilarious.  If someone shits their pants in front of me well, that's my entertainment for the week.  So when I ran across tonight's featured site it was like the clouds parted and a little poop-Jesus said, Bring forth the feces my Son.  Sprinkle brigade is a group of guys with a lot of free time on their hands trekking around town, decorating dog shit, and taking pictures of it.  There.  Hours of entertainment on a Sunday night.  You're welcome.  Stay strong.



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Saturday, October 25, 2008

THE PALIN PORNO.

Howdy ho you magnificent bastards!  Welcome to Saturday.  Weekends in the WTCCTR universe are usually filled with espionage, bedding leggy European attaches, and otherwise fighting for justice with two fists and a monster wang.  Or it involves cruising the internet in my boxer shorts while eating soft pretzels and drinking cheap vodka.  Kinda depends on what mood I'm in. 

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This weekend I was feeling pretty brainy so I got all wrapped up in politics.  I mean, I've been watching these political videos all day.  Like the one below: a Hustler re-enactment of Gov. Palin's diplomacy skills with the Russians.  Palin is being played by the acclaimed Lisa Ann.  You may recognize her from her other cinematic sylings such as "Never Ending MILFs" or "Hit That Ole Bitch."  There's a little room in my heart where the name Lisa Ann echos back "cinema gold."  Click HERE to see the clip.  Stay strong.


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Friday, October 24, 2008

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Another week skids to a halt.  Let's break out the tits!
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One of my buddies was pointing out that I never post a blond for the "babe" portion of Friday's festivities here at WTCCTR.  So, ok, tonight I'm going blond.  (This one's for you Jbird)  The flaxen-haired strumpet is Tina Cutrone.  She is 20 years old and from Florida.  I suppose her claim to fame is having been in Playboy's All Naturals.  She likes to skydive and wants to save baby seals.  The skydiving thing is cool, if she does it naked with a double-headed dong, but saving baby seals?  I guess that's why I don't often feature blonds - they're so fucking... blond.  Anyway, see way more of her here.
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Beer on tap is Budweiser American Ale.  I think it's ironic that Budweiser is no longer even an American owned brewery when they come out with an "American" ale brewed from the finest ingredients found here in the good old USA.  It gives me the feeling that they're jerking me around by packaging up patriotism and selling it to me.  So I guess I was going in to this beer with bad feelings.  As for the beer, it was good... for Budweiser.  A warm Sam Adams sitting in the trunk of my car for two weeks in August has better flavor than the best Bud has to offer.  That being said, I'd drink Bud's American Ale again if it was a choice between that and a homeless guy's piss, and someone had just jammed a turd in my mouth.  Beer Advocate rates it a B- ... "worthy"  Uh huh.
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I think I'm involved in some kind of secret cult and I don't even know it.  The reason being that most of the bands I've been featuring lately have been Christian rock bands, and I really don't know why.  My only explanation is that they write some catchy shit and I'm all up in the catchy shit.  I dunno.  Anyway, this band is Falling Up.  They describe their music as "pash rock" which is a mix between "power pop" and "alternative metal."  All of that is extremely fucking gay if you ask me.  But catchy.  I'll promise to try and bounce back from this week's musical selection but for now here's "Symmetry" by Falling Up.  Ok... stay strong... for Jesus.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

SKYNET IS COMING.

In the not too distant future we'll be lying in our grubby concrete underground bunkers, choking on our own BO from not having had running water for like 700 billion months; and will look back on this period of time and say this was when it all started.  It clicked into place for me today when I saw this article in which the US military is developing agile robots to track "uncooperative humans."  And if that doesn't make a little ass nugget plop into your frosty white fruit 'o the looms check out the video below, which shows the fucking robots that are going to have the 50-caliber rifles strapped to their backs telling you to comply.

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Yeah, I know.  That's some serious shit right there.  Now combine that story with this one which reports US troops being deployed in US cities for "crowd control" as of October 1st.  Two plus two equals the end is extremely fucking nigh.  And that's bad news for us cowards.  Plus, I don't want to live in an underground bunker and smell my own BO... or other peoples' nasty foot odor.  And don't even get me started on the fart issue.  Let's face it - a robot revolution would suck balls, big time.  No digital cable or internet or coffee or dental floss.  Nah.  Nope.  I'm out.  Do not want.  I wonder if those maniac robot dogs could be taught to heel and fetch?  I think I've got some fucking Snausages around here somewhere.  Stay strong.

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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

GUNS 'N ROSES GOES GHETTO.


Well, Guns 'N Roses finally released the new single off their long awaited album "Chinese Democracy."  I was never a huge GNR fan but this new tune is pretty cool.  It wasn't worth waiting 15 years for...  but whatever.  What do I know, right?  I only practically invented rock and roll when I told Robert Plant to grow a pair of nuts and stop singing those goddam Broadway show tunes.  It was around that same time I told one "James" Hendrix to ditch the accordion and never wear a sweater vest again.  Yeah, but what do I know Axl... you fuck.
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And, I don't know about you, but I love me some ghetto when I listen to GNR.  Here's the plan: you play the new Guns tune then scroll down and enjoy all the fresh ghetto-ness.  Mmm... two great tastes that go great together.  I'll apologize in advance for so many ghetto pictures but they're like potato chips for me.  Once I have one I just can't stop.  Jiminy Cricket!
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Pregnant at the prom.  Dreams do come true kids.

Not pregnant, yet still ghetto-fabulous.

I hate the Tigers.

Ghetto baby shower.

Ever feel like a kid in a candy store?

Ghetto-alien?  I'm going with ghetto-tard.  The hat is a dead giveaway.

I just threw up in my mouth.

Mmm... someone pinch me.

Someone's ready for a flood.

Oh the horror... the horror.

I'll bet you a million dollars there's a gold Egyptian pyramid emblazoned on the back of that robe.

Class with a capital "K"
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Still haven't had enough ghetto goodness?  Just go here you skeezer.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

TIPS TO HANDLE STRESS

Howdy ho bitches.  I don't know about you but it's been one hell of a week so far.  I mean, regular everyday life is stressful enough but when you add in having to bed the local young maidens and be a moral compass for the youth of the community... shit... it gets downright exhausting.  So here's a sign I found that gives a few handy tips on how to handle stress:


They are obviously ranked in no particular order because if they were ranked say, oh, in order of effectiveness - then masturbation would be ranked number one, with everything else a way distant second.  And I'll sometimes combine a few of those suggestions to multiply the stress relieving effects.  For example, asking for help to masturbate is a great way to blow off steam.  Or, doing yoga while masturbating is also a huge help.  Then there's masturbating while petting an animal.  ... Well, you get the idea.  Stay strong... and masturbate.

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Saturday, October 18, 2008

THE UN-EDITED PALIN/COURIC INTERVIEW.

I think everyone and their mother saw the Sarah Palin interviews with Katie Couric.  There was some controversy that CBS edited some of those interviews to cut out the parts embarrassing to Gov. Palin.  If they did have this deal, boy did they do a shitty job.  BUT, once again, I got your backs' bitches.  I found one of the un-edited interview clips.  It's just as I suspected too: embarrassing to the Governor.  And hilarious.  And bone crunching.  The un-edited part comes in at about 0:45.  Stay strong.

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Friday, October 17, 2008

FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Sweet Mother Mary and the ace of spades... it's Friday!
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Babe tonight is a repeat.  Yup.  I featured her before here.  I had to go back a second time because... well... if you can't figure it out you'll need to turn in your sorry excuse for a penis to the office of man enforcement.  Anyway, her name is Melissa Marie and, other than having a monster rack, there isn't much more to be known about her.  And when you get right down to it, do we really want to know more about her?  Uh.. no.  Unless she shoots beer out of her breasts and can crap gold nuggets it's probably annoying stuff anyway.  More pics of her here.
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I don't like it any more than you do but winter is fast approaching.  We'll be ass deep in that fetid white frozen aggrivation called snow before you know it.  So it's in that spirit that I looked at Sam Adams Winter Lager this week and said to myself, 'Hey Bud, let's party!'  I like all the Sam beers and this is no exception.  It's a nice dark, spicy brew that'll put a chill in your nuts and a song in your heart.  And Beer Advocate agrees by giving it a B rating ... "good."  Alright.  So let's rock on.
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Tune tonight is "Going Down On It" by Hot Action Cop.  I know, they look like a bunch of fucking dweebs.  Yeah, you know at least one (or all) of them pick their noses and eat the boogers.  But they have a massive amount of awesome tunes, if you're into the whole rock/funk fusion thing.  Which I am.  I have to be.  The sheer density of rhythm packed into my body requires that I get the funk out and rock 'da house on a regular basis.  I'm good like that.  Stay funky bitchs.
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Thursday, October 16, 2008

RON PAUL'S REVOLUTION ISN'T POLITICAL IT'S...

Schiff-er-riffic!  As in Peter Schiff.  As in financial.  Schiff is Ron Paul's financial guru and they've been screaming for us to watch out for this mess we're now in for years.  Schiff even wrote a book entitled, "Crash Proof: How To Profit From The Coming Economic Collapse"  back in February 2007.  And in the following clip he's forecasting our current shit storm... oh yeah, this interview was done TWO YEARS AGO!

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And here's the Schiffer from just a few days ago basically telling everyone to take their money and run like hell.


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Ok, so that was about as relaxing as a prostate exam.  But don't worry you nutty bastards because coming up tomorrow: Babe, Beer, and a Tune.  Get ready for some additional inflation... in your pants!


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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

POVERTY SUCKS.

Today is blog action day, which means everyone who writes a blog is supposed to cover a predetermined topic.  The topic for today's BAD is poverty.  So here's my two cents on poverty: it sucks ass.  Poverty equals no cable tv, crappy food, a shitty car, no cell phone minutes, uncomfortable mattresses, ugly dates, and stale beers.  But it's not so bad if you have a giant horn hanging off the front of your crotchal region and have the rugged good looks of a fighter pilot.  Seriously, a monster wang makes up for a lot with the ladies.  Anyway, back to poverty.  As a tribute to poverty I'm posting the next installment of the documentary, Freedom To Fascism - about that filthy whore called the Federal income tax.  Stay strong.

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PS - Previous posts on it here.

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

NEW AC/DC SINGLE - ROCK 'N ROLL TRAIN.

Hey, how do you know when a rock band is awesome?  When they fucking rock for 35 fucking years, that's how.  Oh, and when one of their founding members is named after a steak and wears little schoolboy outfits.  Myself, I've only been rocking the masses with my electric kazoo and monster wang for about 30 years, so I haven't reached "rock legend" status yet.  I guess I'll be living off the coke and groupies until then.  In the meantime, AC/DC will be sticking a brand new album right up your ass on October 20th - just 6 days!!   I mean, christ-a-gogo... there hasn't been a decent rock and roll album since they released their last album in 2000.  So here's the first single off the new album entitled "Rock 'n Roll Train."  Stay strong.

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Monday, October 13, 2008

YOU WANNA BE PRESIDENT?

You know that old expression, "If you want something done right, do it yourself?"  Well, I'm thinking that goes for politics just as much as it goes for wagging Elvis.  So here's a nifty little program to get your campaign started.  I've already thrown my hat into the ring and am running on a platform of unfettered public masturbation and a shorter work week - in that order.  May the best man win bitches.  Game on.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

WHAT THE F*CK ARE THESE GUYS SMILING ABOUT?!?

Ready for another week?  After two days off, my credit card has smoke coming off of it and my nipples are killing me... so I'm glad to get out of this weekend without an STD or appearing before a judge.  And it turns out I wasn't the only one who had a good weekend.  I found this picture of Bush, Paulson, and Bernanke at a IMF meeting held on Saturday.  They appeared to be yuk-ing it up despite sitting at the epicenter of the collapse of the US economy.  Seriously, what the fuck is so fucking funny at a International Money Fund meeting held on a fucking weekend?!?!  If I had anything remotely to do with the financial meltdown that's occurring I'd be wearing a black veil and kneading my nuts with a pair of vice grips - just to have some kind of empathy with all the retiree's who's IRA's I just destroyed.  But instead of having any sort of decorum these dudes are jerking each other off in front of the world in an AP photo because they just pulled off the greatest heist in the history of mankind.  If there's any divine justice or karma or whatever these three douche bags will be stuffed up each other's respective assholes for all of eternity in a hot pit of baby tears and razor blades.
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I'm sorry to keep posting about this topic but when someone is fucking you in the ass it's pretty much impossible to talk about other issues.  Uhhh... at least that's what I've been told... ok, bad analogy.  But you know what I mean... right? ... Ah.. fuck it.  Anyway, here's the pic and caption from the news source.  Stay liquid fuckers.
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President Bush, right, smiles during the G20 ministerial meeting at the International Monetary Fund Saturday, Oct. 11, 2008 in Washington. From left, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, and Bush. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
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Saturday, October 11, 2008

FOUR RANDOM PICS THAT BEEFED MY JERKY.

Happy Saturday Bitches.  Here are four random pictures I found that made me pause and think, 'Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a kid.'
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ANOTHER reason to fucking hate fucking clowns.
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Jedi squirrles.  This pic is solely responsible for sending me back into therapy.
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Image of a piece of toast on Jesus.  Where is your God now?
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A picture of my therapist.  Stay by the phone Phil.

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