Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I thought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was something I had down pat. I mean, we've firmly established that I'm no rocket scientist but making a pb&j sandwich is right above breathing and heart rate on the old brainstem, right? Well, I guess not. Tonight I'm posting a diagram/guide to make the most ultimate, nut-stuffin' pb&j this side of your mother. All I have to say is: who knew? Who f*cking knew...? Goddam peanut butter and jelly...

(click image for larger view)

Monday, August 24, 2009


Whoa. It's been awhile. Sorry about that. I think I got some bad moonshine because the last thing I remember is visiting my buddy Larry at his cabin in the woods and helping him with his still. I came to yesterday afternoon half lying in a stream, naked from the waist down, and missing a pinky toe. Needless to say, trying to get a ride back home was a nightmare. But I'm back baby! So, tonight's post has to do with Twitter. I'm just old enough to have that 'get off my lawn!' feeling about Twitter - it seems like a snotty young kid who doesn't make any goddam sense. But I ran across this guy's twitter page where he just writes down awesome shit his 73 year-old father says. I've read them all and -yes - they are awesome. My favorite so far?

Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices. Jesus
Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs.
Dash isn't even real dammit!

Check out "shit my dad says" here. And if any of you run across a really f*cking handsome pinky toe, please contact me immediately. Stay spicy!

Technorati Tags: twitter, still, shit, my, dad, says, fat people, single payer, alcoholism, palin, olberman, atm machine

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009


If you've turned on the tv at all in the last month you've seen someone talking about health care. Town halls, armed people, yelling, socialism... I've even heard the labels "nazi" and "Hitler" thrown around. Ok. Now I'm not sure what the answer to the whole health care debacle is but I am sure that I'm not a rocket scientist. So all this yelling and screaming combined with cable news talking heads telling me what should happen has only made me more confused. But I've managed to cobble together a few thoughts after listening to the cacophony coming out of my television:
* health care is a limited resource. So, the question is: how should it be distributed?
* people equate health care reform with them losing access to their doctor
* Americans think we have the best health care in the world (actually we're 37th)
* using the word "socialism" is the same as telling someone a "Yo mamma is so fat..." joke
* bringing a loaded weapon to a town hall debate is like hooking electrodes to your bosses' testicles before having your yearly performance review
Like I said, I'm confused. But there was a guy on tv today who presented an argument on why health care should be 100% run by the government. And, I gotta say, he had some pretty good points. Yup. That's right. Socialism. One hundred percent government run... just like our banks and car companies. Stay strong... and healthy. (PS - I'll warn everyone right now, the video is 10 minutes long. But it's still pretty motherfuc*ing interesting).

Technorati Tags: health care, public option, private option, obamacare, town hall, debate, crapulosity, socialism, public option

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Friday, August 14, 2009


Frank Sinatra was The Man. He lived life on his terms: hard partying, womanizing, traveling, famous, rich, and unapologetic. So, in honor of this awesome cat, I'm officially naming today - August 14th - as Frank Sinatra day in the WTCCTR Universe. Put some Old Blue Eyes on the hi-fi, mix a mad vodka martini, and take a few tokes on a cigar the size of a stovepipe. Or, better yet, do it YOUR way. Stay awesome.


Monday, August 10, 2009


I've been building my own ninja army for years now. But it's a slow, tedious process because... well... there just aren't that many ninjas bouncing around any more. Or, maybe there are a ton of them, and I just don't know about them because they're frigging ninjas; and you can't see the crazy bastards. Either way, I'm getting a little desperate. I mean, look at some of the applicant pool. Jesus Christ man.

Technorati Tags: ninja, army, fighting, combat, martial, arts, mma, kick ass, health care

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Thursday, August 6, 2009


I'm a big fan of ebonics. A few years ago a few progressive minds in our country were trying to get it recognized as an actual language (uh... like the kinds that are traditionally taught in school). Personally I was all for it. Unfortunately, it never really took off; and has since kind of faded into the background of our daily national din. But I'm a trail blazer and I don't want to see this unique form of expression fade into obscurity. So, tonight, I'm being the tip of the spear, and am presenting two instructional videos. The first is a primer (if you will) in this rich form of expression. The second is a master linguist practicing his craft. Enjoy this my wack lil hens.

Technorati Tags: ebonics, primer, linguistics, spork fish

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009


I try not to get too political on this site, mainly because talking politics is like throwing your feces all over you and the people around you - no one really wins ... and everyone smells like shit afterwards. But I'm gonna dip a toe in the water tonight... or fling a dingleberry... or whatever goddam metaphor smokes your balls. All I've heard about lately is health care, health care reform, socialism, cost, how are we going to pay for it, bureaucracy, blah, blah, blah, pfft. Despite this, however, I haven't really thought much about all this health care foshnoozle. That is, until I saw these numbers (below) ticking off. It's the current cost of the Iraq war. Now, I don't pretend to know what the answer to the health care issue. But I do know, that all that cash being pissed away before your very eyes below sure could pay for a lot of pap smears and prostate exams. Capishe?

Technorati Tags: healthcare, cost, of, war, in, iraq, health reform, pap smear, prostate exam, reform, mother fancies

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Saturday, August 1, 2009


Flying in a post-9/11 world has become serious business. It's a little scary without having to worry about the guy next to you throwing matches at his shoes. But sometimes you have to try and break some of that tension, and what better way than with some humor. So today's post is for all you frequent fliers. After you get seated and comfortable, after you get your instructions on how to use your seat as a flotation device, after you're airborne and have your little pack of peanuts - give a wink and a smile to the person on your left and on your right, open up your laptop, and click the link below. Oh, and be sure the volume is turned up. By the time the pilot sets that plane down you'll all be belly laughing and back slapping because of your clever little joke... if the plane isn't put into an emergency landing at a diversion airport and you're not immediately taken into custody by the FBI, that is. That would kinda put a damper on all the yuk-yuks. Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: airline, 9/11, fbi, emergency landing, humor, cash, boobs, tune in tokyo

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