THAT'S JUST F-ING GREAT

WHOA, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE...???

Two weeks. That's how long it's been since my last entry. Now, I'm sure most of you have been worried sick as to my whereabouts and well-being; but, as usual, I can't get into specifics. I can report that the oil leak in the Gulf will soon be completely under control; and that China's recent support of European currency will continue to have a soothing effect on world markets. Now, on to more important issues. The last few weeks on these here intertubes have yielded a wealth of information ranging from the smoking habits of toddlers to fun new sex positions. I'm sure those two things are related somehow but I'm so high right now I can't figure it out.... little help.... little help..

Weekend's here - freak her shit out with the Pterodactyl

I'm sure this will have zero negative effect on cognitive development

I'm white and this sounds 1000% right to me

Discount drugs. Yes.

A little tip for BP

Awesome animation

Someone clone this dude because we need him in every elected position ever invented

Expand your motherf*cking mind Craphead

POTPOURRI FROM HELL

In the last few days I've collected a bunch of random crap that could all be their own post; but instead of stringing you bitches along I thought I'd just say 'f*ck it' and put them all up at once. Just to make it frigging fun, I'm going to be a little vague with labeling them. My clever innuendo and deft wit-ittude should make it way more fun and enjoyable. I'm so excited I'm in the process of crapping my pants.

Lady Gaga can suck it.

This is so fucked up it's cool.

Something for the ladies.

The next candidate to be drafted into my ninja army.

I fancy myself a "leg up" man. And you?

Pure awesomeness.

PS - Meat Loaf has a new album out this week called "Hang Cool Teddy Bear." Long live the Loaf.

FIRST SANTA CLAUS, NOW THIS...

Remember how it was to find out that Santa Claus isn't real. Well, get ready for deja-vu Bitches...

THE COOLEST GUYS IN THE WORLD

At any given time, I'm usually considered one of the coolest people in the immediate - if not extended - area. A few years ago there was a rare occasion where my karate wasn't the strongest around. It happened when... well... let's just say burritos and hot tubs don't mix. But that was like 15 years ago. Anyway, I ran across this video a few days ago which has some dudes being way cooler than I've been recently. And since it's captured on tape I guess I'm permanently #2 cool. These guys are now the official "coolest guys in the world." That's only until someone else does something even cooler and puts it on video. I'm not a big fan of being videotaped myself (I'm like the Indians and am pretty sure that shit steals your soul). BUT, I don't think these characters are going to hold the 'cool guy' title for very long. Why? Well, four words: Larry. King. Is. Single. ... Now what Bitches?

THE RAVEN

Man, is it me or do Sunday's have a tint of melancholy at the end of them; with the big, ugly work week looming just a few hours away. Fortunately, I've come up with a fool-proof formula that helps ease the transition from the sweet, sweet chillaxing that is the weekend to grinding it out for the man for the next five days. First, strip down to your underwear. Then throw on some Eminem. Next, dig into a bag of gummy bears until you're so disgusted that you want to punch yourself in the mouth. ... What does all this have to do with tonight's post? Absolutely nothing. But since I'm the Captain of this little ship I can pretty much do whatever I want. It's kinda like being Jesus except without all the annoying hippies following you around waiting for a hand out or a miracle or some crap like that. Anyway, tonight's feature is a little, independent sci-fi film. I think some studio already picked it up and has paid this random dude like $40 million to stretch it out to ninety minutes... probably in 3D too. It's so exciting it's all I can do to keep from squealing like a 14 year old cheerleader... or something.