The wise sage Whitney Houston once said, "Crack is wack." That kind of sweeping indictment - especially of something that has some obvious social benefits - has never set well with me. First, crack provides cocaine at an affordable price to working-class people. I mean, pure cut cocaine is insanely expensive. Even in our current recession the price is through the roof... uh... from what my friend tells me. Also, it helps curb appetite and promotes better eating habits in the form of smaller portions. Seriously. Who's got time to grocery shop when you're cruising street corners trying to track down a rock. And, lastly, it's a mind expanding drug that helps people see the bigger picture. Take tonight's featured person - Propecia. I'm sure before she started smoking crack that she wasn't very insightful into relationships or giving life advice. But, as you can see from this video, she's obviously been gifted with an amazing insight that's rare in our fast-paced, electronic age. Unfortunately, Proceia is dead now. A sensitive soul too delicate to cope with the cold day-to-day goings on in this topsy-turvy world. RIP crack ho. And stay strong.
Avast yer drubbery and take up dem patches o'eyes and pegs o' legs, and be quickly about it, ye sons of biscuit eaters! Yup, that's right... today is International Talk Like A Pirate day. Bet you didn't have that on your Hanna Montana calendar, did you? It's all about priorities you sqiffy bastards. The best part of Talk Like A Pirate day is that most other people don't know about it; so when you jump out of bed at the crack o' dawn and scream at your wife, "Shiver me timbers Lass! Ye best be gettin' to swabbin' the deck before I keelhaul ye like a scurvy sprog!" she'll be too confused and scared shitless to really be upset at you. Trust me... it's a funny joke. Here are the tools you're gonna need for the day. First, get your pirate name here. For the record, my pirate name is Bloody Tom Flint (which is funny because my real name isn't even close to that). Your pirate vocabulary is here. And you're pirate-y pep talk is here. And, best for last, a hot pirate babe to wet yer whistle on (a TON more HOT pirate babes here):
