Wednesday, July 9, 2008


So I'm at the grocery store today buying cold cuts.  I'm standing there, waiting patiently behind the biggest line of BOCES in the history of cold cuts when the woman two people ahead of me insists on trying a "sample" of each fucking thing she was getting.  I swear to God I was committing mental murder.  Seriously... if you don't know what the fuck salami tastes like by now give it up.  Stop wasting every one's time by pretending to try the meat out - like you might not buy it.  It's not a fine wine for chrissakes.  And then there was the wigger just in front of me who decided to get in a conversation about rival supermarkets' deli departments with the cold cut guy who was working behind the counter.  I.  Shit.  You.  Not.  So picture two deli-dipshits trying to out tough each other while talking (in ebonics) about the bologna slicing techniques at the place across the street.  For those of you playing along at home, that's the maxium amount of douchbaggery you can exude at any one time.  Trust me.
So I get home and immediately try to find out how I can avoid and/or save money at the grocery store.  Unfortunately all that came up were coupon web sites that asked you for your email, phone number, address, and whether or not you've done anal with a prostitue; before linking you up to coupons for Energizer hearing aid batteries and extra-absorbent tampons made out of mow hair or some shit.  If you want to experience the insanity for yourself click here.
Then I click a link on what the world leaders (including good old Georgie W.) are dining on this week while discussing the world's food shortage problem:

Any more irony and my nipples would bleed ketchup.
So, where does that leave us?  What's the moral of the story?  I have no friggin' clue except to say that my deli department can kiss my roast-beefy bung hole; I hope each and every world leader at that conference gets a case of the "goby fish" Hershey squirts; and that masturbation is an awesome stress reliever.  Stay strong Bitches.

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