CRUSH THE CASTLE

I'm not a huge fan of those on-line flash games. They're kind of like electronic masturbation but without the happy ending... and genitals. But I started playing Crush The Castle a few days ago and haven't stopped since. I'm not going to get into explaining it here. It's pretty easy to figure out. Once you take out the first castle it'll be like time travelling: the next time you become self-aware it'll be two days later and you'll be wallowing in a puddle of your own excrement. Yeah, it's that good. Click below for the link. Pip pip cheerio!

CRUSH THE CASTLE

I THOUGHT WE WERE WAY COOLER THAN THIS

One of my biggest pet-peeves is when America looks stupid. But then I watched this video and realized that I'm swimming against the tide big time in wanting Americans to appear smart and sophisticated to the rest of the world. So I'm just gonna kick back with a pork rind and my blue jean cutoffs and breathe deep the sweet musty odor of mediocrity. Join me won't you? By the way, the music for this video is perfect.

SAMBOOOOOO DEE... OK...?

The Dow is over 10000 this week. Gas in Afghanistan is $400 a gallon. People are too f*cked up to buy their sixers. And there's another cool mash-up of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." But that's not what I'm writing about tonight. Nope. I'm writing about a prank call to a Chinese restaurant, because I have no sense of priority whatsoever; and politically incorrect humor is awesome. Oh, that reminds me... did you hear the one about the Muslim terrorist, the gay priest, and the aborted fetus who were protesting for a public health care option...? Nah, me either. But wouldn't it be awesome if there really was a joke that started like that?

AND YOU'RE NEXT KATO...!

Ok, so this video is all over the internet right now. I usually skip the low hanging fruit but it's mildly amusing. The video is a practical joke on a guy where they make it look like everyone in the room is being shot by a sniper. So that's funny right? I guess so... unless you're the guy who looks like he shits his pants about 1000 times. I don't know what all the anxiety is about. I mean, aren't all adult Japanese males ninjas anyway? Karate chop the bullet bro. Sheesh. By the way, I'm still in the process of building my ninja army. If you know any good ones send 'em my way. Hiya!

HOT ELECTRIC TOXICITY

Hot chicks make everything better. Now, combine that with electric instruments and some shredded tunage. That, my friends, is a recipe for awesome. It's not too often that you get all three mixed together. Oh, you might get one or two at a time; but all three at once is a big win. If you want to up the ante with a bare nipple or two, a few whammy bars, and a song about dragons... then I'm in. I'm in in a big big way Buster. Pfft... I just summarized the entire 1980's.

LETS START THE WEEKEND!

Sometimes, the best way to start a weekend is with a popsicle.... a motherfu*king popsicle.

LIGHTSABER VS. SUPERMAN

I fancy myself as being pretty spiffy with this whole Internet thing. I got my finger on it's digital pulse so to speak. So, I can say unequivocally that there hasn't been dick of interest going on in cyberspace lately. I mean, there's the usual fart video, a some free mashed-up tunes, and people being outraged by [insert controversial political issue here]; but nothing unique. Still, I wanted to throw a post against the wall to let you - the WTCCTR Army - know that we still march on. Lack of content will not hold us back. But I gotta post something and all I could find was this crappy article about what would happen if you hit Superman with a light saber. Check out the piece of crap here. Yeah... I know... I got nothin.

HELL'S COMIN' WITH ME!

I was channel surfing tonight when I came across an old flick that probably has the best pwnage scene in modern movie history. The movie is "Tombstone;" and the scene shows Wyatt Earp declaring war on the Cowboy gang - who have just killed his youngest brother. If I live to be a million years old I'll never say anything half as cool as this. I mean, there was that one time I got pissed off at the post office and, while I was yelling at Mr. I-Want-Extra-Postage, I broke out into a mini scat/beatbox interlude - and then went right back into my tirade. That was pretty cool. I think I was channeling Biggie Smalls or some other dead rapper... or I have early onset tourettes syndrome. One of the two... umm... now that I'm thinking COCKHEAD about it, it's probably SHITHEEL the second FISTUALA one. Stay strong ASSHAT brothers.

YOUR FAVORITE CELEBRITY SEX TAPE?

You know, Webster was a great show. It was on from 1983 to 1987 and was just a nice, wholesome sitcom starring Emmanuel Lewis. But it's been over 20 years since the show left the air and some people might wonder, Hmmm... I wonder if Emmanuel Lewis ever ended up doing a sex tape? Well, now you can find out. A site called Dazereader has a page that lists out all the celebrities who may have put out some celluloid of themselves banging their genitals against someone... or something. Unfortunately, it won't link you to the video if they did leak a tape. But that's ok because who really wants to see Mini Me (Verne Troyer) humping on someone? Christ on a cracker... it's like playing Russian Roulette with your libido. No thanks man. But just in case you're feeling lucky, you can check out the site here. And if you want to get that Mini Me image out of your head, here's a short clip of Jessica Simpson in a bikini. OH, but before I forget, we have a winner for the best news headline of 2009: Ted Willaims frozen head was placed on an empty tuna can and beaten with a monkey wrench at a cryogenics lab. Yeah. Really. ... And now, on to the bikini!