THANKS!

So remember that call to arms I put out on Tuesday asking people to recommend WTCCTR to some friends...? Well, you f*ckers really came through! On Wednesday we had over three hundred visitors for the day; and we've had over a hundred each day after that. Which is awesome. I actually started to tear up this afternoon when I was looking at the numbers. Not really out of joy but more because I've still only made $14.23. But, hey, you guys are getting the word out and it really gives me a warm, swollen feeling in my penile region. Truly. To celebrate our success I'm going to give you guys a gift... the gift of knowledge. Below the picture of the hot chick is a link to a quiz which will tell you how many baboons you could take in a fight armed only with a giant dildo. I scored a 30. I think if I had the black dildo I woulda done way better. Stay strong.

How many baboons can you kill using a giant dildo?

WANNA GO TO WAR WITH A NAKED CANNIBAL?

I bet you'd never guess by looking at Miss Liberia (pictured on left) what kind of country she's representing. I mean, really, who's ever even heard of Liberia; much less knows anything about it. But, basically, it's a little country on the west coast of Africa with a population of about three million people. Ok. Great... So what Mr. Funny Chicken Man? Well, some guys with a camera crew heard wacky little stories about what goes on there and ended up going over to check it out. I don't know about you but I'll end up wanting to go somewhere after hearing about what great beaches it has, or how friendly the natives are, or the deftness with which they massage your balls. The guys who went to Liberia heard stories about a country with no power grid, a corrupt dictator suffering from agoraphobia; and where murderous tribes - led by guys with names like General Butt-Naked (I'm not kidding) run roughshod over the countryside killing people and eating them. Oh, and I almost forgot: 70% of the female population have been raped; young children are used as human sacrifices and then have their organs eaten; AIDS and malaria get passed around like a bad joke; and there's no plumbing. That plumbing thing there is just the cherry on top because people in Liberia use the beach as a toilet. Yup. Finding some space to set up those surf chairs and have junior make a sand castle... damn near impossible. Unless you don't mind other people's shit. ... So there's eight short videos of their trip. I posted the first one below, just to get you started. I don't have time to put up the rest. I gotta get on the horn with my travel agent immediately and lock in some rates. Stay strong.

CALLLING ALL CHICKENS

Remember when you were a kid, and if you got caught doing something wrong; you wouldn't get in as much trouble in a group than if you did it alone? I do. That's why WTCCTR is asking for your help to grow our ranks. If you like this site's sublime ability to dip our toe into the more dynamic aspects of social analysis, righteous babes, humor, and cash money baby; then please recommend us to just one of your friends. Everyone who does will have my sincere thanks and help move us along to doubling - maybe even tripling - the cash this site has generated so far. As of this morning that total was a respectable $14.23. We make it to $28.46 and everyone get's a piece of the action! ... Actually, I'll probably just end up keeping it for myself. But I'll be thinking about all of you. And that's even better because who wants to handle all that dirty money. It's ca-ca paper. Ptooey!

VAN HALEN AND A HOT CHICK

Whoa. So surfin' the internets this week looking for something interesting has been about as successful as cruising the local bingo parlors looking for good sphincter control. Then, yesterday, we get hit with a spiffy supreme court decision that lets corporations sponsor their favorite politicians; which isn't really a change from the way things already work except, now, they can F you in the A in broad daylight. I mean, we've all had an ex-girlfriend slit our tires; but it's usually at night. It's kinda balls-ey for her to carve up your Goodyears while you're actually standing in the driveway holding a limp Eggo and your favorite Crystal Gale cd. ... You know what I'm saying. Anyway, the point is: it's time to lighten the mood a little. Let's get this weekend started right with a classic little Van Halen tune covered in Diamond Dave's crazy Jewish chest hair; and a righteous hot chick that'll have you tuggin' at the old trouser taffy faster than you can say, 'I know why *this* chicken is crossing the road...!' Stay strong.

~~

DEATH METAL ROOSTER.

The utter and complete awesomeness of this has me at a total loss for words.

UH OH.

Dammit! The goddam SpaghettiO's guy is freakin' dead! Man! That a big crap stain for the start of 2010. There are few things in life that are non-offensive to everyone and have a universal appeal. And SpaghettiO's was one of those things. I mean, they're like puppies and free money. Who wouldn't be down for a bowl of those fun little processed treats at any given time? I'm freaking overcome with grief right now. I don't think I can even finish this post. Seriously dudes. What are we supposed to do now?

MY SONG

Remember Alice In Chains? By most accounts they were a pretty awesome band that kinda smoked everyone's ass in the 1990's. Then, in 2002, their lead singer, Layne Stanley, took enough heroin to topple a rhinoceros and died. As it turns out, he wasn't the only talented one in the group. The other guy who started AIC with him was the real brains behind the operation. His name is Jerry Cantrell and he's talented as hell - but has no clue as to how to be a rock star. I mean, he doesn't even drink. Criminey Jerry! ... that ain't no way to be playin no rock music. Even when I was lead ukulele for The Hum-dingers we'd go out after a show, down a bottle of Robitussin and get our balls waxed. You can't get much more rock and roll than that. Anyway, after Layne offed himself Jerry came out with a few solo albums that were pretty much ignored. I'm going to try and rectum that tonight by putting up a nifty little tunage off his debut solo album Boggy Depot called "My Song." So pour yourself a drink and enjoy! ... (that goes for you too Jerry).

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE

I know I don't really come across as a self-help kind of guy but I'm all for self-improvement. I wish more people were into improving themselves; especially since a solid 72% of people are massive f-holes. Seriously. That's a real statistic from Psychology Today or Popular Mechanics or something. The only problem with that self-help stuff is all the warm and fuzzy crap you have to wade through to get to the real information. Foreplay like that is annoying. Just gimme the money shot Deepak Chopra, you zany bastard. But tonight's post is cool because it avoids all that and get's right to it. So, if you're a man, and you're into the whole being happy thing; here are five things you can do to suck the joy. Yeah, suckin' the joy...

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

Signed,

Tiger Woods

NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTIONS

In yesterday's post I'd started my list of New Year's resolutions. Well, tonight I'm going to finish the job. To be honest, I was having a little trouble thinking of worthwhile and attainable goals that I could commit to for a whole year; so I went online to see what some other people were doing. That's when I ran across Squeezy. I watched his resolutions for the new year and decided to adopt every single one of them. Yup. After watching him outline all eight, and the reason for each, I thought, 'Wow, here's a guy who's just like me.' So get a pen and paper and watch because these are more than revolutions... reso... uh... yeah... resolutions... they're life rules - guide posts to redemption for all of us traveling on this manic highway known as the human condition. Thank you Squeezy... and godspeed.

CRASHING INTO 2010!

Hey, welcome to the New Year everyone! I'm just getting back on my feet after a New Year's celebration that included live pig wrasslin' and runnin' from the law like some kinda tough guy. Still, when I head into a new year, I always like to look back at the last one. The ups. The downs. The laughs. The sadness. The trumped up legal charges. The false paternity claims... and just the general zaniness that goes on. So, tonight, I'm featuring a little video in the spirit of "looking back." So now I'll move on to making my 2010 New Year's resolutions. I don't have the full list yet, but I can tell you what's number ONE: more cowbell. Stay strong in '10.