YOU ARE BEING WATCHED

File this under "fun facts." In last week's Science magazine researchers reported on a study they did which found that your movement and location are predictable 93% of the time based on cell phone data. So that's pretty relaxing. The article went on to say how this data would be used to predict traffic patterns or help improve cell phone service. ... Yeah right! That's a giant load of crapola! Know where all that data is going? A giant, central government computer so that a bunch of elite military personnel wearing black jumpsuits and packing nitrous-filled, black-hole-energy tasering guns can pounce all over you the minute you forget to report $9000 of income for three consecutive years. Don't even get me started on what'll happen when they get SkyNet up and running. It's 'game over' then man. Luckily, I have the solution: walkie-talkies. Yup. Totally can't be tracked. Plus, you get to say things like 'roger' and '10-4,' combined with 'good buddy.' ... Cripes, all this conspiracy theorizing has my pucker factor dialed up to a nine. Let's chill things back out with a prank call from the Jerky Boys. Yeah, monitor this SkyNet.