Waking up is never a pleasant experience. I have my alarm sound set on bamboo whistle or some ridiculous soothing crap like that, and it's still pretty aggravating when it goes off at 6am. So I can't even imagine the terrible headache you must get when awoken by machine gun fire. I mean, it's gotta be 100% worse than opening your eyes and seeing a Cleveland steamer hatched on your chest... I'm just saying...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
WAKING UP TO MACHINE GUNS
Saturday, September 12, 2009
ASK PROPECIA
The wise sage Whitney Houston once said, "Crack is wack." That kind of sweeping indictment - especially of something that has some obvious social benefits - has never set well with me. First, crack provides cocaine at an affordable price to working-class people. I mean, pure cut cocaine is insanely expensive. Even in our current recession the price is through the roof... uh... from what my friend tells me. Also, it helps curb appetite and promotes better eating habits in the form of smaller portions. Seriously. Who's got time to grocery shop when you're cruising street corners trying to track down a rock. And, lastly, it's a mind expanding drug that helps people see the bigger picture. Take tonight's featured person - Propecia. I'm sure before she started smoking crack that she wasn't very insightful into relationships or giving life advice. But, as you can see from this video, she's obviously been gifted with an amazing insight that's rare in our fast-paced, electronic age. Unfortunately, Proceia is dead now. A sensitive soul too delicate to cope with the cold day-to-day goings on in this topsy-turvy world. RIP crack ho. And stay strong.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
CLOSER TO... er... BY DICK CHEESE
Tonight, in honor of all the lounging around that goes on on Labor Day, I'm featuring a little musical interlude: Dick Cheese and his band, Lounge Against The Machine. They'll be doing a sublime cover of NIN's Closer. And it is glorious. In fact, I'm going out tomorrow at around... oh... 7am with my new Richard Cheese album and driving through all the terrible parts of town with the bass on '10' playing every. Single. Track. Two can play this game ghetto people!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
THE ULTIMATE PB&J
I thought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches was something I had down pat. I mean, we've firmly established that I'm no rocket scientist but making a pb&j sandwich is right above breathing and heart rate on the old brainstem, right? Well, I guess not. Tonight I'm posting a diagram/guide to make the most ultimate, nut-stuffin' pb&j this side of your mother. All I have to say is: who knew? Who f*cking knew...? Goddam peanut butter and jelly...
(click image for larger view)
Monday, August 24, 2009
SHIT MY DAD SAYS
Whoa. It's been awhile. Sorry about that. I think I got some bad moonshine because the last thing I remember is visiting my buddy Larry at his cabin in the woods and helping him with his still. I came to yesterday afternoon half lying in a stream, naked from the waist down, and missing a pinky toe. Needless to say, trying to get a ride back home was a nightmare. But I'm back baby! So, tonight's post has to do with Twitter. I'm just old enough to have that 'get off my lawn!' feeling about Twitter - it seems like a snotty young kid who doesn't make any goddam sense. But I ran across this guy's twitter page where he just writes down awesome shit his 73 year-old father says. I've read them all and -yes - they are awesome. My favorite so far?
Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices. Jesus
Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs.
Dash isn't even real dammit!
Check out "shit my dad says" here. And if any of you run across a really f*cking handsome pinky toe, please contact me immediately. Stay spicy!
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