Wednesday, August 13, 2008


Salutations Bitches.  Caffeine is proof that God exists and loves us as His chosen people.  So in that spirit I present the ten most caffinated beverages.  These are to be consumed in no particular order even though my personal preference is to rifle through from number ten down to one.  Just be sure to have a buddy around to peel you off the ceiling and call 911.

10. JOLT ENDURANCE SHOT - 254mg caffeine/100ml

Ahh... Jolt... you've come a long way baby.

 9. UPSHOT ENERGY SHOT - 270mg caffeine/100ml

Served at fine service stations everywhere.

 8. FUEL CELL - 305mg caffeine/100ml

Comes in berry, lemon, green tea, and orange ass.

 7. STOK - 308mg caffeine/100ml

My personal favorite.  Blast a few of these into your morning coffee and your pants will literally shoot off your body.

 6. POWERSHOT - 333mg caffeine/100ml

If New Jersey were an energy shot, it would be this.  The douche bag of energy drinks.

 5. CHARGE SUPER SHOT - 339mg caffeine/100ml

You don't have a hair on your ass if you don't fire back a six pack o' these little beauties in one sitting.

 4. EXTREME ENERGY 6 HOUR SHOT - 373mg caffeine /100ml

It's not really 6 hours of energy, more like 60 minutes after having done an 8-ball.

 3. MANA ENERGY POTION - 400mg caffeine/100ml

For those little Harry Potter fans who want to get a head start on stunting their growth.

 2. REDLINE POWER RUSH - 473mg caffeine/100ml

A good quality, reliable energy shot.  It'll get you there and back... and there again... and back again... and there again... you get the idea.

 1. AMMO - 570mg caffeine/100ml

It's not actually a liquid you drink but caffeine in a .22 caliber bullet that you fire into your skull.

So there they are.  If none of these pump your nads you can just go to and order a big old tub of powdered caffeine (100 grams for $4) that you can mix with anything you want.  Just try to stay under taking 400mg in one sitting to avoid sending your heart into a fatal arrhythmia that could kill you.  Cheers!

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