YEAH, SHEAR THAT ASS.. er... SHEEP!

New year is almost here and what better way to get ready for it than with a little sheep shearing. Funny thing, I feel the same way the sheep in the video does, except it happens to me when I when I watch my car's oil being changed. So far I've been banned from 4 Jiffy Lubes, beaten up twice, and offered a free tire rotation. Man, there are some weird people out there.

LET'S HOOP IT UP!

Hey, happy post-Coitus.... er... Christmas everyone! There's nothing I like better following a raucous Christmas filled with huffing gasoline and playing 'hide the sausage' than hooping it up. So, tonight, I'm featuring a simple flash game where you're shooting baskets against about 1000 other people on-line and in real time. You're probably thinking, Pfft... big deal. Hm. Ok, wiseguy. I'll bet you all your Christmas fruitcake that if you play this game twice you'll wind up sucked to your computer screen for the next hour... at least. I think the developer somehow figured out how to embed a cocaine derivative in the code. I mean, so far I've played the stupid thing about 8 days straight and have woken up more than a few times after a black out and with my belt cinched down around my arm. That'll raise a flash game's rating from 'good' to 'super-nifty' in my book. For real Holmes.

click here for Basketball

JUMPING TO YOUR DEATH... IN HD

I'm kinda intrigued by people who skydive, base-jump, bungee jump, or otherwise look death in the face and say, 'Hey bud, let's party.' Even cooler than that is doing it in HD. So this is a video of some guy in Norway with a high-def camera strapped to his head jumping off a mountain. Well, I'm guessing it's a mountain. Judging from the sheer height and the terrain it looks like their jumping off the surface of the freaking moon for chrissakes! It's pretty spectacular to watch. I mean, when a video makes you ruin a perfectly good pair of underwear in the comfort of your own home... now that's saying something. I suggest clicking on the video and watching it in full screen to get the maxium... uhhh... stainage.

I'M TOO DRUNK TO TASTE THIS CHICKEN

It's a funny thing. I thought the movie "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" wasn't that great, as a whole; but when I watch individual scenes I think it rates right up there with "Citizen Kane" for best movie of all time. It's got this kind of reverse-synergy going on. I've featured some of the PSA's from the movie in previous posts (here) and... well... what can you say. Funny is funny man. I think I find it so humorous because there are so many parallels between the movie and my own life: heroic race car driver with loyal yet dumb-witted side-kick overcome adversity to uphold American greatness. ... Actually, that isn't anything like my life. ... Except for the side-kick. I had a side-kick once. Then it kind of lost it's novelty when he got a restraining order. Anyway, the clip below has one of the best lines of dialogue from a film since Casablanca. Yeah, I'm saying it.

THE EDGE OF TIME

Whoa. It's been awhile. I've been down in our 51st state, Puerto Rico, taking out a drug smuggling ring. It's kind of a tradition with me. Every Christmas I volunteer my time to the FBI to help them crack a tough case. Oh, I know it's thankless but they let me carry a gun; and I usually get to meet with the President afterwards... so it's all Cool and The Gang. Anyways, I thought I'd post this little flick that takes you an a trip from Planet Earth to the edge of the known Universe, and back again. I don't know how anyone could watch something like this and insist we're the only life out there. I mean, I'm not gonna try and talk anyone into believing other life exists in the Universe. But let's just say that a flash of bright light and one anal probe later has made me a believer.

PS - I suggest clicking on the video and watching it in full screen.

FIVE *ADDITIONAL* RANDOM PHOTOS

Mr. ET. I ain't got no time fo' no jibba-jabba when I'm phonin' home... fool!

If you have a lack of infrastructure say 'hooo'

Well, that's one way to look at it.

He put that truck up there... using only his chest hair.

I'll give you 3 guesses... you awesome bitch.

DON'T JERK OFF TO THIS

A recent study done by some Canadian researchers found that all men look at porn. Not 99% of men. ALL men. 100% of them. So, it's pretty obvious why men watch porn. I mean, that's not a mystery. What's funny is that, faced with an absence of porn, men will turn just about anything into rub out material. It's biological or something. Seriously. One time in boy scouts, after 2 weeks in the woods, I went after my junk like a bare knuckle boxer goes after a bartender because I liked the sexy curve of the handle on my stew pot. To this day I'll get a little butterfly in my stomach when I see a nice piece of cookware. Ahhh, memories. ... Uhhh... you'll have to excuse me a moment ::tear::

BLACK SUPREMACISTS?

We've all seen those white supremacists on cable tv, carrying their swastika flags and chanting "white power." They'd be entertaining if they weren't so stupid... and armed. As it is, they're just annoying. But I figured that was pretty much the end of it. Ok, some dumb white people with no cable tv decided black people done did them wrong; so they're going to go walk around yelling at everyone. Fine. End of story. Right? Nope. Just like matter has it's anti-matter; or 'up' has 'down' - now there are some black people, just as dumb and bored as the white supremacists, who decided to be black supremacists. What's a black supremacist, you ask? I've got the answer for you right here. You can thank me later.