POPPING AND LOCKING FOR JESUS

It's convert to Christianity week here at WTCCTR.  Last night I found the pastor for my Church of The Virgin of the Immaculate Chicken Crossing The Road and the Four Horsemen of the Divine Jesus-A-GoGo in Pastor X.  Tonight I found the talent for the musical interlude portion of our mass.  I'm not sure of their name but they're spiffy as fuck and have a very Jesus-ey message: a renewed mind is the key to the power that we need.  And here I was looking for my renewed mind in cocaine and $2 whores... who knew?  I'll tell you who - Jesus.  So, without further ado, here's.... uh... Johnny Combover and the Virgin Mary's... or somethinglikethat.  Stay strong.

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I COME IN THE NAME OF JESUS MOTHER F*CKER!

Since I seem to be getting pulled into Christianity through their rock bands, I thought I'd stop fighting it and start looking for a pastor I can start to follow.  It took some searching but I think I've found the guy.  He's called Pastor X.  He's kind of like Malcom X but without the pesky education and introspection.  I was feeling kind of ambivalent about the guy until around the 2:25 mark of this video, when he breaks out the best insult I've heard ever in the history of my life.  Stay strong... and Jesus-ey.

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, christian, rock, pastor, pastor x, jesus, huggy bear, nin-com-fucking-poop

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THREE ALTERNATIVE JESUS'

I'll level with you: I'm not a religious dude.  Except for that time in Tijuana when I ate some spunky peyote at a donkey show, I never really believed in some 2000 year old carpenter who wasn't good at dodging the law.  Maybe if there was some kind of alternative Jesus I could better relate to.  Hmmm...

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, alternative, jesus, carpenter, guns, pumpitude

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Another week skids to a halt.  Let's break out the tits!

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One of my buddies was pointing out that I never post a blond for the "babe" portion of Friday's festivities here at WTCCTR.  So, ok, tonight I'm going blond.  (This one's for you Jbird)  The flaxen-haired strumpet is Tina Cutrone.  She is 20 years old and from Florida.  I suppose her claim to fame is having been in Playboy's All Naturals.  She likes to skydive and wants to save baby seals.  The skydiving thing is cool, if she does it naked with a double-headed dong, but saving baby seals?  I guess that's why I don't often feature blonds - they're so fucking... blond.  Anyway, see way more of her here.

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Beer on tap is Budweiser American Ale.  I think it's ironic that Budweiser is no longer even an American owned brewery when they come out with an "American" ale brewed from the finest ingredients found here in the good old USA.  It gives me the feeling that they're jerking me around by packaging up patriotism and selling it to me.  So I guess I was going in to this beer with bad feelings.  As for the beer, it was good... for Budweiser.  A warm Sam Adams sitting in the trunk of my car for two weeks in August has better flavor than the best Bud has to offer.  That being said, I'd drink Bud's American Ale again if it was a choice between that and a homeless guy's piss, and someone had just jammed a turd in my mouth.  Beer Advocate rates it a B- ... "worthy"  Uh huh.

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I think I'm involved in some kind of secret cult and I don't even know it.  The reason being that most of the bands I've been featuring lately have been Christian rock bands, and I really don't know why.  My only explanation is that they write some catchy shit and I'm all up in the catchy shit.  I dunno.  Anyway, this band is Falling Up.  They describe their music as "pash rock" which is a mix between "power pop" and "alternative metal."  All of that is extremely fucking gay if you ask me.  But catchy.  I'll promise to try and bounce back from this week's musical selection but for now here's "Symmetry" by Falling Up.  Ok... stay strong... for Jesus.

humor, finance, babe, beer, tune, tits, tina cutrone, playboy, all naturals, falling up, christian rock, jesus, budweiser, american, ale, turd, shit hammer

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THREE MOTORCYCLES THAT WILL MAKE YOU SHIT BRICKS.

Confederate Motor Cycle is a small, independent motorcycle manufacturer located in Baton Rouge, LA.  And they build some of the most mind boggling motorcycles in the history of your mother.  I'd cut off one of my gonads and flick it in your eye if someone would give me one of these bikes.  Yeah, that's right... I'm saying it.  Check this shit out.

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THE FIGHTER (limited edition)

The company is only making 45 of these beauties at a cost of $110000.oo a piece.  So empty those change jars.

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B120 WRAITH

Yeah, this bike would be excellent for crime fighting and banging bitches.

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F131 HELLCAT COMBAT

The most sublime example of quality design your sorry ass is ever going to see.

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RENOVATIO PROJECT

Confederate's latest concept.  But I can see these maniacs putting something like this together.

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None of these little beauties go for anything lower than $75000.oo.  But if the little baby Jesus were to come back to Earth, he'd be riding on a Confederate bike.  Hmmm... I wonder if I can get my hands on some of that righteous bailout cash... ?

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok knuckleheads.  Time to get at it again.  Everyone!  Man your cocktails!

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The babe tonight is Nicky Whelan.  She's an actress and model from Down Under and she's done various Australian tv shows and modeling jobs, which I personally don't give a flying dingo dump about.  One interesting tid-bit is that she's hooked up with David Spade, which is good news and bad news.  The good news is that she has exceedingly low standards when it comes to men which should give hope to all the sorry dudes out there who don't possess my natural good looks or charm.  The bad news is that she has exceedingly low standards when it comes to men - so you know she's been getting humped on by every dopey Aussie with a kangaroo cock.  Anyway, more pics of her here.

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Red Stripe is the Budweiser of Jamaica.  It's a thin, oily beer that's drinkable on a hot day when you're really thirsty... and there's no water around... and you just got a bee sting on your tongue... and someone has dared you on a bet... and... well... you get the idea.  It's not going to blow your hair back but Red Stripe is good if you're in a bind for a malty fix.  But, if you're actually in Jamaica, I'd recommend just smoking weed and having a pina colada.  Beer Advocate rates it a C ... "mediocre."

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Fighting Instinct is yet another Christian rock band.  They are about the sixth one of these types of groups I've featured so far.  It's not like I'm looking for religious bands.  I just hear a song I like and find out about it later.  So I'm not sure what part of my brain lights up when I hear religiousey music but I've scheduled an appointment with a therapist immediately.  I don't really have anything against Jesus... he was probably a decent dude.  But I absolutely don't want to end up drifting into religion... unless the Pope has a change of heart and gets cool with bong smokin' and luscious bitches.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, Nicky Whelan, Red Stripe, Jesus, Jamaica, fatty, dope, pina colada, Fighting Instinct, christian rock, austrailia, i found forever, christ a bing bing, zippety zips

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