NEVER GIVE IN.

Some people are bad asses.  When you look back at history you'll find a lot of people who would gladly rip out your beating heart and show it to you: General Patton, Sun Tzu, Genghis Khan, Harry Truman, William Wallace; Mrs. Jetson, my 1st grade teacher (she wouldn't let you take a piss until you got the correct answer... what kind of sadistic bitch won't let little kids use the crapper?!?).  And part of being a bad ass means fighting to the death, which is why Winston Churchill makes my list.  He had one of the best lines ever when he gave a speech at the Harrow School in 1941:

Never give in--never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Yeah, that's a guy who would spit on your corpse as you lay dying in a ditch.  Anyway, here's a short video of some others who got dealt a crappy hand by fate - and then turned around and told fate to suck the big one.  Funny thing, they're all pretty bad assed.  

Stay strong Buckos!

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TOP 5 HOT BO PEEPS.

Look, someones gotta herd these fuckers.  Why not a hot chick?  And just to make it that much hotter, I've always pictured Bo Peep as a dong-toting lesbian.  But the feminine kind... not the Home Depot lesbian.  I once got in a scrap with one of them over the last countersink cutter at a Johnny Screws Guns and Hardware sale.  That plaid-wearing broad damn near gave me a second bung hole before all was said and done.  Anyway, let's peep us some sheep!

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F*ing lucky assed sheep.

Thigh-high stockings have many uses when herding sheep.  Really!

Now this is my kind of Bo Peep.  I've been a baaaad little sheepy.

Sheer me Bitch!

Shit-dang!

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VIDEO OF A DUDE SCARING COMPLETE STRANGERS.

People are annoying.  So anytime I get to see someone annoying people back - I'm in... I'm allll in baby.  This video shows some Guy Forks looking dude approaching random people on the street and scaring their rectums off with a weird chihuahua noise.  Or maybe it's just a video of a guy with Tourette Syndrome who's walking to work.  Either way, I like this guy's style.  To me it says, 'I have stupid facial hair, I'm not getting laid, and I have a video camera.'  How many times have we all been there?  C'mon...

Technorati Tags: practical, joke, scare, people, street, strangers, boobs, beer

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SKIMPY PROM DRESS

I almost didn't go to my senior prom.  I know... I almost can't believe it either.  My musty sexuality and cheetah-tastic animal magnetism really didn't kick in until I was solidly in my late 20's... about the same time my balls dropped.  Still, I managed to scrape up a date and go.  I don't remember the details except that, despite my date being wrapped up like a mummy and completely un-interested in me sexually; I was so incredibly smoked up in my pants that just holding her hand almost caused me to jizz up my cumber bun.  So if she had worn a slutty dress I think my crotch would have actually exploded off my body from the sheer freocity of my inadvertent pelvic thrusting.  My point being - isn't this overkill?  I mean, having hooker-ish prom dresses is like throwing gasoline on a fire at a gunpowder factory.  To all the prom-aged girls out there... come closer... I have a secret for you:  IT'S PROM NIGHT!  YOU'RE GONNA GET ATTENTION AND SEX NO MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR!  Kee-ripes.  

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Anyway, some chick in Texas wore a mega-slutty dress and was kicked out of her prom.  CNN did this hard hitting story about it:

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COLBERT REPORT ON WHERE YOUR GAS DOLLAR GOES.

I talk about how to get the most out of your gas dollar on this site from time to time.  I mean, last year at this time the average price per gallon was $3.08.  Today the national average is $3.72.  We all see where this is going, right?  And we're all left to feel like the pump is being jammed squarely up our collective asses while Exxon pulls down $11.7 BILLION last QUARTER.  Just to put that in some kind perspective: 11 billion seconds is equal to 349 years.  Exxon should just hire a guy wearing a turban to kick you in the nuts every time you fill your tank.  At least it would be honest.  But in this video the oil industry tries to claim they actually don't make any money from gasoline.  Uhh... really?  Well, my man Steve Colbert calls bullshit:  

Pump it slow Buckos!

Technorati Tags: steven colbert, oil, profits, gas, saving, tips, boobs, babes

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POLICEMAN VS. FIREMAN

I ran across this video series on YouTube called Policeman vs. Fireman.  In it, Fireman Jake and Policeman Perry compare their jobs; and each video ends with a nice little public service announcement.  Now, I don't have anything against police officers.  They have a tough job.  But they are a pain in the ass when you're trying to do something illegal.  If you've never broken the law, trust me on this.  They follow you around, take you places you don't want to go, talk all mean to you and won't let you have a soda until you answer a bunch of the same questions over and over again, then they'll drive you all over God's green Earth asking you to show them where you dumped the bodies... I mean, dang!... total buzz kill man.  I'm serious.

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Anyway, here's the first video in the series.  There are 7 others up on YouTube.  Keep it legal Buckos!

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok Buckos, I'm back!  And it's Friday!  Sweet Mother Mary Mothball a la sphincters - its Friday!

Babe tonight is Jennifer Walcott.  She was playmate of the month in August 2001.  And she's WTCCTR Friday's babe in May 2008.  I think we all know which one of those titles is going to give her career the bigger boost.  Let me put it this way: Playboy is going to have to come up with more than 70 readers each week to compete with the WTCCTR juggernaut.  Oh yeah, I ain't shittin' ya.  Way more funner pics of Jennifer here.

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The brew I'm soaking my pallette in at this writing is Yuengling Traditional Lager.  It has a crisp, clean taste with a smooth finish.  It's kinda heavy on the carbonation but is pretty friggin' delicioso if you ask me.  It could also have something to do with the fact that it's ice cold and I've been breathing in insulation all day.  But still a pretty solid brew.  If you're looking to mix up your beer purchase I'd go for it.  Remember it's extra good if you huff some insulation beforehand.  Beer Advocate rates it as a B- ... "worthy."  I'm cool with that.

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Tunage tonight is from St. Louis rock band Modern Day Zero.  The song is "Broken," which is a good description of my lungs right now.  I mean, every time I take a deep breath a little puff of asbestos comes out my asshole, which totally isn't normal for me.  Anyway, onto the tune.

"Broken"

Technorati Tags: jennifer walcott, playboy centerfold, yuengling, beer, boobs, modern day zero, broken, rock, st. louis, friday

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