3 BITCHING GUITAR SOLOS.

About ten years ago I went to see Timmy Reynolds play a concert at a small club in my area.  He left that dead weight Dave Matthews behind and just came to play some solo guitar.  So the dude comes out, sits down, and curls himself around his guitar for the next 90 minutes and did things to that instrument that would have probably gotten him arrested in most of the bible belt states.  Now, I'm a fairly accomplished skin flutist, so I can appreciate amazing musical talent when I see it.  That sent me looking for some video of him on You Tube.  Instead of Tim Reynolds I found about 800 million amazing guitarists doing pretty much the same thing he did.  But no videos of Timmy R.  I think it's a goddam plot by that prick Dave Matthews to keep him in servitude.  I heard he doesn't even pay his band with cash... he gives them half in reefers and half in skittles... sadistic sonofabitch.  So here are three of the solos I found that pretty much smoked my meat.  Man your whammy bars Bitches.

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Sweet salutations to everyone in WTCCTR land!  It's Friday - time for tits, suds, and tunes.  Someone touch me.

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The babe tonight is Sarah Snow.  She's a 23 year old brat from Maine.  And I have that on good authority based on her profile

from Model Mayhem.  Oh, and here's "Sarah McAwesome's" MySpace page... soaked with crap techno music.  You can tell she's a royal pain in the ass.  I'd have to throw her the leg just because she's so hot but I'd be mad at my mcwang afterwards.  More pics of her here.

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Sam Adams Honey Porter was on tap tonight.  It's no secret I'm a big SA fan so it shouldn't be a surprise that - for me - this brew tasted like steak.  And good steak too.  Not the junk you get on sale at the Wal*Mart Super Center.  I tried five more just to make sure my initial impression was correct and I'm happy to report it was.  I'm working like a dog for you Bastards.  Anyway, Beer Advocate rates it a B+ ... "very good."  Word to your mother Beer Advocate.

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Tonight's band was featured a few months ago.  But they're back tonight because they actually rock the hair off my nuts.  Their name is Nural and they're a rock band from California.  There's not much else about them that's worth commenting on.  Pretty generic bunch of dudes.  Maybe after a tour they smoke a reefer or something but otherwise they seem pretty /blah/.  Except for this ...

"Live And Learn"

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Ok, so that closes out another week of craziness you glorious Bitches.  If you find yourself bored this weekend, grab a good friend and rouchambeau each other.  Play on Player!

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THE OLDEST JOKE IN THE WORLD.

So in my wanderings around this wacky place called the world wide web - on a quest to prove that viewing massive amounts of porn will give me super strength - I'll sometimes stumble across odd stuff: stock quotes, news, and now ... the world's oldest recorded joke.  It's from 1900 BC and is a saying from the Sumerians.  Wanna hear it?  Here goes.

Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

Golly, that sure is nifty!  You gotta imagine that since someone took the time to carve that in a slab of petrified dung (OR WHATEVER THE HELL THEY USED FOR PAPER IN ANCIENT SUMARIA), it had to be one of the funniest goddam things they'd ever thought of.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say the Sumerians invented "humor" before they invented beer and weed.  Just a hunch.  Now smile wide Bitches.

PS - If you don't believe me and want to check out the article, go here.

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GOLF BLOWS.

I was out golfing and betting on the ponies all day today, like a man.  The only problem was my goddam golf game... which sucks black ass.  Actually, I'm really getting a great value for my money if you divide the cost of the round by the number of shots I take.  I'm getting a waayyy better value per stroke than anyone I'm with.  But I guess I have to expect high scores given that I've spent twice as much on my golf cooler as I did on my golf clubs.  It's all about priorities baby.  So, in celebration of my hack job of a perfectly innocent golf course, I'm posting a little Jackass out on the links.  Fore Bitches!

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HOME WINDMILL WILL TAKE 20-60% OFF ELECTRIC BILL.

Everyone is going green these days.  I mean, when you have a guy like T. Boone Pickens throwing up windmills all over Texas, it's time to take this renewable energy stuff seriously.  Not to mention that it gives Al Gore a serious stiffy.

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I ran across this residential wind turbine that is affordable ($600) and can be mounted on your home to help reduce your power bills.  It's set to be released in September; which will give us plenty of time to save up and figure out how the hell we're going to hook the damn thing up.  I'm considering getting bolts installed in my neck and having the juice pump directly into my heroic physique.  That way, I could probably shoot electricity from my nipples and fight crime like a wild bitch.  What now M-F'er?

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PS - If your ass hurts it's probably because of the record $482 BILLION budget deficit that was announced today.  To put that in perspective: if I gave you $1 every second it would take over 100 years to reach $482 billion.  Thanks George.

babe, beer, tune, boobs, bitches, humor, cash, save money, wind turbine, windmill, democratic ecology, al gore, tree huggers, nipples, crime fighter with electric nippalage.

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TAXES HURT MY SPHINCTER - PART 5.

It's been a while since I've posted on this topic, but I was reminded of it recently when a friend got a nice letter from the IRS telling him he was being audited.  He explained it as kind of like having your heart pulled out of your ass... except it's money.

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Anyway, in the clip tonight (part 5 of the 11 part series) one of the jurors for a man on trial for not paying his taxes explains how they reached their verdict.  That's some interesting shit right there Bitches.  Don't try this at home.  

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PS - you can catch the rest of my postings in this series here.

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Thank Christ it's Friday!!

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Tonight's babe is Susie Feldman.  Hmmm... name sounds familiar right?  Yeah, well, Susie Feldman is the wife of the dipshit Cory Feldman.  That prick who was in the movies "Stand By Me" and "The Lost Boys."  I only call him that because I'm jealous... I suppose.  But it does go along with my theory that there is no justice in the world.  I mean, seriously.  The dude hasn't put in a hard day's work in his entire life.  And this is the tail he gets.  Oh, and just as a 'by the way' kind of tid-bit, she was the one who came on to him.  She was the one who approached him in a bar and was all up in his business... now ain't that some shit?!?  Yeah, thanks God.  Anyway, more titty-liscious pics of her here. (GOD, WHAT A MASSIVE PIECE OF ASS).

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Special entry tonight Bitches.  It's called "Midas Touch" by Dogfish Head Brewery. This recipe is the actual oldest-known fermented beverage in the world. The recipe showcases the known ingredients of barley, white Muscat grapes, honey & saffron found in the drinking vessels in King Midas' tomb!  And with 9% alcohol... it's fucking delicious!  Of all the beers so far rated I'd give this top billing.  Excellent beer.  Nice grape-ey taste and awesome buzz.  Beer Advocate rates it a B - "good."  But I'd say go out and get some, if you can find it.  Also, it's only sold in 4-packs... and will cost you about $9.oo.  Why they wouldn't sell it in 6-packs is insane to me.  It's like spitting in the face of the little baby Jesus - breaking up a 6 pack like that.  Anyway, go out and get some.  You won't be sorry.

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Tonight's band is The Color Red and their song is "Sore Throat."  It's tough to get much of a history on this band.  They're from Southern California (oh great) and released an album in 2002 called "Clear;" which was mediocre except for the song featured tonight, which rocks in a slow, ponderous way.  So enjoy Bitches.  Rest up.  Another week of awesome awaits!

"Sore Throat"

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PS - Here is a link for 30 days of delicious summer drinks.  Yeah... you're welcome you fucks.

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