THE BATTLE CRY OF LEROY JENKINS... AND THE IRS.

Howdy Ho WTCCTR Army!  A few days ago I was reading an article about the 10 best battle cries; and mixed in with King Leonidas and Charlton Heston was a guy named Leeroy Jenkins(pictured).  After a little research I found out he's just some average, everyday dude who became famous when he got his entire pack of buddies killed while playing the online game World of Warcraft.  Ok, so I won't go into everything that's screwy with that; but I'll leave it at me just not understanding the whole WoW thing.  I mean, why someone would waste time playing Dungeons and Dragons with a bunch of strangers when you could be looking at righteous porn or some groovy scat video really confuses me.  But what do I know... I mean, I'm not a therapist for chrissakes.  Anyway, I found the clip of this Leeroy Jenkins guy and his battle cry on YouTube and I gotta admit - it was pretty goddam funny.  I think it's a good example that there's a very thin line between being brave and dumb.  You could argue that sometimes there isn't a line between the two.  Sometimes they almost go hand in hand like dates to the Darwin Awards.  So here's to Leeroy, you nutty maniac.

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In completely unrelated news - the IRS.  Congress passed "the housing bill" a few days ago to keep Fannie Farmer and Bernie Mac mortgage companies from going belly up.  BUT the nifty little thing you won't hear on the news is that the nearly 600 page bill wasn't really reviewed by the congressmen voting on it, and so some other neat stuff got snuck through.  Like that in 2009 the IRS will start monitoring ALL of YOUR credit card transactions.  Cool huh?!?  Guess I'm going to have to start buying my bulk fertilizer with money orders from now on.  See a video summary of the bill here by my man Ron Paul.

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All for now you saucy Bitches.  Check in tomorrow for.... WAIT FOR IT... ... Babe, Beer, and a Tune.  Leeerrroooyyy Jeeeennnkins!

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LYNWOOD, ILL. - THE BEST PLACE ON EARTH

Maybe I'm just old but there are some things that seem colossally retarded to me: rap music; Bed, Bath, and Beyond; Barry Manilow.  But one thing that is at the top of the retarded list is the baggy pants look that this fine gentleman in the picture is modeling.  I am really really hard pressed to seeing what's "cool" or "phat" or friggin' whatever you want to call it.  Well, finally somewhere people are putting a cash money fine on stupid.  And that place is Lynwood, Illinois.  Article here.  Now if someone would only declare rap music the Devil's lubricant we'd be cookin' with Crisco.  Stay strong Lynwood!

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PS - check out the new link to the Funtastics web page.  Lots of lusty broads without any pants!

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HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY LIFE... LIKE PATRICK SWAYZE.

Hi Bitches.  I'm feeling good today.  I've got a little spring in my step and a twinkle in my eye.  Usually I'm a nervous, twitchy - yet incredibly handsome - little prick.  But today I have a new outlook.  Over the years I've read almost 4 books on Eastern philosophy, gone on pilgrimages and MacGuyver-ish adventures... I even played a game called "nipple showdown" (LOOSE TRANSLATION) with an isolated tribe in New Guinea - just to try and figure out what this crazy life is all about and gain some peace of mind.  And up until this morning it was all for nothing.  Then I saw the video below... and it was like the sun shining on my face for the first time.  It was like my nuts were released from the vice-grip of reality.  It was like my swollen cock.... er... well... you get the idea.  

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So, because I love you crazy bitches, I'm presenting the video to you tonight.  Stay strong.

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CAKE FARTS.

Hey, Happy Sunday.  Today is traditionally a day of rest and worship.  So in that spirit, I present cake farts.  Soak it all in... or should I say, 'Smell it all in.'  Stay strong Bitches.

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Cake Farts

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

I saw the new Batman movie, The Dark Night, today.  It kind of blew me away so I'm starting tonight's post with one of the Joker's qirky, murderous little quotes -- "And here.  We.  Go."

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WTCCTR Readers - meet Sherri Gulley.  Sherri Gulley - meet the WTCCTR rockstars.  Sherri is a medical assistant in Florida and is open to doing nude modeling.  Yes and please and thank you.  Oh, and she's 36 years old and a single mother of 2... so we know she's open to taking a roll in the hay and has awesome genetics.  I mean, how do you have 2 kids and snap back with a body like that?!  I suppose her poon smells like strawberries too.  Cripes!  More pics of the ultimate MILF here.

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The brew tonight is called Maudite.  The picture above is the label and, I gotta admit, I chose this beer because it scared the shit out of me.  I mean, is it me, or do those fuckers look like they're rowing a boat to Hell?  But I wrestled my fear like an alligator with bull-tits and was able to carefully consider six of these little beauties.  All I can say is that if this really is the beer they serve in Hell - sign me up!  It was awesome!  Hard to describe the taste really except to say that it was a little sweet and spicy at the same time.  Totally delicious.  Plus it has an 8% alcohol content.  Yummy in the old tummy.  Beer Advocate agrees with me and awards this beer the grade of A- ... "excellent."  Nice brew Satan!

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Tunage tonight is "Follow You Down" by Blindside.  They are another Christian rock band (last week's band were Jesus freaks too).  But since this week's beer is actually from Hell I'm guessing it's good to balance things out a little bit... keep the whole yin and yang thing going.  I mean, who wants to piss off Jesus?  Not me.  I already have a dead hooker and a Cleveland steamer counting against me (separate incidents, by the way).

"Follow You Down"

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GIVING BIG OIL THE FINGER.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm pretty sick of eating a shit sandwich every time I fill up my gas tank these days.  And I'm tired of hearing how much money the oil companies are making.  Oh yeah... and I'm tired of oil company executives going before Congress saying they don't make any money on the sale of gasoline.  I'm ready to give Big Oil the big finger.  How?  No mystery here Bitches... the answer is electric.  Between now and 2010 there are about 30 companies that are going to be releasing 100% electric vehicles.  Sure they look like clown cars but I'm willing to slap on a big red rubber nose and pair of balloon pants if it means I can tell these guys to go suck my nozzle.  One of those companies is called Think.  The information on their offering to the electric car market is here.

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So here's to me tea-bagging you Exxon-Mobil!  You're not going to have my supple rump to kick around after 2009.  Aaahhh  hahhhahhhhaaaa hahhaa.

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Oh, and here's a free cup of joe.  

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Peace Bitches.

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MY WORKOUT.

Hey there Bitches!  Wanna give me a spot?  Heh, for those of you not familiar with gym lingo that means 'keep an eye on me while I lift this hugemongous mass of weight and make sure I don't drop it on myself.'  I've been hearing a lot about how us Americans are all obese and have pretty rank stools.  Now, I can't do much about the second thing; but I might be able to help out with the first part of that equation - the fatness.  

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Tonight I'm posting a video of my daily workout.  Watch closely and take notes because, as you can see, it's pretty fucking effective.  The only real downside is that if I drop any coins I'm not able to adjust my muffularity in order to pick them up.  I just have to leave them there.  To date, I've had to abandon $47592.oo in loose change... I guess that's the price of being balls deep in awesome.

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