SOME WEIRD SH*T... AND A COOL TUNE

I understand that we all do some weird, freaky shit when we're home alone.  I personally enjoy dressing up like old Elvis, standing on my front porch, and proclaiming to my neighbors and random joggers-by that I've been resurrected while I fling handfulls of peanut butter at them like a monkey slings his dung.  But, hey, that's just my thing.  Point being: I don't turn on my web cam and broadcast myself to the world.  So can someone explain what the f*ck this guy is doing??  I mean, get a hold of yourself man!  Seriously.  And, what's up with the shoes??

The cool tune I was talking about is from the band Breaking Benjamin.  They're a straight-up American rock band from Pennsylvania; and the tune is "Home."  I think it's about the Wizard of Oz or some crazy crap like that.  Check it out here.

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DITA VON TEESE

Tonight's post is dedicated to fetish model Dita Von Teese.  A lot of you are probably familiar with her from her ubiquity on the internet: her topless photos, her fetish pics, gossip around her failed marriage to Marilyn Manson, her somewhat outstanding strip-teases, or her fetish-themed lesbian threesome videos.  Let me say that again.  Fetish-themed lesbian threesome video.  It's not too often you find such an attractive young woman who's so sexually liberated.  So I'm hoping that by featuring Ms. Von Teese I'll help promote more hot chicks getting into fetishes, lesbianism, threesomes - or all of the above.  I mean, I've been saying for years that fetish-themed lesbian threesomes are the new black, but people said I was crazy.  Anyway, here's a few other pics of her looking super swell.  Stay strong.

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NUTSHOTS.

I'm getting all America's Funniest Home Videos on your ass tonight with a pretty nifty nutshot video.  I was talking to a buddy of mine who was pontificating on the inherent hilarity of the classic nutshot.  Personally, I don't see what all the fucking hullabaloo is about.  If you've seen one nut shot you've seen them all in my book.  How about we see some kicks to the vagina?  Huh?  How about that?  That's something I haven't seen since never.  I think in the spirit of equal rights and all the progress feminism has made someone should step up and take a nice swift kick to the cooter.  ... Ok!  Who's with me?

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MEMORIAL DAY.

A sincere and heartfelt 'thank you' to all our veterans.

I WANT TO POOP IN THERE.

To everyone who checks my site regularly: sorry I haven't posted in a while.  I scour the Internet everyday, like some kind of crazed, ravenous bitch; for only the highest quality content to offer up to you maniacs.  And for the last week I haven't found squat.  I think the Internet is turning into some kind of daily journal for emo dorks and My Little Pony tween girls.  But today, finally, I found something worthy of the WTCCTR audience.  Hundreds of hours, thousands of web pages and news sites, countless other blogs, trillions of hours of porn - all have yielded the following little gem... or should I say 'nugget'?  Stay strong.

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SHAMWOW IS BEING A BITCH

Billy Mays Hayes sells this knife sharpener called the Samurai Shark.  It takes dull shit and makes it fucking sharp as hell.  It's so fucking sharp it can cut through a Sham-Wow like a bitch.  Don't believe me?  Check this shit out motherf*cker.  Stay strong... and sharp as fuck.

WEEKEND'S HERE BITCHES.....WHOOOOOOHEEEAAARRRGGGHHH.

Whew.  Made it through another one.  And weekends mean free time to rest, regroup, catch up on odds and ends, spend time with family... oh, and party like the sadistic warden in charge of the naughty nymphomaniac Miss Hawaiian Tropic bikini prison.  So today I thought I'd give everyone a special treat; and pull back the curtain on my highly classified preparatory routine that makes me an international assassin of love.  Stay strong.

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YOU HAD ME AT 'CAPTAIN'S LOG'

Ok, so I stumbled across this video of a guy talking about some personal issues.  It's about six minutes long.  Now, I know some of you won't hang around for the full time but let me say this: if you can hang in there until the 1 minute 15 second mark you'll be hooked for the entire video.  For the first minute I was like blah, blah, blah, blah.  Then, around 1m 15s the bomb dropped and, like any terrorist worth his turban, his secondary explosion hits at 4m 10s.  Oh, and you know the best part about this video?  ... Hmmm? ... Give up? ... It's all the severed human heads sitting on the mantle behind the camera; and the off-camera decayed corpse of his mother dressed in Victoria's Secret and splayed out across his bed.  All I can say is, You had me at 'Captain's Log,' you Scamp!  Stay strong ... and sucka free.

BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE... BACK! ... AND WETTER THAN EVER.

Yo WTCCTR maniacs.  I haven't dipped my toe into the "Babe, Beer, and a Tune" post lately - and I've been feeling squarely as a fuck all day - so I figured, 'Why not?'

This is Elaine Alden.  Now, despite having the name "Elaine," she's pretty flawless.  She's 22  years old and from Florida.  In her bio Elaine says she's "constantly growing and learning."  That's funny because I'm constantly growing and learning.  So there's one point of commonality right here.  Hmmm... will a torrid love connection between the innocent Elaine and the suave and sultry WTCCTR writer be next?  There will be if my wang has anything to say about it.  More pics of her here.

I had an oil can of Fosters tonight for the first time in awhile.  Let me start the review by saying that  beer in the summer-time is almost 100% impossible to mess up.  I've even had beers that were hot from being stuffed in a trunk for two months; and were still good just because it was summer.  That being said, I wasn't really impressed with Fosters.  I mean, it was ok.  If Fosters is "Australian for beer" then what's Australian for "taste?"  Anyone?  Bueller?  Anyway, Beer Advocate gives Fosters a C- ... "not worthy."  A'int that a kick in the diga-rooney?

Pacifier is a New Zeland band who just cranks out outstanding tunes.  Oh, AND they're not a Christian rock band.  The lead singer seems to dress a little fruity though.  I haven't seen those Shazam lightning bolts being worn by someone since I ate half a bag of magic mushrooms and broke into the local electric company.  The FBI has zero understanding when you do something like that... just so you know.  Anyway, the tune is "Semi-Normal."  Stay sucka free.

"Semi-Normal"

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