MINOR PROGRAMMING NOTE

Because of the crushing volume of reader mail I receive, people have expressed doubt that I actually go through it all. Ah, but I do. I even follow up on some of the silly shit people throw at me. Tonight is a case in point. A reader wanted to have captions for all the righteous babes I feature in the right margin of the blog. So, ok... starting tonight any of the babes that have their name below their picture will also have a link - if you click their picture - to even more pictures of them. For all you youngsters out there: it's doing magnamous shit like this that gets you the title "swell guy." Stay strong.

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DANCE YOU SILLY BITCH

This video is a million years old and has been all over the Internet, so I'm sure most have you have seen it already. Still, I'm posting it tonight as more of an instructional video to all you single dudes out there... this is how you fill your dance card.

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NUTSHOTS.

I'm getting all America's Funniest Home Videos on your ass tonight with a pretty nifty nutshot video.  I was talking to a buddy of mine who was pontificating on the inherent hilarity of the classic nutshot.  Personally, I don't see what all the fucking hullabaloo is about.  If you've seen one nut shot you've seen them all in my book.  How about we see some kicks to the vagina?  Huh?  How about that?  That's something I haven't seen since never.  I think in the spirit of equal rights and all the progress feminism has made someone should step up and take a nice swift kick to the cooter.  ... Ok!  Who's with me?

Technorati Tags: nutshots, vagina, exodus tyson, treadmill cord, mike tyson, dr. phil, oprah, obama, sotomayor, dickmelons

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BEST PROTEST SIGN EVER

The real question is: who the f*ck protests to bring back Crystal Pepsi?!?!

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IT'S A LONG WAY TO THE TOP BITCHES.

Howdy ho people.  It's been awhile since I last posted.  But that doesn't mean I'm not out there scanning the internets for you maniacs.  It's just that I haven't found anything worth posting lately.  I almost posted a bit about how AIG is like the Titanic (i.e., "too big to fail") but then I thought, 'Cripes, I'm turning into David Brinkley for the love of sweet little Jesus' baby nuts.'  So, when I came across this old AC/DC video, the little man in my loins went all David Carruso on my ass.  By the way, the guitar riff at the beginning of this song is so fucking great it made my nipples smoke.  True story.  Anyway, the video is about 5 minutes long so you'll have to watch the whole thing be absorb the full awesomeness of it.  Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: ac/dc, it's a long way, humor, finance, tits, obama, stimulus, aig, rihanna, chris brown, jesus christ, angioplasty, domestic violence rocks

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WE ARE SO F*CKED

A few days ago I posted a video explaining the credit crisis that's currently ass raping us as a country.  Today I'm doing a follow-up on that post with a 30 minute clip from a movie called I.O.U.S.A.  I know: thirty minutes is a long time to watch a video on your computer that doesn't involve cunnilingus or someone accidentally getting bonked in the nuts.  But, even if you don't like economic issues, you should check this out.  I mean, it really took a nice Saturday and turned it into a study in helplessness and despair; leaving me huddled in a corner in the fetal position quivering in a puddle of my own piss while clutching $43 like it was the only thing standing between me and life in a Turkish prison.  Who would say 'no' to that?  Stay strong.

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BAILOUTS AND BOOBAGES

Salutations to my fellow chimpanzee lovers out there.  Of course we're all aware by now that the country is going to hell in a hand basket... tied to an anvil... that's welded to a pot bellied stove.  And, I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly sure what the christ is going on.  I don't understand what caused the housing market to "collapse."  Nor do I get how a trillion dollar bailout is going to make everything better.  So tonight I'm posting this informative joint about how this whole douchebag of a financial crisis got started.  It's a little long - 10 minutes - but does a great job of explaining how the ass raping that is our current economic situation got started.

And now I'm going to post a fresh pic of some righteous boobs... just to mellow shit out a little.  You know... kind of like having a beer after doing a line of coke... or something like that.  Stay liquid you maniacs.

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BERT AND ERNIE YO.

I haven't watched Sesame Street in a few years.  Well, a few months at least... Well... yesterday.  I watched it yesterday ok?  Cripes.  I don't see what the big deal is.  What other program can you watch that's sponsored by the letter J?!?  That's some nifty shit I tell ya.  That being said, I don't ever remember seeing this little clip of Bert and Ernie, but I always suspected these two were pimps when the cameras cut off.  Stay jeezy Bitches.

Technorati Tags: sesame street, humor, babe, beer, tune, bert, ernie, rap, gangsta, m.o.p., ante up, obama, congress, speech, miracle on the hudson, economy, dow, breast jelly

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THE OCULAR PENETRATION ACT OF 2007.

I'm coming out of hiding to raise awareness for an issue which is sure to become worse in this tough economy.  It's something I've tried to turn a blind eye to (no pun intended) but when I walk out my door and see retirees and indigents being victimized, I gotta speak out.  So watch this short video of the proposed legislation aimed at stopping this brewing epidemic.  Then call your Congressman.  Get involved.  Stop ocular penetration goddammit.  Stay strong.

 

Technorati Tags: ocular penetration, skull fuck, babe, beer, tune, bailout, gm, stimulus, obama, crabcake fistula

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I GUESS I HAVE A TINY SACK

I'd often pause at random moments throughout the day and admire the fact that I had balls the size of church bells.  I mean, I'd run with scissors, drink milk right out of the carton, eat a bunch of barbecue ribs and go swimming right afterwards, give cops the finger... cripes, one time got so crazy I ate my dessert before dinner.  Did I risk ruining my appetite?  Yup.  And I did it anyway.  That's what you call bad ass Buckos.  Then I saw the video I'm featuring tonight.  It's a dude by the name of Dan Osman.  I guess he climbs cliffs without ropes or any other safety harness.  Just some chalk, fairy looking shoes, and a sweet mini-mullet.  So, I'll admit my nads aren't quite as big as good old Dan's.  But let me leave you with this: I didn't even rake my yard this year.  I let those f*cking leaves just sit there all fall.  I'm looking at you Dan Osman.

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FRIDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Wha... where am I??  Whoa.  Sorry about not being around for the last few days.  I'm sure you maniacs managed without me.  After all, Al Gore's internet is a rich, interactive environment which puts the world's libraries and knowledge at your fingertips.  Oh, and a crazy amount of tits.  And just FYI - if you're gonna drop acid and do whippets, pre-plan your way home.  

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Yeah.  I'm not messing around this week.  Michelle Panzarella was a Cybergirl of the Week for Playboy and recently appeared as Playmate of the Month in the current (55th Anniversary) edition of Playboy.  Other than that, the only thing I could find out about her was that... ready?... she has two kids.  Yup.  So here's to you Michelle.  And to breastfeeding until you're 43.  More pics of her here.  (You're welcome Jbird).

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Rolling Rock Extra Pale Ale is on tap tonight.  I hadn't had it in awhile and so I went into this weeks "tasting" with a clean palliate, so to speak.  I've always liked RR's packaging and unique green bottle which makes me want to like this beer.  Then I drank it.  It's a flat, bitter beer with an aftertaste of a car trunk.  After three sips I smashed it over my genitals just so I would enjoy it more.  Beer Advocate rates this bitch a C- ... "not worthy."  I agree Mr. Beer Advocate.  Ptoowy!

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This is intheclear.  They're a straight-up heavy rock band out of Louisville, Kentucky.  And they're awesome.  They've toured with Staind, Chevelle, Sevendust, and Days of the New.  You've probably never heard of them but you should get some of their tunage.  It'll smoke your balls off.  The tune featured is entitled "Dead Roses."  Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go stand outside for a bit.  My balls are making it look like a Texas barbecue basement cookout in the old home office here.  Stay strong.

"Dead Roses"

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FRIDAY'S... er... SATURDAY'S BABE, BEER, AND A TUNE.

Ok crap stains.  We're back at it.  Let's get those boob juices flowing.

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Say hello to my lil' friend: Jessica Burciaga.  Jessica seems like my kind of fun loving gal.  She's worked at Hooters, is currently a spokes model for Hot Import Nights (whatever the hell that is), and is Playboy's February 2009 Playmate.  Renaissance woman?  No, but damn close.  And if she'd just move that left hand I'd admit to anything.  More pics of her here.

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In my quest to review the entire Sam Adams collection I'm hitting on Cherry Wheat this week.  I think I'd consider this a "girly" beer but cherry Coke, cherry pie, cherry slots... I love 'em all.  So I went into Cherry Wheat with a strong partiality to the flavor.  I'm going with a big thumbs up on this one.  But it's like a Honda - loved it but don't let any of your friends see you enjoying it.  Beer Advocate rates it a B- ... "worthy."  They probably liked it a lot more than that but had to rate it lower to seem cool.  

Ugh.  More Christian rock bands.  This week it's Manic Drive.  They're out of Toronto, Canada.  They have some pretty decent awards under their belts but, Jiminy Christmas - does every friggin' band I like have to be into God?!?  What ever happened to Satan?  I thought he was a big inspiration to rock and roll.  I guess Jesus is the new Satan.  I don't know.  Here's their tune "Luckiest."  Rock on Jesus!

Manic Drive - Luckiest.mp3


Free Search Mp3 Code at www.codelagu.com

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, tits, playboy, jessica burciaga, sam adams, cherry wheat, manic drive, toronto, canada, luckiest, obama, iphone, youtube, crap stains, boob juices

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OWNED!

As a righteous motherf*cker, international man of mystery, and occasional guest air-bassist for the band Manny and the Piss Slits; I've never experienced the raw, bare-assed awfulness of getting owned.  I actually think I have a rare genetic make-up that prevents it from occurring to me.  Kind of like trying to put the north poles on two different magnets together.  It just doesn't work.  So when I see videos like the one below I wonder how these poor sonsabitches have even a shred of dignity left.  Seriously.  They must have some kind of life coach or prescription medications that makes the rest of their days ok or something.  I can't figure it out.  

Technorati Tags: humor, cash, finance, babe, beer, tune, tits, obama, facebook, at&t, iPhone, owned, ass monkey

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THE DAY AFTER...

Whew, am I glad all that shit is over!  If you have any agenda items for our president-elect you can let him know here.  Now, if you don't mind, I'm sportin' for another righteous cocktail...

Technorati Tags: humor, finance, obama, election, mccain, drinking, shot, flaming shot, beers, chug, pitcher, penis pistols

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A SUNDAY SERENADE

In addition to spending most of the day hungover sitting in a pile of my own waste I've been watching the Sunday news shows and reading a lot of the newspapers: CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, NBC, The New York Times, the AP, the Wall Street Journal, even Conde Nast Traveller (I guess they cover politics now).  Of course, the big topic among all of them is the presidential campaign.  The promises, the plans, who's going to cut taxes, who's going to raise taxes, who's tough on terror, Iran's nuclear program, pre-conditions, voter fraud, voter disenfranchisement, vice presidential picks, the national debt, withdrawal plans, Saturday Night Live, one world order, your mother, my mother, blah, blah, blah...  It took me all day but I eventually found the one piece of video that sums it ALL up perfectly:

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PS - These guys are called Sons Of Butcher.  Check out some of their other videos after this one.  They'll rock your nut sack off! (In an 80's-glam rock kinda way)

Technorati Tags: babe, beer, tune, humor, finance, sons of butcher, presidential, cnn, msnbc, fox news, nbc, the new york times, the wall street journal, conde nast traveller, obama, mccain, election, your mother

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