WHEN YOU CAN GRAB THE PEBBLE FROM MY HAND GRASSHOPPER...

A few years ago "The Secret" came out and was a big deal for telling people that life is mostly mind over matter. Before that there was "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle, who was pretty anxious to have people not think about anything more than 5 inches in front of their face. Going back again you have "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck. He got all googley-eyed around understanding how your ego works... and somehow that would make you feel f*cking spiffy. Then, back in the late 60's, you had the classic "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas Harris. This guy sums up everyones actions into parent, child, or adult; and understanding that will give you some great insight. Well, all that stuff is pretty much high-grade crapola. I've found a new way of dealing with the world, a new philosophy, a new mojo if you will. It's called "Fuck It." I've been using it about a week now and I feel fucking great! For example, people will get all stressed out when their power gets shut off but it's really not that bad. Seriously. The toilet works without electricity, so what's the big deal? ... Stay groovy... or not... fuck it.

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GODDAM THIS GUY IS TALENTED

Hey, you guys know Eminem right? Well, imagine if Eminem was British and had talent... he'd be a dude named DubFx. I have a ton of respect for any musician, mainly because I can't even play the kazoo without inducing seizures in the elderly and scaring the neighborhood cats; but here's a guy who makes righteous tunes without any instrument. He uses a machine to record his voice then sings over that. It sounds pretty awful in theory, but he blew my mind out of my ass the first time I heard him. Mr. Fx is so talented he made me feel like I had some rhythm for about 30 seconds. At least that's what I thought it was. Pfft... I mean, technically I just pissed myself... but I think it was to the beat. Anyway, check out the video below. I think some of his other videos/songs on YouTube are better but he explains how he gets his tunage on in this one. Stay groovy Bitches.

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CRAP! THE MOST DYNAMIC ENTERTAINER OF A GENERATION IS DEAD!

The man who defined a generation - Billy Mays - is f*cking dead! Crap! (I bet you thought I was talking about someone else) I've featured him a few times on this site (here and here) because no one was able to polish a turd like Billy Mays, not even that Vince guy. See, what Billy had that no one else did was his consistency. The sheer volume of shit he turned into shinola is unmatched in modern day info-mercials. I think you'd have to go back to the early 1900's when Hiram Todd Dewey was peddling joint ointment made out of pig snouts and actual human excrement to find someone even close to Billy's level. So tonight's post is a tribute to him. Here's to you Mr. Mays. If anyone could have bought the farm... and then got one free... it's you.

Technorati Tags: dead, greatest entertainer, billy mays, jabooody dubs, oxy clean, furious, fenis

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SOME HOUSECLEANING BEFORE BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

I'm trying to go green. So, when I was cleaning out my downloads folder and found a few miscellaneous items that didn't get posted for whatever reason, I decided to put them up instead of just tossing them away like some kind of wasteful bastard. No one likes that shit. And I'm going to finish it off with a cover of "Burning Down The House" done by a band called The Used... because it's ball-rattllingly awesome. Stay in school.

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OH MY GOODNESS INDEED.

Great art is often ruined by the words surrounding it. So I'll omit most of my usual engaging and insightful commentary and just let the piece speak for itself.

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NOW *THIS* IS HOW YOU PISS MONEY AWAY

If you followed my rants during the campaign at all, you know I'm a Ron Paul fan; mostly because he's the only guy who made a sliver of fucking sense when he spoke. It's good to see he hasn't changed any since the election because today, on his website, he outlines some of the obscene expenditures our government is currently engaged in:

$660 Million to Gaza

$555 Million to Israel

$310 Million to Egypt

$300 Million to Jordan

$420 Million to Mexico

$889 Million to the UN (for "peacekeeping" missions)

$1 BILLION sent "overseas to address the global financial crisis outside our borders"

$8 BILLION for a "potential pandemic flu"

$108 BILLION to the International Monetary Fund (all $ will be spent overseas)

I know what you're thinking: 'Gee, that's great... but who gives a crap?' Well, first: all this is $ we're just giving away to all these douche bags. Seriously. Can someone f*cking explain to me why we're spending $8 BILLION on the goddam flu?!? Anyone? Bueller? Second: it's all $ we're borrowing from China. This means that China basically owns our country and could make us start speaking their chicken scratch language if they wanted to. And, just for good measure, they could bring our country to it's knees without firing a single shot. One other interesting little tid-bit... if our government didn't piss away our money like they were buying blow jobs - and we didn't have any debt - our income taxes would be 40% LOWER. Interesting huh? If you'd like to let your representatives know how interesting you think all this is I suggest you drop them a line. You can find them here. Ok. Now that that's taken care of, let's all chill out with a righteous babe. Play on Player.

MINOR PROGRAMMING NOTE

Because of the crushing volume of reader mail I receive, people have expressed doubt that I actually go through it all. Ah, but I do. I even follow up on some of the silly shit people throw at me. Tonight is a case in point. A reader wanted to have captions for all the righteous babes I feature in the right margin of the blog. So, ok... starting tonight any of the babes that have their name below their picture will also have a link - if you click their picture - to even more pictures of them. For all you youngsters out there: it's doing magnamous shit like this that gets you the title "swell guy." Stay strong.

Technorati Tags: keely hazell, hot babes, links, swell, dude, magnamous, obama, bush, cheney, iran

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DANCE YOU SILLY BITCH

This video is a million years old and has been all over the Internet, so I'm sure most have you have seen it already. Still, I'm posting it tonight as more of an instructional video to all you single dudes out there... this is how you fill your dance card.

Technorati Tags: slap dance, obama, random harvest, the whole nine yards, father's day, gifts, cha-cha, foxtrot, slap, impotence

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REZNOR, ARROWS, AND THIGH-HIGHS

I recently watched a Nine Inch Nails concert on tv and forgot how goddam awesome they are. I mean, Reznor really is a freaking genius. So I'm posting one of their videos tonight to remind everyone. This song in particular - "Hurt" - makes me want to chew tinfoil and shoot bottle rockets out of my ass. Not really sure why but it seems appropriate in this case. Oh, and just for good measure, I'm throwing in a video of a shitty William Tell impression; and a nice young woman who was apparently getting dressed for work when she got interrupted for photos. Stay sucka free.

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THIS IS THE GREATIST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

I don't know what else to say about this. It really is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Well, there was that time my buddy Dave dropped acid and thought he was Jesus Christ. That was pretty great too but he didn't fart at all... so it automatically gets bumped to #2. This video is now officially #1. My favorite "moment" occurs at about 1m50s. Play on Player.

Uhhh... encore anyone?

Technorati Tags: farting in public, the pooter, gasser, fart, shit, trouser trout

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110MPG V8 WITH 500HP. NOW WHAT ARABS?

How would you like to put an V8 engine in your car that goes 0-60mph in 3 seconds and gets 110 miles per gallon? Too good to be true? Nope. Some fat guy in Ohio has made an engine that does just that. He's getting patents and is starting to fire up production on an engine that will make Canada, Mexico, and Venezuela - along with the Saudis - scrambling for cash to meet their jumping bean and camel chow addictions. *We get most of our oil from Canada... didn't know that did ya?* The guy has his own web page with a bunch of videos introducing his technology. Check it out here. But the video below basically sums it up pretty good. By the way, if you work for GM, drop a dime on this guy for chrissakes.

Technorati Tags: 110mpg, gm, auto, engine, x prize, ford, american auto makers, craptacular

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TIME FOR TEA AND SCRUMPETS.

I thought I'd slow down some of this craziness tonight and offer some goddam sophistication to all you raging maniacs out there in the WTCCTR Army. That's right. You heard me. So put down the Little Debbie Snack Cake, pull your pants up, and 86 your booger rolling because you're about to get your culture on in the form of a little violin concerto. Electric violin to be exact. Oh, and the dude is playing a Black Sabbath tune. ... hey, I didn't say this was Masterpiece Theater or anything... so don't start drinking with your pinky up all of a sudden, like some kind of fancy gentleman. Fruit cake.

Technorati Tags: ed alleyne johnson, electric violin, culture, man about town, sophistication, man boobs

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SKYNET IS COMING... TO STICK IT IN YOUR ASS

The video I'm featuring below has been bouncing around the Internet for a few years now; so you've probably seen it.  But I'm posting it tonight for two reasons.  One: the background music is catchy as f*ck.  It's called "Right Here, Right Now" by Fat Boy Slim.  I put it on a loop on my iPod and went running last week... long story short, I ran 47 miles.  The second reason for the video: Sky-Net.  Yup.  That little tidbit about laptop computers being smarter than the entire human race in 2049 - that little nugget of trivia they just gloss over in the video - that's Sky Net bitches!  I mean, if my computer at home is smarter than all the Earth's population then what do you think the Army's computers are going to be able to do?!?  And guess what?  Guess what.  They're going to strap guns on them.  And THAT, Fuckers, is SkyNet.  Sure, laugh now; but when your grand kids are being muscled around by an oversized waffle iron with a .50 cal machine gun for a right hand and a flame thrower for a left hand then the fun and games get pissed out the window...  so... yeah.  Stay sucker free.

SWEAR JAR

Despite being the best selling beer in America, Bud Light is pretty much trash garbage ca-ca poopie.  In other words, it's ass in a can that's somehow boiled down and given a yellowish tint.  I mean, Beer Advocate rates it a D- for chrissakes; which means "avoid" for them.  And for us too.  Because the people at BA love us and want us to be free from assholes disguised as beer.  All that being said, the people over there at Bud Light sure do make f*cking sweet assed commercials.  Here's my motherf*cking favorite one.  Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present the c*cksucking Swear Jar.  

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ORANGE GLOWING SPOOGE

Another fantastic product by Billy Mays: Orange Glo... dubbed over by Jabooodty Dubs.  I don't know who these guys are but they give me a goddam chuckle.  However, I think it's weird that their spooge glows in the dark and that they make enough of it so that it takes a mop to clean it up.  Plus, their pubic hairs are huge!  What's up with that?!?  ... I mean, at least that's what they say in the video... I wouldn't know about it otherwise.  Nope.  Really wouldn't.

Technorati Tags: jaboooty dubs, billy mays, orange glo, the fed, ron paul, planet of the apes, wwtdd, fight club, money turd

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ONE MORE REASON I'M GOING TO HELL

You know those inspirational stories about the triumph of the human spirit that feature sick kids, like the Dana Farber commercials or a kid overcoming some terrible disability.  Well, that's not what this post is about.  Here at WTCCTR I like to feature a progeria kid who just happens to be a wigger... and wants to kick your ass because, as he so eloquently points out in the video below, he doesn't have a penis on his stomach motherfucker... and who can really fucking argue with that.  Fucking seriously.

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BORAT GOES GAY

Sasha Baron Cohn - that guy who did Borat a few years ago - is coming out with a new movie soon.  The focus is a gay character he does named Bruno, and he's pretty much every bit as hilarious as Borat.  I've heard that in the new movie he punks Ron Paul and Paula Abdul; on top of having his bare ass in Eminem's face a few nights ago at the Mtv movie awards.  Anyway, here's a clip of Bruno from Cohn's tv show he used to have on HBO.  In it he asks a Christian minister if he's ever taken a walk on the brown side.  Do I need to say more?

Technorati Tags: borat, bruno, sasha baron cohn, ron paul, paula abdul, hbo, christian, minister, trailer, ass monkey

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NOW THAT'S A NATIONAL ANTHEM GODDAMMIT!

We're in a recession.  GM filed for bankruptcy.  American troops are getting killed every day in countries that smell like farts.  So now's a good time to be thankful for the little things in life.  And I always appreciate a good National Anthem; not some "traditional" version where it's just burped out without any balls on it.  Whitney Houston did a good one some years ago.  Then today I came across this performance by a seven year old girl at a NBA game.  Little Gina Plaflalala - or whatever the hell her name is - takes the song by the scruff of the neck and just beats the living ass off it vocally.  Friggin' awesome.  Play on playa! (KEEP AN EYE ON THE BLACK DUDE STANDING IN THE LINE UP.  IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO GET HIS CHURCH ON)

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